ARE YOU ACQUAINTED WITH THE HAZARDS OF GUILT?

“Why should we think upon things that are lovely? Because thinking determines life. It is a common habit to blame life upon the environment. Environment modifies life but does not govern life. The soul is stronger than its’ surroundings.” William Jam

I have decided to remove the guilt trapped in my mind. I am not sure how I will do it but after it is removed I will attempt to keep it at bay. I hope I don’t feel guilty if I fail. It appears that most of us on any given day can find numerous things to feel guilty about. Some of us even let others pile on the guilt as if we didn’t give ourselves enough to feel guilty about.

Stop allowing your mind to replay situations that transpired. Once you’re caught in such a situation you begin to admonish yourself about what you should have said or done. I do this all the time. Then one is left open for the onslaught of ideas creeping into your mind regarding better actions or words one could have done or said. I begin to believe that I was totally wrong because I didn’t cover all of my bases or didn’t have more thought for the other person. I immediately buy into the notion that others are correct in their horrible assessment of me.

The next time I try harder and correct my previous mistakes but then find myself making other mistakes. I believe I can make people happy, confident relaxed inspired tolerant and patient. Now I ask myself why I thought I was God. I can’t force someone to recognize their positive gifts and be thankful for what they have. I can’t make anyone be in a happy mood even if they alter other people’s moods for the worst. I can’t change someone’s low self-esteem, or confidence level.  I can’t rip jealousy anger or a vengeful attitude from another’s heart.

Basically I can’t control others but I now know I can control myself and my attitude. I can make a difference to others by being myself that’s it. I can model  demonstrate, lend an ear encourage listen and attempt to say and do the things I think another needs. I know it isn’t easy because every person I meet has varying needs. I can only do my best and accept the outcomes. I discovered that by doing this I can get up the next day clear in my thinking and ready to embrace a new day with its’ new challenges.

When I let poor outcomes in the guise of angry looks, remarks or actions influence and infiltrate my mind I am useless to all including myself. I am down an endless road. It leads nowhere. If I overcome my insatiable running thoughts of guilt I allow another’s mood to enter behind my constructed wall. I remain whole alive and well.  I may continue my interest of others and their heartaches or misfortunes without being swallowed by guilt that I could have should have or failed to do more.

We don’t fail when we mean well. We may have made a difference that even the angry person may not have noticed. I must move forward and know I really did my best for the situation at the time, place mindset ability and my knowledge of the dilemma. Who could ask for more? Many people do but I know I am not God and I know God influences my words and actions and I therefore know I attempted to do my utmost to promote a happy situation or an uplifting moment.

In the end we all create our own reality and we can help others and not feel that we failed because we don’t get a total victory which will bring on the guilt.  I will repeat myself and say that if I feel guilty now I know it is because I am allowing it to have power over me so I resist, close my eyes and say “I won’t go there.”

 After all, I also am in charge of creating my own attitude and reality. It is my life and I am in charge of it. I quote a remarkable speaker, musician and writer “Your life can shrink or expand,” Kent Gustavson

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HOW COMPETITION SPONSORS DISTRUST

“Divide the fire and you will soon put it out.” Greek Proverb

The competition starts before we are even aware. We begin the competition from the day we are born. Parents actually set up the first rivalry. Babies are judged by who is longer or bigger at birth. It continues with when a baby walks talk’s train’s counts and manipulates articles. Parents may refuse to believe they are remotely in any race but the reality of the matter is from babyhood through adulthood we are programmed to compete.

               When we compete we set the stage for a winner and so there must be at least one or more losers. Has anyone proven that there are laurels in keeping down whole food at the youngest possible age? Does walking at ten months make one more special than walking at eighteen months? Is bigger better really? If we answer no but still discuss our child’s size then we are a hypocrite. Think for a minute. No one goes around saying my child is in the ten percent in height and weight. My child walked later than most children. Seriously, if we set parameters all the time, there will be those that surpass them and those that will simply fail. The question is if it is worth out time and effort.

               Jumping further into the future we struggle with school work and the best speakers, writers and math stars. If a child does poorly we begin stressing his or her sports ability. Suddenly we are giving up on school work and in the process brainwashing our child into believing they don’t have the ability to be successful in school. How detrimental it is to discover our realities manifesting due to our own making.

