FIND SERENITY IN THE MORAL STRUGGLE

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex and more violent. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite  direction." Albert Einstein

We all have varying degrees of flexibility. As children, most of us exhibit lots of flexibility. As soon as a friend calls we are out the door. Growth and maturity appears to dampen our willingness to bend or stretch in different ways. If we think about this situation, we realize the sadness of our plight. We may be free in body but our minds and thinking become more and more enslaved until we perform our duties ritualistically.

We must call our parents, water the plants, clean the house, get a recipe for dinner that will impress our friends, find the right clothes for the right look etc. In all of this commotion have we thought what we are doing and if we are truly living or simply surviving? Reflect on how much love is given to us unconditionally by our parents. Ponder the living plants and the awesome beauty they bestow on us. House cleaning is overrated as much as connecting with people are underrated. Fabulous meals have more to do with the companionship we have with those who share the meal with us.

 Duty and ego have replaced love and affection. When we visit others we look back and recall the great conversations and spirited mood we enjoyed with them. We don’t even think about the manicured yard or neatly picked up house. Maybe it is time to reflect on our inner human focus rather than the outer peripheral nonsense. We would most likely save ourselves time and money.

We all love artistic beauty but not at the expense of the beauty we find in each other. Less time spent on silly jobs leaves us with more energy to give to the important things in life. Our priorities perhaps are messed up at the moment. As children we knew what counted. As adults we get lost. If we keep cluttering our minds with jobs that are really unimportant, we will miss doing what counts.

It is more important to spend time talking to your child than it is to mow your lawn. I watched two dads in two situations dealing with their children while they were working in the yard. Both children were two years old at the time. One dad screamed at his toddler for digging in an area where he had recently planted some gorgeous flowers. The child went screaming and crying alone, into a corner of the yard. I wondered as I observed, what had he just taught his child.

Another father in an adjacent lot had finished planting a row of various colored flowers. He stopped to take a long drink of water when his young son was standing in front of him with a fistful of flowers. They were a beautiful bouquet. His young son said as he shoved the flowers into his father’s hands, “I love you da”. I watched for the dad’s reaction. He was surprised when he realized they were the newly purchased and just planted flowers. The dad immediately scooped his son into his arms and hugged him tightly as he said “I love you too and thanks for the flowers.” Somehow I believe those flowers meant so much more in the dad’s mind and heart than they could ever mean to any observer who chanced to walk by them growing in the ground.

Children are a gift from God. Love them and tell them so every day. Recognize your obligation to them by respecting and nurturing them. If you are rough in your speech, or actions towards them especially regarding discipline, rethink and alter your behaviors and habits. Children can teach us to be spontaneous and how to recapture our love of living. They remind us to be flexible because when we are flexible our disappointment and anger decreases while our love and awareness increases.

"Blessed are the hearts that can bend. They shall never be broken." Albert Camus

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WHAT ESTABLISHES RESPECT?

"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood but of respect, and joy in each other's life." Richard Bach
"Education is an admirable thing but, it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught." Oscar Wilde

 Manners is more than please and thank you although it is nice to be at the receiving end of a thank you. In order to have real manners one needs to extend empathy, compassion and awareness of others. If one cares about another and feels for their situation then one jumps in to lighten their load. For instance, if you see a pregnant woman on the bus who doesn't have a seat, then you might give up yours. Someone with a tremendous amount of bundles might inspire you to hold open a door. Manners almost becomes innate if a person has been taught to have a regard for other people. When we respect others we respect their presence and their time. We would never insult them by texting while we are engaged in a conversation with them. Likewise we would never be on a phone while they are trying to wait on us in a store. If a person was kind enough to help us pick up items we dropped on a street, we would be very thankful and our words would display this thanks.

Having manners is not something one can truly teach unless one teaches a person or child compassion, caring, empathy and an awareness of being a part of a whole. The world is more than us. The world does not revolve around just us. As much as parents want to praise their children and rightly so, build up their confidence, absolutely, they still must add compassion and  empathy for others. We may think our children are the greatest, smartest, the best athletes, prettiest, handsomest and any other attributes we might add. That is okay but remember that every parent is thinking  the same thing. You are not alone. Do  any of us say to another, "Your child is so much smarter than mine." If you get the point then carry this one step further and teach your child to be the most caring, thoughtful, empathetic, trustworthy, gracious and responsible child that they can be. What a world if this happened. We would do away with jealousy because we would be thinking about another's needs instead of our own. We would do away with envy because it would not be important to us in the scheme of things. We would do away with competition because we would not want to hurt another. A new world of true humanity would be created. It would not be a world that loved only those that loved us back. That is so easy to do. It would be total compassion for others. That  really should  be what we are striving for. If you want to teach manners, teach compassion, empathy, understanding, honesty, responsibility and awareness of others. My top two are compassion and awareness. You will then have learned what real manners are.
"Real education should educate us out of self into something far finer; into a selflessness which links us with all humanity." Nancy Astor
"Where there is a human being there is an opportunity for kindness." Seneca

