A PLACE TO ESCAPE

Has anyone discovered how fast our energy depletes when we are around negative thinking people? At times we may give freely of our advice and listening ear but sometimes we deplete our own resources. We are not always aware of how easily they take our energy. Likewise, we can deplete our own energy when we spend so much time reflecting on the hurts and  insults we received throughout the day. In order to release these harmful thoughts, we must review the positive remarks others have sent our way and drop the negative emotions tied to any words or actions sent our way. I know it always sounds easier than it is to do. Actually by focusing on happier moments of interactions throughout the day we manage to let go of or block out feelings of humiliation or lack of self-worth. It is so difficult for me to let go of these restraining bonds I create with my negative thoughts. They come as a result of the injurious retorts others lash out at me. I reflected on this and realized how much wasted time I was giving to horrible feelings which mean acts had caused. My focus began to turn to more positive thoughts and I suddenly began  to perk up and feel better. My conclusion  was to keep my thoughts on higher subjects, purer ideas and soul boosting happy thoughts. It works  so for those who can't seem to keep out the negative, take my advice and think about happy things, places and people, actions, projects and awe inspiring details. You won't have room for those negative thoughts and they are put to rest. One son told me one time that I didn't always get angry with someone or something because I went to my happy place. I agree and recommend it to everyone.
 The next time someone takes more than their share of your good energy,  advise as best you can and then walk away, change the  subject, or go to your happy place and refresh your own  soul. In the end you will increase your energy. All of us at times need a boost in our resources but we should never take all of it from another. Let insults roll off of your back and they won't get stuck to you. Let negative thoughts of another dwindle and you will be flowing with enthusiasm. Look for the good in people and dismiss what you don't like in them. We are all such a mixture and more jumbled on any given day.Our moods are ours to control. As my son says "Mom just goes to her happy place." I reply, "You're welcome to come."

Visit my new blog  >>>  blog.pamreynolds.me

We All Need Space

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” John Wooden

Needing space is not always about the living area. At times we need a break from certain people. We may love them and care about them but we need a break from them. By recognizing this important fact, we can keep a distance when necessary and not only maintain a relationship but have no guilt. When we attend to others we have a feeling of duty to be at their disposal. Maybe this is feasible some of the time. It is impossible to achieve all of the time. Admitting our own needs and responsibilities may alleviate the anxious feelings we have when we can’t always solve other people’s problems. Having empathy does not mean we can’t say no. At times we must say no at least for that moment. At a later date we may be able to fulfill another’s need but not at the present time.

We all feel overwhelmed with duty. Our thoughts say if you love this person you will find the time or find a way to help them with a difficulty. The end result is a total depletion of our own energy and spirit. This is not good. We need to maintain our own spirits in order to be of service to others. Maybe if we admitted we couldn’t take on a duty, it might be helpful to the person if they were required to do it for themselves. They may need to be able to gain confidence in their own ability. We may be completely unaware that we are creating a dependency. Even our elderly parents must acknowledge that our lives are important and deserve attention. I am not suggesting neglect but pacing. 

I don’t believe others are aware of the burdens they place on us. At the same time it is up to us to be alert to what we can and can’t do. By all means help others right away if it is within your power and you are up to the challenge. If your energy level is already diminished then refrain from making any more commitments. Unless your family or friend is in crisis mode, save the job for another day or allow them to garner help from another person.

The guilt of not being able to be at the disposal for another individual can overtake our logic and reason. Some of us believe we will not be loved if we don’t accommodate others whenever they ask. We can’t win love in this way. Our spouses, parents, siblings, friends and co-workers should step back and expect to compromise. The options might be a later date for the job to be performed or maybe the hiring of another person to do the job. Our bodies and minds need time to adjust and settle down after a long day. It may be a perfect time for the person requesting aid but a less than perfect time for us to accomplish the task.

