Showing posts with label mood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mood. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

CRUSH REGRET; SEEK COURAGE

"Courage is not limited to the battlefield. The real tests of courage are much quieter. They are the inner tests, like enduring pain when the room is empty or standing alone when you're misunderstood."         Charles Swindoll
So many people were complaining about not having time for this job and that responsibility. It was so bothersome that many were almost immobilized with anxiety. They felt like they just did not have enough energy for anything or anyone. The result was total restraint from accomplishing something.

These individuals believed they did not measure up to others which added more reproach. They believed that if they worked harder or longer or focused more it would make a difference in the outcome.

What actually transpired was they felt defeated. They couldn't keep going and were going to give up any work they had left undone. It was overwhelming and defeating to the point that they couldn't continue. If the truth were told, these individuals placed way too much on their shoulders. They didn't give themselves a break nor did they consider the problems they encountered along their way to success in their endeavors.

It was amazing how on the outside it appeared easy to see that their expectations were high and their considerations to themselves were low. Despite their handicaps they expected more of themselves.

The problem is that we can destroy ourselves in the process because we don't give ourselves any excuses for failure or lateness in achievement. I know it is admirable to take responsibility but expecting the impossible causes destruction of the mind. Even if we can do it physically, at times mentally it can't be done.

On days weeks or months like this we need to step back, see the whole forest and not just the tree. Remind ourselves we can't do the impossible and we do need downtime. Expecting too little of ourselves leads to  boredom and laziness, but expecting too much of ourselves can be physically and mentally crippling. We give excuses to others how about allowing the same kindness to ourselves.

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." Albert Einstein

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Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Just Be The Superhero

"A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle." Benjamin Franklin
"The work of the individual still remains the spark that moves mankind forward." Igor Sikorsky
"Character is the total of thousands of small daily strivings to live up to the best that is in us." Lt. Arthur Trudeau

I am of the opinion that when we die we will be judged not so much for all of our wrongdoings but for all those times we did not step in to help another person we saw who was in need of help. This might sound crazy but we worry so much about the fact that we never hurt anybody, we never yelled or called another person any  names. We never acted aggressively towards anyone or cut someone out of a line or acted prejudice towards another person. We have a sure pass to heaven. We live our lives thinking we are better than  the screamer or drunk or cranky neighbor. We pity their faults. many of us live our whole lives believing we are trying our best to be good and we are "good".

The problem could be that we are not spiritual. We are not even humane. If we haven't taught our children more than to say please and thank you we are not even respectful. We might just be selfish self contained proud and possessive. Wow that is a lot to think about and most of us at the moment are saying I definitely don't fit in with that group. Unfortunately many or most of us do possibly some of the time. It is time to wake up. Time to stop kidding ourselves. We listen to religious leaders talk about what  we should  not do to others. We should not steal, envy, or hurt another to name a few. We don't  hear often what we should do for others. I think that is what we will be  held responsible for.

We are on our way to work and get a  call from a friend early in the morning. We know they probably are looking  for a ride and we have driven them before. We are late and don't want to get them and we don't have the time. Give yourself a check for ignoring the neighbor. The wife or husband must take them and they are very late and get into  trouble with their boss. It goes against them when they are up for a review and a pay raise. They go home that night and fight with their spouse. Hey it isn't our fault. They need to get their car fixed.
We are in a bad mood. We are visiting with relatives. We wait for the usual retort from the relative who always says something stupid. We contradict them and prove them wrong. They sit quietly after that and we're glad because we don't care to listen to them anyways. Give yourself a check. We don't get to see it  when they go home and flop into a chair and cry. They blubber how stupid they are and how they should just keep their big mouth shut. They are up all night, drag themselves to work the next day and snap a mean retort to anyone who asks them a question.

Our parents are old. We haven't called them in at least a week. We don't feel like calling them now. We know the routine. We'll hear how much they miss us and why haven't we called. We'll listen, tell them how busy we are, apologize and promise to call sooner the next time. We know we won't but that's okay we have our lives to live and we are busy. We hang up the phone and quickly turn on the game and think to ourselves I hope I didn't miss much. Another check. We miss the part where our parents are happy we called but their eyes are glistening in the light because they miss us and miss hearing from us. They hope they didn't offend us with the remarks about calling them. They hope we'll call again soon. They are worried.

We look out the window and see our neighbor trying to catch their runaway dog. They look mighty stupid. We see their dog in our back yard but it's cold and we don't want to go outside.  Besides we consider, the dog will take off as soon as we go outside and approach him. The dog heads for the street and gets hit by a car. We shake our heads at them and say people like that shouldn't own dogs because they don't know how to take care of them. Take a check. We  missed the part where their child's friend came over to play and upon leaving opened the door wide enough for the dog to slip outside. Now the child is in tears because he blames himself for the dog's mishap.