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KEEP GOALS FIRM, DISREGARD DOUBTS

"Without involvement there is no commitment. Mark it down, asterisk it, circle it, underline it. No involvement no commitment." Stephen Covey

Many of us have already set New Year's resolutions. Most of us would agree that we will most likely not achieve them. That is the problem. If you think you can't achieve a goal then you are probably correct. In order to attain anything, we need to believe we can do it. Surprisingly, most things we set our mind on to do, we are capable of doing. Believing we can is the factor. Often the goals are too difficult or unrealistic to achieve immediately or without setbacks along the way. As a result, we release our goals and efforts as soon as we cave. This is a mistake. Nothing great is accomplished the first time trying. Think about the baby steps. Every time we succeeded a bit more than the day before.

Giving up on anything  seals our fate regarding that issue. With a bit more effort maybe our marriage will succeed. Trying harder may help us to have more patience or tolerance. Another attempt at reconciliation with a friend or family member just might be the cure. Refraining from judgement when we slip back on our trials with an addiction, allows us the will and ambition to try again with more vigor. I equate abandoning our goals with coping out. We set our goals, break them and then leave them behind as pointless. this is so sad. We can achieve them with time, patience, effort and above all else forgiveness. When an athlete is attempting to improve his skill or speed he chops away at this problem day after day. There might be times when he observes a backward result but he never loses his or her focus. With each and every trial, what seemed an impossible  task, is accomplished and light is made. It is true that maybe we fall a little short of one hundred percent of our goal but how much further did we take ourselves from the starting point. There is always room for growth.

There will always be people who  will discourage us from our goals. Maybe that's because it places them in the position of facing their own lack of effort. You disturb their peacefulness of stagnation. Every effort great or small needs to begin with our determination  to make a difference and make a change in a situation. We are never disappointed because we will  never end up in the same place we were before the effort. Take the risk, set the goals as lofty as you choose and begin your journey towards your goals. You are looking for small changes that will  eventually evolve into a major change. In all of our goal setting,  we will be proud of our efforts instead of disappointed with our failures. So concentrate on the goal, the efforts, and the small changes. Forget about the time, failures and setbacks. Three steps forward and two steps back still leaves you with one step ahead. You without a doubt can do it. The most difficult challenging and stressful piece of all of this is the start.

"The strongest warriors are these two...time and patience." Leo Tolstoy

"Many of life's failures are people who do not realize how close they  were to success when they gave up." Thomas Edison

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Steps That Light The Right Road

"We can grow by our questions as well as by our answers."
"Our words are seeds planted in other people's lives." John Mason

Hi
Stop to reflect how we at times set up our  own competition. If we begin boasting about our accomplishments or  those of our children we set the wheel in motion. It may not be our siblings or mother or mother-in-law that begins the game. Simple factual information is more appreciated and  recognized than an onslaught of The boss praised me the other day for ............. If we have been refraining from competition then you may just get a few compliments. If you don't receive any attention then I would ponder the sadness of anothers life at that moment that they cannot ring themselves to praise you due to their position in life at the moment. If we have nothing to give, how sad is that. Feel sorry for them instead of jealous. If your the one never finding it in your heart to compliment another think about when it is your turn for honor why others are not as enthusiastic. It takes a very big person to praise and honor another regardless of what is going on in their own lives. It is easy to be happy for another when we think we are better than they are. It takes dignity and a sense of self-worth to praise others even when our own lives may be falling apart. When a person comments about how large their child is or how tall, it makes me wonder if I  missed something. Is tall better than short or is large better than small? Are blue eyes better than brown or dark hair better than light? Where do these notions come from? I think maybe I should think about how many times I have compared and thus started a competition and I didn't even think  about it.