               The same is true of the scholar who is believed to be only good at school work. They come to believe they have no athletic capabilities. When this happens we are not allowing our children to be all that they can be and more. It boils down to competition. We forget the possibility with training the poor athlete may get better or the poor scholar may find his or her niche and discover the cure for a disease. This is not as crazy as it might seem. The crazy part believes we can peg any person into a certain whole and leave them there.

               Grandparents may help in this competition. They begin comparing grandchildren by saying this one will be great in school and this one will be getting an athletic scholarship. This sounds so silly. The children are perhaps toddlers. What happened to the goals of kindness and caring as well as empathy and selflessness? Maybe it is time to reflect on the altruistic attributes.  Children will display what we expect of them. If we expect our child to mess up in high school because that is what teens do then that is what our kids will do. They return to us what we believe. Don’t expect your son or daughter to party through college and just possibly they won’t.

               Parents pit their children against each other every time they compare them. One year in time may find one child with more strength or endurance while another is lacking. It is not necessary to point this out. It is also not necessary to push the child in need to be the same. It is okay to be different. We are not all the same but we all are important and unique. Forcing everyone to love music, dance, sports, book learning or anything else is foolish. Yes we all need to learn and become educated but we can’t force a love of math or science. We can’t force the stamina to work out for an athletic endeavor.

               Siblings can be close friends if parents allow them to simply be themselves. Love your children. That is the only requirement of parenthood that will make all the difference in the world. Others can and will influence your children along the way but at that point, given the firm foundation parents have created ought to maintain them and allow them to weather any questionable time in life. If siblings compete, their brother or sister becomes the enemy.

               Sometimes we might have the ability but not the interest to pursue certain athletic or educational goals.  Other times the timing is not yet right for us. Being a good person first is what we should be striving for. In the end we will find our way. The uttermost person at the top with the best idea cannot always make it happen without those working with him or her to attain the goal. Without all of us the finest thoughts can be laid to rest.

               After all of our growing years are over, the end result is an adult ready to face the struggles of the real world competition. It is sad to find people pitted against each other rather than working together. The fastest worker gets the raise. The best personality befriends the boss. The schmoozer secures his job. The book learned person keeps ahead of the masses. One wonders about the true identity of anyone. We may want to ask the real person to stand up.

               Our importance does not depend on our pushing someone beneath us. It depends on how many people we lift up as equals to us. The baby test needs to be rewritten or dumped altogether. It is time to help each other rather than hurt each other. Children shouldn’t have to begin life believing they are less than others. We need to love them as they are and have faith and belief in them. When anyone receives love they have the ability to bounce it back to others. The more love received, the more love bounced and spread around to others. It will leave us all with only one goal. The goal will be to manifest as much love as we can so that wherever we look we will find it.

“The secret of happiness is to admire without desiring.” F. H. Bradley

“When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.” Tuli Kupferberg

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DEVELOP CONFIDENCE DISCARD FEAR

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

 Many times we allow others to dictate the rules and pass judgment on us. Of course at work our superiors do it all the time. The problem is bosses are not always correct in their conclusions of our work or behavior. Why one boss finds our work very good while another condemns it is frustrating.  It is because like everything else, it is subjective. My idea about how to go about building something will most likely differ from your ideas about a structure.  The person who gets to dictate is the person with more power.  This does not mean they really have a better plan. It simply means they have the control over the rules. When one dictates the procedures, one also dictates the desired result. Even if we follow someone else’s guidelines, there is no guarantee of the outcome. The only guarantee is that we will take the blame if we are not successful. The truth is many people are diminished and insecure because others fault them at work or in any group project or situation. The result is devastating to the person blamed, who begins feeling inadequate about everything they attempt.

                We might think about the child on a sports team who is rarely played, so his job is to warm the bench. He loses precious time to improve his ball skills while the players who get more field time advance impressively. What happens is the athletes playing regularly build their confidence while those players who frequently sit out most of the game, build their self-doubt. At times this can carry over into other areas of their lives. Adults who have trouble getting along with the boss are in the same situation. They can’t seem to get it right or improve whatever their boss is recommending. It would occur to any thinking person that it is not deliberate and the person is attempting to please their boss. After all they don’t want to lose their job. Curiously the insecure person doesn’t know how to get off of the damaging path they are treading.