We can’t feel guilty when we say no to requests. Dismiss any thoughts that the person in need will stop caring for us because we replied in the negative. A doormat gets used up quickly and tossed in the rubbish. When it begins to fray and spreads bristles, out it goes. Likewise we will also stretch bend and break. At that point we will be angry bitter exhausted and vengeful. This holds true for any relationship that is demanding and without empathy. Who cares if the rubbish or light bulb waits an extra week? The multitudes of tasks we deem so important are really irrelevant in the scheme of life. It seems more reasonable to ask another to visit for coffee and a chat. Release burdens others have created for you.

Being a people pleaser has more to do with our need for keeping love and maintaining a relationship.   Even when we have no stamina left we attempt to please others when asked. We want the approval even at the price of our own welfare. Neither guilt nor ego should prod us into wearing ourselves thin. It is important to maintain our mind and body. We don’t have to be constantly manipulated by others. It is wonderful to be kind helpful and caring but we can’t forsake our own needs. In order to be a contributing compassionate person, we can help others when possible within reason and without ulterior motives. Leave our guilt and duty behind and when we need rest simply say maybe later.

“I am thankful for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home… I am thankful for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means my loved ones are nearby.” Nancie J. Carmody

Visit my new blog  >>>  blog.pamreynolds.me

DEVELOP CONFIDENCE DISCARD FEAR

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

 Many times we allow others to dictate the rules and pass judgment on us. Of course at work our superiors do it all the time. The problem is bosses are not always correct in their conclusions of our work or behavior. Why one boss finds our work very good while another condemns it is frustrating.  It is because like everything else, it is subjective. My idea about how to go about building something will most likely differ from your ideas about a structure.  The person who gets to dictate is the person with more power.  This does not mean they really have a better plan. It simply means they have the control over the rules. When one dictates the procedures, one also dictates the desired result. Even if we follow someone else’s guidelines, there is no guarantee of the outcome. The only guarantee is that we will take the blame if we are not successful. The truth is many people are diminished and insecure because others fault them at work or in any group project or situation. The result is devastating to the person blamed, who begins feeling inadequate about everything they attempt.

                We might think about the child on a sports team who is rarely played, so his job is to warm the bench. He loses precious time to improve his ball skills while the players who get more field time advance impressively. What happens is the athletes playing regularly build their confidence while those players who frequently sit out most of the game, build their self-doubt. At times this can carry over into other areas of their lives. Adults who have trouble getting along with the boss are in the same situation. They can’t seem to get it right or improve whatever their boss is recommending. It would occur to any thinking person that it is not deliberate and the person is attempting to please their boss. After all they don’t want to lose their job. Curiously the insecure person doesn’t know how to get off of the damaging path they are treading.

The person becomes subordinate, has self-doubt and low self-esteem. These feelings add to his or her dilemma. What this person might have attempted before their insecurity fills them with fear. They are already under scrutiny and can’t afford to make any mistakes. They begin doing everything by the rule book without any thoughts of good or bad. In the end they fail totally because the odds have been successfully stacked against them. The sorry part is that they are now diminished as a person and innately feel like a failure. They have lost their self-confidence and desire to try anything new. It carries into all areas of their lives and we now see a depressed person.

At one time this person was relevant and viable and had some self-worth. They felt competent at making decisions. The point is they are still the same person. They simply allowed themselves to be defined as a person, by somebody else. This definition is far removed from who they really are and what they truly are capable of doing. They need to understand this or they will dive into a full blown depression. It is amazing the power one can wield over another without permission. It is astounding that people would hurt another so deeply without a care. If a boss is upset with someone’s work, they might simply get a mentor to intervene. They also might help the person with suggestions in a kind manner. Firing someone or ripping them apart is loathsome. There are other ways to deal with a person that would yield better results, keep their confidence intact and aid the workplace in the process.

Our attitudes, looks, age and personalities unfortunately enter into decisions others make about us. We may not be able to control these matters. What we can control and must control are our own beliefs. Our character is known to us and a higher being. Just because another person ranked higher in the job sphere does not mean they can dictate who or what we are. We must believe in ourselves and our abilities and leave no room for doubt. Having confidence and feeling adequate does not mean we can’t accept criticism and input from others. Even the boss has crossed the line if we feel subordinate, stupid, incapable and immobilized. It really is our choice to refrain from believing this defines us. We are so much more than that. We are so much more than others even know about us. We might have to learn new things but we are capable of learning. Given the correct tools advice and help, we can accomplish much.