The young mother drops her bag of groceries behind her car. We are already in our car backing out and driving away. She scrambles to pick them up as her toddler in the car unlocks her seat belt. the mother rushes to control the toddler and some of her groceries roll under her car and of course she is unaware of this. She heads back to her groceries and misses a few. She then goes home only to find important items missing, one of which is something her husband requested. She explains, he listens but is not moved only upset that she didn't get what he was waiting for. Add the check.

The snow was deep and the old guy across the street was attempting to shovel a path for himself,  to the mailbox. you ask yourself, where are his kids when he needs them. They are lazy you think. The checks are adding up. The young mother  is dragging in her barrels, while her toddler is yanking on her pants. You hesitate but she can handle it she's a grown up besides where is her husband anyways. The list goes on to more severe instances and to the lesser humdrum incidences. We are not bad, we are good, but we are unaware of the harm or the hurt we cause another by not being more attentive to their needs.  We certainly cannot always rescue another but maybe once in awhile we can be moved into action. If you look at how much comfort and ease we have brought to someone's life, satisfaction creeps in. Hopefully when we see
 a person in need and we have the time,  we will  overcome our doubts and become their super hero for the moment.

"You are the way you are because that's the way you  want to be. If you really wanted to be any different, you would be in the process of changing right now. " Fred Smith

"If what you believe doesn't affect how you live, then it isn't very important." Dick Nogleberg

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Thursday, November 8, 2012

Avoid Sibling competitiveness

"Man's mind, once stretch by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions." Oliver Wendell Holmes

Competing with siblings or siblings-in-law creates a no-win situation. Being right or wrong is not as important as how well every one's sense of worth remains intact. Maintain your self-confidence, and be cognizant of the vulnerability in others. Words spoken from the tips of tongues are not profound deliberations. Many times they are in anger, retaliation, revenge or simply a bad attitude or mood. If one attempts to stop the competition, every try is a step in the right direction towards tolerance and peace. Competition promotes anger frustration and feelings of revenge while compromise evokes friendship and cooperation. I'll help you and you'll help me attitude. I will strive for the latter. Memories of the day will be so much more  enjoyable and cherished by all.

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes."
Marcel Proust

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Friday, October 12, 2012

Steering Around Holiday Potholes

"The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts ,deeds, and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy." Florence Scovel Shinn

Holidays remind us of past memories, which can be both good and bad. Keep the present holidays central, and be thankful to  share it with people you love. Each holiday is unique. It is not possible or necessary to repeat a holiday experience. Embrace each holiday with a renewed spirit. Be fair when dividing your Holiday time between families. It might not be possible to spend your holidays with your children. Share memories throughout the year with those you care about and forget what the calendar says. A vacation spent with the grandchildren is just as wonderful as a Holiday time gathering. This quiet time over the summer may be more enjoyable and have less stress. Everything and everybody changes. We can always hope for the best in these changes. Change avoids stagnation. Attempt to keep some traditions but be accepting of the new traditions. Happy, positive outlooks add to the mood of a holiday get-together. Nix the negative and promote the positive. You will always be a sought after member of the family.

"Each of us will one day be judged by our standard of life, not by our standard of living; by our measure of giving, not by our measure of wealth; by our simple goodness, not by our seeming greatness." William Arthur Ward


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Monday, August 27, 2012

Divorce At Any Age Hurts

I heard today from a young friend that her parents were getting a divorce. They had been married over 25 yrs. My friend is married yet so very hurt and yes traumatized. It might seem crazy but divorce hurts the children regardless of age. It brings it back to relationships and understanding. At times, we just don't understand an other's motives, words or actions. Many times we jump to conclusions that are not true. As a DIL I remember times when I felt the  cold shoulder from my MIL and I would think hard about what I might have done to cause it. Now that I am a MIL I wonder why my DIL's might be quiet. I sat down one day and laughed because it occurred to me that maybe they had just had a fight and their attitudes had nothing to do with me. We assume everything is about us. but if we reflect enough we realize that the world is not revolving around any of us. others are not pondering what we do or say. We should not take attitude to heart. It might be coming from so many places and our MIL and DIL relationship does not need this pressure. Believing we are on safe ground with our in-law allows us the freedom to relax and trust in the relationship. Entertaining thoughts of doubt breeds suspicion and doubt. If everything we say and do is never ever done with any malice or revenge, then we are secure in an honest trustworthy situation. Let the awkward moods pass unnoticed. We all have bad days.

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