The person becomes subordinate, has self-doubt and low self-esteem. These feelings add to his or her dilemma. What this person might have attempted before their insecurity fills them with fear. They are already under scrutiny and can’t afford to make any mistakes. They begin doing everything by the rule book without any thoughts of good or bad. In the end they fail totally because the odds have been successfully stacked against them. The sorry part is that they are now diminished as a person and innately feel like a failure. They have lost their self-confidence and desire to try anything new. It carries into all areas of their lives and we now see a depressed person.

At one time this person was relevant and viable and had some self-worth. They felt competent at making decisions. The point is they are still the same person. They simply allowed themselves to be defined as a person, by somebody else. This definition is far removed from who they really are and what they truly are capable of doing. They need to understand this or they will dive into a full blown depression. It is amazing the power one can wield over another without permission. It is astounding that people would hurt another so deeply without a care. If a boss is upset with someone’s work, they might simply get a mentor to intervene. They also might help the person with suggestions in a kind manner. Firing someone or ripping them apart is loathsome. There are other ways to deal with a person that would yield better results, keep their confidence intact and aid the workplace in the process.

Our attitudes, looks, age and personalities unfortunately enter into decisions others make about us. We may not be able to control these matters. What we can control and must control are our own beliefs. Our character is known to us and a higher being. Just because another person ranked higher in the job sphere does not mean they can dictate who or what we are. We must believe in ourselves and our abilities and leave no room for doubt. Having confidence and feeling adequate does not mean we can’t accept criticism and input from others. Even the boss has crossed the line if we feel subordinate, stupid, incapable and immobilized. It really is our choice to refrain from believing this defines us. We are so much more than that. We are so much more than others even know about us. We might have to learn new things but we are capable of learning. Given the correct tools advice and help, we can accomplish much.

If we are uncomfortable in a work situation, we might think about switching areas within a company, switching hours or teams or attempting to find employment elsewhere. We always have choices. We should never feel boxed in. When we believe we have no alternatives, that is the time  we shut down. We might have to look around and search for our answers elsewhere. We might team up with another worker. We should be comfortable asking others for help or we might take a refresher course. What we cannot do is lose our value in our own eyes. All the wonderful things we do, can do and will do are lost if we give up on our-self. One person or one group’s interpretation of what we are is ludicrous. Step back and put the whole scene into focus. Sometimes change is good and might be the right thing to do. We can’t be afraid to step out into the unknown and take the chance. If we reflected we might realize things would not be any worse and they might just be better. Build your self-confidence and trust your own delineation of who you are.

"Don't be afraid to take a big step if needed. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps." Anonymous

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." Dr. Martin Luther King

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Just Be The Superhero

"A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle." Benjamin Franklin
"The work of the individual still remains the spark that moves mankind forward." Igor Sikorsky
"Character is the total of thousands of small daily strivings to live up to the best that is in us." Lt. Arthur Trudeau

I am of the opinion that when we die we will be judged not so much for all of our wrongdoings but for all those times we did not step in to help another person we saw who was in need of help. This might sound crazy but we worry so much about the fact that we never hurt anybody, we never yelled or called another person any  names. We never acted aggressively towards anyone or cut someone out of a line or acted prejudice towards another person. We have a sure pass to heaven. We live our lives thinking we are better than  the screamer or drunk or cranky neighbor. We pity their faults. many of us live our whole lives believing we are trying our best to be good and we are "good".

The problem could be that we are not spiritual. We are not even humane. If we haven't taught our children more than to say please and thank you we are not even respectful. We might just be selfish self contained proud and possessive. Wow that is a lot to think about and most of us at the moment are saying I definitely don't fit in with that group. Unfortunately many or most of us do possibly some of the time. It is time to wake up. Time to stop kidding ourselves. We listen to religious leaders talk about what  we should  not do to others. We should not steal, envy, or hurt another to name a few. We don't  hear often what we should do for others. I think that is what we will be  held responsible for.

We are on our way to work and get a  call from a friend early in the morning. We know they probably are looking  for a ride and we have driven them before. We are late and don't want to get them and we don't have the time. Give yourself a check for ignoring the neighbor. The wife or husband must take them and they are very late and get into  trouble with their boss. It goes against them when they are up for a review and a pay raise. They go home that night and fight with their spouse. Hey it isn't our fault. They need to get their car fixed.
We are in a bad mood. We are visiting with relatives. We wait for the usual retort from the relative who always says something stupid. We contradict them and prove them wrong. They sit quietly after that and we're glad because we don't care to listen to them anyways. Give yourself a check. We don't get to see it  when they go home and flop into a chair and cry. They blubber how stupid they are and how they should just keep their big mouth shut. They are up all night, drag themselves to work the next day and snap a mean retort to anyone who asks them a question.