If we are uncomfortable in a work situation, we might think about switching areas within a company, switching hours or teams or attempting to find employment elsewhere. We always have choices. We should never feel boxed in. When we believe we have no alternatives, that is the time  we shut down. We might have to look around and search for our answers elsewhere. We might team up with another worker. We should be comfortable asking others for help or we might take a refresher course. What we cannot do is lose our value in our own eyes. All the wonderful things we do, can do and will do are lost if we give up on our-self. One person or one group’s interpretation of what we are is ludicrous. Step back and put the whole scene into focus. Sometimes change is good and might be the right thing to do. We can’t be afraid to step out into the unknown and take the chance. If we reflected we might realize things would not be any worse and they might just be better. Build your self-confidence and trust your own delineation of who you are.

"Don't be afraid to take a big step if needed. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps." Anonymous

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." Dr. Martin Luther King

Visit my new blog  >>>  blog.pamreynolds.me

Tension Improves Development

"Some tension is good for the soul to grow, and we can put that intention to good use. We can look for every opportunity to give and receive love, to appreciate nature, to heal our wounds and the wounds of others, to forgive and to serve." Joan Borysenko, from Handbook for the Soul


I keep coming back to fear because more mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law ask questions that are basically loaded with their fears. they do not specifically say I fear this or that but it blazes through their questions. DIL's fear losing control, measuring up, and losing their husbands love. They worry about being number one. MIL's fear losing their son and grandchildren. they angst over losing their sons' confidence in them because of feeling undermined with truth stretching by their DIL. I think that love, jealousy and power are the culprits. We don't have to be a MIL or a DIL to want these things. We are too  wrapped up in power and control. Once we understand how little control we have over anything in our lives the calmer and happier we become. Just because someone has the power doesn't mean they have the best answers nor the respect. We don't seem able to learn that power is within and when one has it we have no need to flaunt it or use it to rise above anyone else. Real power lifts another above oneself. Honest power is without jealous tendencies and comes to someone's aid not because they are a friend or family but because they are another human being in  need of help. Power is the ability to love all others and to see our connections to others. If we treated everyone like family, there would be abundant support for everyone. No one would be hungry, hurt or in emotional pain. If we can cross the line, we won't be drawing any lines that prevent others from crossing. Most of us live in small worlds. Until we see the world differently we will continue to have issues with each other. There is enough love to go around for everyone to share. We don't need to consume it all ourselves. We don't have all the answers nor are we always correct in our thinking. It takes less energy to simply get along and strive for peace than it does to declare war and fight for control. If there isn't really any control then what did we fight with our DIL or MIL about? Fighting within the home releases negativity which causes us to fight among neighbors, states, and countries. The answer might be simple. Let go of power and control urges, jealousy and fear passions, and worries and anxieties. Your whole being will be lighter, you'll smile more, you'll observe, hear, see, and feel more. You will carry so much less baggage and your conscience will be clear. I know which option I will choose.

"Do a little more than you're paid to. Give a little more than you have to. Try a little harder than you want to. Aim a little higher than you think possible, and give a lot of thanks to God for health, family and friends." Art Linkletter

Visit my new blog  >>>  blog.pamreynolds.me

Escape The Fear And Anxiety

"To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally convenient solutions ; both dispense with the necessity of reflecion." Jules Henri

Fear can and does take over our lives. Chunking down our fears shows us they are unfounded in almost every situation. Let's face it, we are paying a terrible toll for what most likely will never occur. We may pity the person who is afraid of heights or afraid to go into crowds yet we don't notice our own shortcomings regarding fear. We fear another's  getting the better of us so we contradict what they say. later we regret what we said and more anxiety prevails.  We add some guilt on top of the fear. It might be easier for us all if we make a conscious attempt to think before we speak. Once we've spoken we need not wonder about  worthiness or repercussions of our actions.

