IDENTIFYING HEROES

“Friendship is the only cement that will hold the world together.”

I wonder how many people admire rule breakers, or are inspired by them. At times we perceive them as courageous. The truth is they are seekers of a moment of fame. Recognizing what fame is helps us to understand who deserves it. There will never be any mention of those people who deserve a bit of fame for taking care of their neighbors. Such people watch out for them when the wife is left alone when her husband is on a business trip. Kindness is when an older woman is left widowed and has a house to shovel out or a yard to clean. Kindness is when a neighbor gets a prescription for a sick neighbor. These people are not all friends; they just care about a fellow human being. That is altruistic. They are not looking for anything in return nor do they expect anything in return.

These people who get up every day and go to work for the sake of the family are the famous people. These are the ones media should be focusing on. They make the difference in people’s lives. How many people volunteer time and commitment to others? This goes unnoticed. What we read about,in newspapers and on radios is what is sensationalized. what make headlines and what gets a person on television is being a rule breaker. The person who allows their child to talk back to a teacher because they got their feelings hurt will be all over the news. The person who allowed their child to hold onto the wheel of the car even though the child was underage will be front headlines. The people who kill others because of a job loss or broken heart will have their story printed across the country. What happened to doing the right thing just because it is the decent thing to do?  Why do we not give thoughtful hard working people the same acknowledgement and moment of fame? The altruistic people will be gone because we are valuing something far different.

We must encourage our children to help for the sake of helping. Many times there is a price tag attached. We are not teaching our children to take responsibility of a duty and complete it without a lot of praise. Some kids and adults take no accountability for their destructive attitudes and actions. Most of us live by the directives, pay me and I’ll do it. Yet there are real heroes all around us. How we began honoring sports heroes and television celebrities while disregarding the men and women who give of themselves continually is ludicrous. Although there are many in sports that live good lives there are just as many who seek the limelight and without scrutiny, are offered up as a role model. The problem is at times they have little to offer regarding ethics.

If media continues to give these people even a moment of fame, we will continue to witness the eye catching exploits of those with less than desirable morals. Maybe it is time to refer to the rule book and give praise where it is deserved. I know when we die we will all reap what we have sown. If we chase after elusive people and tenuous items we may find ourselves in a place that is not so beautiful. It may be time to teach our children the power of just being an honorable person. Teach our children the importance of doing something for no repay. The person who will let you pick the first donut, share the last cup of coffee in the pot, help you finish shoveling, and drive you to work when your car broke down, volunteer at soup kitchens, collect money for a charity, volunteer on a fire department  is the real hero only he or she doesn’t know it. Stop idolizing the rule breakers, and those that really care more about themselves and their glory and money. Ask yourself this question, if you needed help which person would you want standing beside you.

“Not in the clamor of the crowded street, nor in the shouts and plaudits of the throng, bit in ourselves are triumph and defeat.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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Controlling Others With Force Never Works

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." Albert Einstein

Evolving into our own person requires strength of character and confidence in our own abilities to make decisions. Others can unwittingly destroy the seeds of self-esteem planted within us. People assail mastery over others with or without consent. We must realize that with power comes responsibility. We teach our children to include others and to share and take turns when they play, yet we, as adults, at times like to exclude others we don't deem desirable to our standards. We hate to take turns. We like to have it, do it, make it, and force it our way. What we teach our children is what we need  to emulate in our own behavior. If we ask ourselves where the other person's freedom is to pick and choose and do and make, we might understand the discrepancies in our thinking. How would we feel if we were the person always taking what was left? Social intelligence is acquired through thought  processes. But if we don't take the time to think then we will never arrive at the socially moral answers.

Unchecked  power and control breeds the destruction of others. Bosses pressure their workforce to perform. If the workers do poorly it is on the workers shoulders to face the consequences. If the workers do well the boss gets all or most of the credit. When people work as a team, the outspoken person gets most of the credit even if all were involved in the discussion. The promotion goes to the loudest wheel. In most interviews, the timid person is the loser. We like aggressive people and we feel confident in their power and control. In a true emergency  it is the thinking person who perhaps makes the right decision but we are simply more comfortable with the fighter. Many aggressive people might be thinkers but not all thinkers are necessarily aggressive.
Having power over another commands us to nurture and aid those we influence.
Mothers-in-Law have the ability to manipulate their sons and Daughters-in-Law can easily bias their husbands beliefs. The man who is caught in the middle between two powerful controlling systems, potentially loses his power completely and might then be blamed for his weakness. We don't see ourselves in any of these struggles. Instead we disdain a peaceful answer as weakness. Fear and guilt are two traveling buddies we can call upon to make our cases when we want the control. At that  point we have lost our reflective process and our humanity.
A  worker cannot function forever out of anxiety and self-reproach. In a relationship of any kind, the constant pressure of proving our loyalties becomes tedious and burdensome. In the end everyone loses. The boss gets less from his worker because the worker gives up on the possibility of ever pleasing his boss. The husband gives up his attempts at a peaceful co-existence for his wife and mother. This in turn causes less attention and  support to our children and ourselves and an atmosphere of dissension.
The answer might simply be to avoid controlling others. Directing and collaborating is fine.  Compromising and discussing alleviates anger and promotes a calmness to the situation. Anyone can feign toughness, loudness, forcefulness and belligerence. Most of us will step out of the way. It takes character, social intelligence, insight and respect for others to work in the opposite direction and bring a positive solution to a vexing situation. The result is an overwhelming uplifting of your whole self and a lightness of mind and body to an altruistic state. Moral elevation is worth more than any award or promotion one could ever receive.