Our parents are old. We haven't called them in at least a week. We don't feel like calling them now. We know the routine. We'll hear how much they miss us and why haven't we called. We'll listen, tell them how busy we are, apologize and promise to call sooner the next time. We know we won't but that's okay we have our lives to live and we are busy. We hang up the phone and quickly turn on the game and think to ourselves I hope I didn't miss much. Another check. We miss the part where our parents are happy we called but their eyes are glistening in the light because they miss us and miss hearing from us. They hope they didn't offend us with the remarks about calling them. They hope we'll call again soon. They are worried.

We look out the window and see our neighbor trying to catch their runaway dog. They look mighty stupid. We see their dog in our back yard but it's cold and we don't want to go outside.  Besides we consider, the dog will take off as soon as we go outside and approach him. The dog heads for the street and gets hit by a car. We shake our heads at them and say people like that shouldn't own dogs because they don't know how to take care of them. Take a check. We  missed the part where their child's friend came over to play and upon leaving opened the door wide enough for the dog to slip outside. Now the child is in tears because he blames himself for the dog's mishap.

The young mother drops her bag of groceries behind her car. We are already in our car backing out and driving away. She scrambles to pick them up as her toddler in the car unlocks her seat belt. the mother rushes to control the toddler and some of her groceries roll under her car and of course she is unaware of this. She heads back to her groceries and misses a few. She then goes home only to find important items missing, one of which is something her husband requested. She explains, he listens but is not moved only upset that she didn't get what he was waiting for. Add the check.

The snow was deep and the old guy across the street was attempting to shovel a path for himself,  to the mailbox. you ask yourself, where are his kids when he needs them. They are lazy you think. The checks are adding up. The young mother  is dragging in her barrels, while her toddler is yanking on her pants. You hesitate but she can handle it she's a grown up besides where is her husband anyways. The list goes on to more severe instances and to the lesser humdrum incidences. We are not bad, we are good, but we are unaware of the harm or the hurt we cause another by not being more attentive to their needs.  We certainly cannot always rescue another but maybe once in awhile we can be moved into action. If you look at how much comfort and ease we have brought to someone's life, satisfaction creeps in. Hopefully when we see
 a person in need and we have the time,  we will  overcome our doubts and become their super hero for the moment.

"You are the way you are because that's the way you  want to be. If you really wanted to be any different, you would be in the process of changing right now. " Fred Smith

"If what you believe doesn't affect how you live, then it isn't very important." Dick Nogleberg

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Escape The Fear And Anxiety

"To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally convenient solutions ; both dispense with the necessity of reflecion." Jules Henri

Fear can and does take over our lives. Chunking down our fears shows us they are unfounded in almost every situation. Let's face it, we are paying a terrible toll for what most likely will never occur. We may pity the person who is afraid of heights or afraid to go into crowds yet we don't notice our own shortcomings regarding fear. We fear another's  getting the better of us so we contradict what they say. later we regret what we said and more anxiety prevails.  We add some guilt on top of the fear. It might be easier for us all if we make a conscious attempt to think before we speak. Once we've spoken we need not wonder about  worthiness or repercussions of our actions.

We might attempt to speak from the heart and not the hip. If we speak from the heart we have not intentionally harmed  anyone. How a person interprets what was said is their issue. Later when we are trying to fall asleep, we won't be bothered by nagging thoughts of if we did this or that and was it good or bad. Try to always think first and then have no regrets. If you are later proven wrong about something go from there adding thought before you speak again. If we fear losing love of any kind question why. Do you think the sun will  not come up again? Do you think no one else loves you or you will not ever love anyone else? Do you want to control that person rather than just love them? In our hearts there is room to love many others.

We don't have to  be the only ones filling another's void. Others have room in their hearts to love many people. The more love we have the more love that comes back to us and the better person we become. So why fear sharing love. Why fear losing love. If we respect and nurture our love it should thrive. Love should never be put  in chains. If we have to lock up a treasure in order to hold on to it then it is not free and therefore not ours.