We might attempt to speak from the heart and not the hip. If we speak from the heart we have not intentionally harmed  anyone. How a person interprets what was said is their issue. Later when we are trying to fall asleep, we won't be bothered by nagging thoughts of if we did this or that and was it good or bad. Try to always think first and then have no regrets. If you are later proven wrong about something go from there adding thought before you speak again. If we fear losing love of any kind question why. Do you think the sun will  not come up again? Do you think no one else loves you or you will not ever love anyone else? Do you want to control that person rather than just love them? In our hearts there is room to love many others.

We don't have to  be the only ones filling another's void. Others have room in their hearts to love many people. The more love we have the more love that comes back to us and the better person we become. So why fear sharing love. Why fear losing love. If we respect and nurture our love it should thrive. Love should never be put  in chains. If we have to lock up a treasure in order to hold on to it then it is not free and therefore not ours.

Fear of change is a very big fear for all of us. Change is something we can always count on. Again one must think of change as a chance to add more experiences and people into our circle of love and friendship. People are not scary. We need not fear a job change. There is always the quiet person, the "expert", the loud ones etc. It is as if we never left the previous employment. Finding love and friendship in one place should give us hope of finding it in many other places. We all want acceptance and people to  respect and cherish. Our goals are the same in many ways. Stop fearing the unknown because we have some knowledge of it.. Truthfully we are aware of things about ourselves that would never measure up to another's, however we also have things about us that no one else can compete with. The fact is we are so unique. Besides as I often say life is not a competition. Life is an awesome learning experience.

Somehow I don't think our higher being is worried about how much technology we've learned or how many school books we've memorized. I believe we will be judged on just how much love we have learned to give regardless of what comes back to us in the process. It's about giving our hearts away time and again to others. In that way we learn to love ourselves. In loving ourselves we can love others more and risk more. We all have the power so don't fear,  just go on out to face the world and always give it your humble loving best.

"People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and frankness makes you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway. The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind. Think big anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build it anyway. People really need help but may attack if you help them. Help people anyway. Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you've got anyway."
Anonymous

Visit my new blog  >>>  blog.pamreynolds.me

CONSIDER WHAT COUNTS

"You give but little when you give of your own possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give." Kahil Gibran

 We search for things all the time. We can never seem to get everything done by the end of the day. We think, maybe if I try harder tomorrow or give up some lunch time or get out earlier or  get up earlier etc. We're all lacking time yet we are not so worried about time. It's as if we want all their is in the amount of time we get in a day. If you ask a wife or a husband what they would like from their spouse it will most likely be time alone. Children ask and ask parents to watch, look listen help and play. On the worst day at work we might be thinking about when it is time to go home and see our loved ones. The key word is time yet we abuse it misuse it and waste it. When we get time we forget all the good thoughts we had about what is important in our lives and instead begin to focus on what we should or need  to do. So we have the problem what is the answer?

I think we need to focus on what we know is important. That is what we think about in our worst states of mind. People are what counts. One must begin thinking about people and how important they are to us.The sink, laundry, shopping housecleaning computer phone calls, texts and papers can literally wait. People should never have to place second to any of these devices swallowing up our time. If we lined them all up and were told to only choose one it is likely we would choose the  people we love. Yet we spend so much time doing all those other things. What never seems to get done is TIME with PEOPLE. It's never too late to change our habits. Put those you love first in your life. If you only have a limited time never cut it from your loved ones. You will find relationships stronger and connections to your children stronger to the point that you may not have the problems you  had with them when you didn't have time for them. Marriage problems lighten,  child issues get resolved quicker and somehow  when you go to bed at night you don't feel guilty that you didn't get to those other things. Because you have taken care of the main things in your life. Suddenly you might discover that your life appears to be flowing smoother and you wonder why. Maybe it is because you have chosen wisely in the way you decided to spend your time.

"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." Albert Einstein

Visit my new blog  >>>  blog.pamreynolds.me