"The highest reward for a person's toil, is not what they get for it but what they become by it." John Rushkin

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Just Be The Superhero

"A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle." Benjamin Franklin
"The work of the individual still remains the spark that moves mankind forward." Igor Sikorsky
"Character is the total of thousands of small daily strivings to live up to the best that is in us." Lt. Arthur Trudeau

I am of the opinion that when we die we will be judged not so much for all of our wrongdoings but for all those times we did not step in to help another person we saw who was in need of help. This might sound crazy but we worry so much about the fact that we never hurt anybody, we never yelled or called another person any  names. We never acted aggressively towards anyone or cut someone out of a line or acted prejudice towards another person. We have a sure pass to heaven. We live our lives thinking we are better than  the screamer or drunk or cranky neighbor. We pity their faults. many of us live our whole lives believing we are trying our best to be good and we are "good".

The problem could be that we are not spiritual. We are not even humane. If we haven't taught our children more than to say please and thank you we are not even respectful. We might just be selfish self contained proud and possessive. Wow that is a lot to think about and most of us at the moment are saying I definitely don't fit in with that group. Unfortunately many or most of us do possibly some of the time. It is time to wake up. Time to stop kidding ourselves. We listen to religious leaders talk about what  we should  not do to others. We should not steal, envy, or hurt another to name a few. We don't  hear often what we should do for others. I think that is what we will be  held responsible for.

We are on our way to work and get a  call from a friend early in the morning. We know they probably are looking  for a ride and we have driven them before. We are late and don't want to get them and we don't have the time. Give yourself a check for ignoring the neighbor. The wife or husband must take them and they are very late and get into  trouble with their boss. It goes against them when they are up for a review and a pay raise. They go home that night and fight with their spouse. Hey it isn't our fault. They need to get their car fixed.
We are in a bad mood. We are visiting with relatives. We wait for the usual retort from the relative who always says something stupid. We contradict them and prove them wrong. They sit quietly after that and we're glad because we don't care to listen to them anyways. Give yourself a check. We don't get to see it  when they go home and flop into a chair and cry. They blubber how stupid they are and how they should just keep their big mouth shut. They are up all night, drag themselves to work the next day and snap a mean retort to anyone who asks them a question.

Our parents are old. We haven't called them in at least a week. We don't feel like calling them now. We know the routine. We'll hear how much they miss us and why haven't we called. We'll listen, tell them how busy we are, apologize and promise to call sooner the next time. We know we won't but that's okay we have our lives to live and we are busy. We hang up the phone and quickly turn on the game and think to ourselves I hope I didn't miss much. Another check. We miss the part where our parents are happy we called but their eyes are glistening in the light because they miss us and miss hearing from us. They hope they didn't offend us with the remarks about calling them. They hope we'll call again soon. They are worried.

We look out the window and see our neighbor trying to catch their runaway dog. They look mighty stupid. We see their dog in our back yard but it's cold and we don't want to go outside.  Besides we consider, the dog will take off as soon as we go outside and approach him. The dog heads for the street and gets hit by a car. We shake our heads at them and say people like that shouldn't own dogs because they don't know how to take care of them. Take a check. We  missed the part where their child's friend came over to play and upon leaving opened the door wide enough for the dog to slip outside. Now the child is in tears because he blames himself for the dog's mishap.

The young mother drops her bag of groceries behind her car. We are already in our car backing out and driving away. She scrambles to pick them up as her toddler in the car unlocks her seat belt. the mother rushes to control the toddler and some of her groceries roll under her car and of course she is unaware of this. She heads back to her groceries and misses a few. She then goes home only to find important items missing, one of which is something her husband requested. She explains, he listens but is not moved only upset that she didn't get what he was waiting for. Add the check.

The snow was deep and the old guy across the street was attempting to shovel a path for himself,  to the mailbox. you ask yourself, where are his kids when he needs them. They are lazy you think. The checks are adding up. The young mother  is dragging in her barrels, while her toddler is yanking on her pants. You hesitate but she can handle it she's a grown up besides where is her husband anyways. The list goes on to more severe instances and to the lesser humdrum incidences. We are not bad, we are good, but we are unaware of the harm or the hurt we cause another by not being more attentive to their needs.  We certainly cannot always rescue another but maybe once in awhile we can be moved into action. If you look at how much comfort and ease we have brought to someone's life, satisfaction creeps in. Hopefully when we see
 a person in need and we have the time,  we will  overcome our doubts and become their super hero for the moment.

"You are the way you are because that's the way you  want to be. If you really wanted to be any different, you would be in the process of changing right now. " Fred Smith

"If what you believe doesn't affect how you live, then it isn't very important." Dick Nogleberg

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