Fear of change is a very big fear for all of us. Change is something we can always count on. Again one must think of change as a chance to add more experiences and people into our circle of love and friendship. People are not scary. We need not fear a job change. There is always the quiet person, the "expert", the loud ones etc. It is as if we never left the previous employment. Finding love and friendship in one place should give us hope of finding it in many other places. We all want acceptance and people to  respect and cherish. Our goals are the same in many ways. Stop fearing the unknown because we have some knowledge of it.. Truthfully we are aware of things about ourselves that would never measure up to another's, however we also have things about us that no one else can compete with. The fact is we are so unique. Besides as I often say life is not a competition. Life is an awesome learning experience.

Somehow I don't think our higher being is worried about how much technology we've learned or how many school books we've memorized. I believe we will be judged on just how much love we have learned to give regardless of what comes back to us in the process. It's about giving our hearts away time and again to others. In that way we learn to love ourselves. In loving ourselves we can love others more and risk more. We all have the power so don't fear,  just go on out to face the world and always give it your humble loving best.

"People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and frankness makes you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway. The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind. Think big anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build it anyway. People really need help but may attack if you help them. Help people anyway. Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you've got anyway."
Anonymous

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KEEP GOALS FIRM, DISREGARD DOUBTS

"Without involvement there is no commitment. Mark it down, asterisk it, circle it, underline it. No involvement no commitment." Stephen Covey

Many of us have already set New Year's resolutions. Most of us would agree that we will most likely not achieve them. That is the problem. If you think you can't achieve a goal then you are probably correct. In order to attain anything, we need to believe we can do it. Surprisingly, most things we set our mind on to do, we are capable of doing. Believing we can is the factor. Often the goals are too difficult or unrealistic to achieve immediately or without setbacks along the way. As a result, we release our goals and efforts as soon as we cave. This is a mistake. Nothing great is accomplished the first time trying. Think about the baby steps. Every time we succeeded a bit more than the day before.

Giving up on anything  seals our fate regarding that issue. With a bit more effort maybe our marriage will succeed. Trying harder may help us to have more patience or tolerance. Another attempt at reconciliation with a friend or family member just might be the cure. Refraining from judgement when we slip back on our trials with an addiction, allows us the will and ambition to try again with more vigor. I equate abandoning our goals with coping out. We set our goals, break them and then leave them behind as pointless. this is so sad. We can achieve them with time, patience, effort and above all else forgiveness. When an athlete is attempting to improve his skill or speed he chops away at this problem day after day. There might be times when he observes a backward result but he never loses his or her focus. With each and every trial, what seemed an impossible  task, is accomplished and light is made. It is true that maybe we fall a little short of one hundred percent of our goal but how much further did we take ourselves from the starting point. There is always room for growth.

There will always be people who  will discourage us from our goals. Maybe that's because it places them in the position of facing their own lack of effort. You disturb their peacefulness of stagnation. Every effort great or small needs to begin with our determination  to make a difference and make a change in a situation. We are never disappointed because we will  never end up in the same place we were before the effort. Take the risk, set the goals as lofty as you choose and begin your journey towards your goals. You are looking for small changes that will  eventually evolve into a major change. In all of our goal setting,  we will be proud of our efforts instead of disappointed with our failures. So concentrate on the goal, the efforts, and the small changes. Forget about the time, failures and setbacks. Three steps forward and two steps back still leaves you with one step ahead. You without a doubt can do it. The most difficult challenging and stressful piece of all of this is the start.

"The strongest warriors are these two...time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"Many of life's failures are people who do not realize how close they  were to success when they gave up." Thomas Edison

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Disappointment Depletes Energy

"We learn to walk by stumbling." Bulgarian Proverb
"courage is not limited to the battlefield. The real tests of courage are much quieter. They are the inner tests, like enduring pain when the room is empty, or standing alone when you're misunderstood." Charles Swindoll


With the holidays over, are you left with the disappointment? It goes across the board regarding gifts, missed opportunities for chatting with a certain relative, and believing our feelings have been totally disregarded. When people gather together the scene is set for total confusion, chaos and misunderstandings. Our minds are thinking about who we want to talk to and what we need to say to someone and questions we want to ask. What happens is we never get the opportunity to discuss anything with the person we wanted to talk to, we forgot to ask our questions and we never received any answers because someone interrupted us with other questions. This might sound familiar.