"It requires less character to discover the fault of others than to tolerate them."J. Petit Senn

"Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us." Thomas Paine

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The Secret Of Successful Listening

"The degree of one's emotion varies inversely with one's knowledge of the facts. The less you know the hotter you get." Anonymous

Hi
The third pitfall to avoid is misconstruing what others say. If one doesn't then it may place us as close to a disaster in a relationship as anyone  could get. Many times we misinterpret what others say and flavor the words with our own ideas. This obviously haunts us and leads our minds down roads that we were never meant to travel. Our feelings take over because we assume it is all about us. Words can hurt us. If we question what is said it allows for discourse and understanding although an other's motives for the dialogue may still appear as secretive. One idea I use to keep from traveling  down the "Do Not Enter" road, is to think about other reasons a person might be moody, sad, angry or out of sorts. The couple may be quarreling. They may have problems at their jobs. They may have issues with their children or spouses family. These problems may have nothing to do with us but they may  not want to discuss these things with others not involved. Most of us think we hide our feelings and moods from others but many times our feelings are shining through for everyone to see. The only thing that is missing is that others don't know why we are angry or sad. They wonder if they caused our ill mood. The challenge for all of us is to refrain from feeling guilt and come to the  knowledge  that many other happenings in a person's life reflect their mood swings. These happenings are too numerous to mention. Most of the time we are not causing an other's emotions. If we are, then we should know what we did.
"Thus each person by his fears, gives wings to the rumor and without any real source of apprehension men fear what they themselves have imagined." Lucan

With that said I would venture to say stop blaming yourself for other people's attitudes.

"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended, and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended." Robert Frost

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Avoid Holiday Problems

"People love others not  for what hey are, but for how they make us feel."  Irwin Federman

Hi
Mothers-in-law who encourage any type of competition might possibly find it can influence the closeness of their children. The result may be a competitive relationship amongst their children. Downplaying competitive behavior allows for a more supportive kind of connection to develop. None of us will discuss our  mistakes or trials to another person that we view as a competitor rather than a supporter. We then lose the chance of gaining support and encouragement. Losing  does not always spur a person to try harder. Many times it makes us to recoil and give up. Spending time  with relatives becomes tedious and stressful. If we support one another we are happy to see each other and look forward to helpful discourse. Parents should begin  right from the beginning wih their children to make an effort of refraining from comparisons of  any kind including who walked talked and toilet trained first. After all we are looking for harmony joy and pleasant rewarding and memorable times together as children and adults.


"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust and hostility to evaporate."  Albert Schweitzer

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Viewing The Forest Instead Of The Tree

"We live in deeds not years, in thoughts , not breaths; In feelings. not in figures on a dial. We should count time by heart throbs. He most lives who thinks the most-feels the noblest-acts the best." Philip James Bailey

This is a topic that would allow us to go on for months and possibly years. Many of us would be shocked to realize we are ever guilty of ungratefulness. None of us does it on purpose or plans it. It just happens. It happens too frequently nowadays. If we could take a look at the small things that go by unnoticed, it might help us to catch a view of the larger things. A simple thing like holding a door is loaded with kindness. We just need to pay better attention to these small acts of kindness which not only bring comfort to us but satisfaction to the person displaying the kindness.

"Graciousness is more than good manners. It is more than courtesy. It is the etiquette of the soul. True graciousness has such a divine quality we feel it is something that comes through us and not from us." Fred Smith

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On Reflection, Maybe The Gift Was Thoughtful.

"Kindness is more important than wisdom, and the recognitiion of this is the beginning of wisdom." Theodore Isaac Rubin
Stepphanie loved to cook. Her MIL hated to cook. Often Steph invited her MIL to dinner because she enjoyed how much her  MIL appreciated good food. Her MIL, Karen especially loved and would comment on Steph's  bread. One holiday Steph decided to buy a bread machine for her MIL. She could  hardly wait for her MIL to open the gift. Upon opening the gift, her MIL was extremely  dissappointed and appeared to be offended. Her MIL just stated Steph should keep the machine or return it because it wasn't something she would use. Steph was now offended herself  and the once strong bond of affection was strained. Both  women retreated to their own thoughts.
After a few days they talked. Karen said she understood that Steph would like her to start making her own bread so she didn't depend on Steph's invitations to dinner. Karen also explained that Steph should understand how much she hated to cook and would thus never use the machine.
Steph stated that she knew  how much Karen loved homemade bread and she wanted her MIL to enjoy it whenever she wanted without waiting for an invitation to dinner from Steph. Stephanie also explained that she was aware how much Karen hated to cook and she thought the machine was a compromise. It wasn't like homemade bread but it was better than store bought bread. Steph finished with how the machine was easy to use.
Both women were so surprised at the confusion the gift had caused. Don't measure the gift in terms of love. Many husbands have royally failed. One of my  husband's first gifts to me was a recipe card holder. I have told him many times he was lucky I went through with marrying him.
It will help at holiday time to think about the gifts of time that others have given. It is a much more valuable gift, and besides, isn't love unconditional?

"That best prtion of the good man's life- his little namelessness, unremembered acts of kindness and of love." Wadsworth

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