 Gifts are kind of like that. We may have been disappointed but I would guess that others probably were unhappy with the gifts we gave. Some people grumble to the world which is a bad idea because the negativity bounces back at us. Other people expect a return and still others pretend they liked the gift and then give it away or regift it. The point is that we all have our disappointments. If we want to complain about it to others we are making it bigger than it needs to be and giving life to an unimportant issue. Freeing ourselves from the negativity releases a burden and opens us up to happier and more positive things in life. Free will, allows us to search and concentrate on positive things rather than reviewing and remembering negative things. Many of us who experience a happy situation go home and may not think about it again. The opposite is true when we have a problem we didn't like. Sometimes we can't let it go and yet that is what we need to do.


If we created a tally list of pros and cons in the course of our day we would find the pros definitely outweigh the cons. If they don't then we need help in learning how to seek out and find the positive happenings in our life. people are not out to get us or hurt us. People  do care but at times may be distracted. Many times other people are in  the same boat as we are regarding hiding problems or tears and hurts and scars. We are human and we all suffer. By bringing anger into a situation we have built the mountain which we must climb over rather than deal with the mole hill which is easier to cross. If it is all about feelings of love or hate then ask yourself this, do you love others? If you do then it is probably reciprocal. We receive  what we are sending out. If others love us then they are not deliberately hurting us and to think otherwise is to cause us more hurt. We are choosing the hurt in many situations. Choose instead to reduce stress in your life, give others a break and especially give yourself a break. Focus on a time you caused another unintentional pain, remember how sad it made you feel and how much you wanted the other person to understand. Remember and grant others the forgiveness you sought for yourself. It comes back on us. If we slam the door, prepare one day for it to likewise slam on us.

"To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee." William H. Walton

"Hope works in these ways: it looks for the good in people instead of  harping on the worst; it discovers what can be done instead of  grumbling about what cannot; it regards problems, large or small, as opportunities; it pushes ahead when it would be easy to  quit; it "lights the candle" instead of "cursing the darkness." Anonymous

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WHEN ENVY ACTIVATES SUSPICION

"Sometimes our candle goes out,but is blown into flame by an encounter with another human being." Albert Schweitzer


How are your Holidays progressing? As one gets older the Holidays seem to manifest bittersweet memories. We all remember people who were with us at past holidays. We remember a favorite dessert a certain someone loved to eat. We recall one's habits and rituals which bring tears to our eyes. It tortures us to live in the past and it actually deprives us of creating special moments with those we are with at the present point in time. Even though it is difficult, we need to look beyond our hurts and even our desires and gain an inner contentment reflecting on the good things we have and the loving people that  are currently in our lives. We really do have that choice. One can choose to dwell on our injuries or rejoice in our loving relationships. Nobody can go backwards in time. I believe we must allow the pain to slip away on the wings of butterflies.
The present is what is. Pain will always be remembered but reliving it hurts us over and over again. It depletes our energy, confuses our minds, and prevents us from allowing our hearts to open up to the surrounding love. Being whole again is invigorating. Being whole again doesn't mean we forget or block anything away. We simply choose to focus on what is right and beautiful in our lives. If there be one individual or animal that loves us we are blessed. if we can't think of anyone then we can easily search and find another person who would so appreciate having a friend. We are not ever alone unless we choose it. Let go of the fear of the unknown. Let go of the fear of embracing  something knew. Sometimes when we observe others having a great time at a gathering, we wish we could be some of those people. What we see is not always reality.

 Many of us at times feel alone in our hurts even amongst a crowd of people. It can become easy to feign happiness. Step into your life and embrace it with open arms. See beyond your doubts, jealousies and fears. Never give up. Never give up. It's just at the moment when you feel the worst, that things might just change for the better. We do have to help ourselves. So open your heart to others and don't fear the unknown. Seriously count your blessings. You might be surprised at how many there are.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain." Vivian Greene

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Why Things Backfire

Hi
"Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted."
Aldous Huxley

One MIL complained that her once excellent relationship with her DIL was becoming strained.  Her DIL, who had just had a baby, was planning on going back to work immediately. The MIL couldn't understand this because she stated, her DIL had waited and tried for years to get pregnant. She didn't have to work and chose to return. What came of many discussions was that her DIL had a childhood devoid of a father. Her father died suddenly and her mother had to work to make ends meet. They were poor but managed. The young woman never forgot her childhood years and just couldn't bring herself to give up what she considered to be her security. The two agreed to disagree and renewed their relationship. I think there are many points to this story. Many of us judge things without having all of the facts. How we grew up, what we were taught, the barriers we construct as well as our viewpoints, trials, tribulations and differentiations are momentous. Tolerance understanding patience and time breaks down the walls. It produces knowledge which will allow us to accommodate our differences and move forward.
Our judgements and conclusions can be so far from the mark. We all might reach the same end and learn the same lessons but in a variety of ways. The MIL believed and rightly so that being there for her children twenty four seven was a good thing. The DIL believed and rightly so that making sure she and her child would never go hungry was a good thing. It boils down to love. If love enters into our decisions we can't ever be goofing off track. If we are, the love always boomerangs back to us and helps us get things straight.

"If you want to get the best out of a person you must look for the best that is in him." Bernard Haldane

"Three billion people on the face of the earth go to bed hungry every night, but four billion people go to bed every night hungry for a simple word of encouragement and recognition." Cavett Robert

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Guilt's Power Is Stress Producing

Every day, when you wake up, think about all the wonderful things you should be thankful for. I am as guilty as anyone for finding issues that annoy me. I lose my patience too many times due to silly little things. After reflecting on this I realized I have so much happiness in my life. It occurred to me that it was time to dwell on the positive and let the negative flow out of the mind. In the scheme of things, most of the irritating issues are minor. People are major. If I alienate people I create added stress and anxiety to my life.  The next day I regret any harsh words I spoke. Of course I can’t explain why I spoke them. We all have such situations. Irritations build up as well as obligations. Our minds have trouble keeping everything straight. When some random or not so random person places the last straw on our backs we explode. This can be a mild explosion but if it creates disharmony, it is sad. Most of us want to get along but find it difficult when we are burdened with all of the pressures of life. We may at times believe we are carrying most of the load at home and or at work. We might also feel we are keeping friendships going and working hard for our families with little return. All I can say is that there really is return in the knowledge that you have been doing a successfully great job nurturing and caring for the family. We start in pre-school and end up passing high school and maybe college. We wonder at how we got there. It’s the same with life. When we work hard at something in the end the finished product makes us smile. The important thing is to know what is important and quit judging the items that don’t really matter. Relax and get along. Life is easier, more comforting and filled with more people who care and support you. As they say live love laugh and I say forgive and definitely forget. Count your blessings.

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Mark Twain

“Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” Oliver Goldsmith

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Get Rid Of Regret Once And For All

Hi All
How much confusion we all create in our own lives through our thoughts, fears and jealousies. We sometimes we see things that are not really there, or interpret what is said or done in a way it was never meant to be interpreted. This causes pain and frustration in any relationship. Our anger takes over our reason and we make a situation worse than it originally was. Minds tend to wander and negatively impact spoken words and actions. Harsh words render the spirit crushed and mangled. Tempers flair as well as egos. We cut our spouse or sibling or in-law down to size and walk away triumphantly. Later we regret what we said and did. This scenario is played again day after day with various other people. It leaves us tense unsure and sometimes very confused about the path to follow. Changing our attitudes and cutting another person some slack as well as refraining from nasty retorts the next time might just alter a relationship.

"The degree of one's emotion varies inversely with one's knowledge of the facts. The less one knows the hotter you get." Anonymous

All of us have our good days and bad. We have moments of insight and inspiration as well as times of defeat and roadblocks. What we can't do is displace our anger onto another person, on our down days. Don't let others cause you to become enraged. You always have the choice to depart or change the subject. We have our own power of free will and can alter the course of a losing situation. We don't walk in another 's shoes and can't comprehend what they feel or think. They also can't comprehend what we feel or think. Our experiences are varied as are our defeats and accomplishments. We can't judge another with our ruler of measurement any more than they can measure us with their ruler. Reflect deeply about what you say before you say it. At what cost will your disparaging remarks deplete the goodness in your heart?

"In marriage, with children, at work, in any association-an ounce of praise of sincere appreciation of some act or attribute, can very often do more than a tom of fault finding. If we look for it, we can usually find in even the most unlikely unlikable and incapable person, something to commend and encourage. Doubtless it is a human frailty. But most of us, in the glow of feeling we have pleased. want to do more to please and knowing we have done well want to do better." Anonymous

Remember, "speak when you are angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret." Lawrence J. Peter

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