"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
Many times we allow others to dictate the
rules and pass judgment on us. Of course at work our superiors do it all the
time. The problem is bosses are not always correct in their conclusions of our
work or behavior. Why one boss finds our work very good while another condemns it
is frustrating. It is because like
everything else, it is subjective. My idea about how to go about building something
will most likely differ from your ideas about a structure. The person who gets to dictate is the person
with more power. This does not mean they
really have a better plan. It simply means they have the control over the
rules. When one dictates the procedures, one also dictates the desired result.
Even if we follow someone else’s guidelines, there is no guarantee of the
outcome. The only guarantee is that we will take the blame if we are not
successful. The truth is many people are diminished and insecure because others
fault them at work or in any group project or situation. The result is devastating
to the person blamed, who begins feeling inadequate about everything they
attempt.
We might think about the child on a sports
team who is rarely played, so his job is to warm the bench. He loses precious
time to improve his ball skills while the players who get more field time advance
impressively. What happens is the athletes playing regularly build their
confidence while those players who frequently sit out most of the game, build
their self-doubt. At times this can carry over into other areas of their lives.
Adults who have trouble getting along with the boss are in the same situation.
They can’t seem to get it right or improve whatever their boss is recommending.
It would occur to any thinking person that it is not deliberate and the person
is attempting to please their boss. After all they don’t want to lose their job.
Curiously the insecure person doesn’t know how to get off of the damaging path
they are treading.
The person becomes subordinate, has
self-doubt and low self-esteem. These feelings add to his or her dilemma. What
this person might have attempted before their insecurity fills them with fear. They
are already under scrutiny and can’t afford to make any mistakes. They begin
doing everything by the rule book without any thoughts of good or bad. In the
end they fail totally because the odds have been successfully stacked against
them. The sorry part is that they are now diminished as a person and innately
feel like a failure. They have lost their self-confidence and desire to try
anything new. It carries into all areas of their lives and we now see a
depressed person.
At one time this person was
relevant and viable and had some self-worth. They felt competent at making decisions.
The point is they are still the same person. They simply allowed themselves to
be defined as a person, by somebody else. This definition is far removed from
who they really are and what they truly are capable of doing. They need to
understand this or they will dive into a full blown depression. It is amazing
the power one can wield over another without permission. It is astounding that
people would hurt another so deeply without a care. If a boss is upset with
someone’s work, they might simply get a mentor to intervene. They also might
help the person with suggestions in a kind manner. Firing someone or ripping
them apart is loathsome. There are other ways to deal with a person that would
yield better results, keep their confidence intact and aid the workplace in the
process.
Our attitudes, looks, age and
personalities unfortunately enter into decisions others make about us. We may
not be able to control these matters. What we can control and must control are
our own beliefs. Our character is known to us and a higher being. Just because
another person ranked higher in the job sphere does not mean they can dictate
who or what we are. We must believe in ourselves and our abilities and leave no
room for doubt. Having confidence and feeling adequate does not mean we can’t
accept criticism and input from others. Even the boss has crossed the line if
we feel subordinate, stupid, incapable and immobilized. It really is our choice
to refrain from believing this defines us. We are so much more than that. We
are so much more than others even know about us. We might have to learn new
things but we are capable of learning. Given the correct tools advice and help,
we can accomplish much.
If we are uncomfortable in a work
situation, we might think about switching areas within a company, switching
hours or teams or attempting to find employment elsewhere. We always have
choices. We should never feel boxed in. When we believe we have no
alternatives, that is the time we shut down. We might have to look around and search for our answers elsewhere. We might team up with another worker. We should be comfortable asking others for help or we might take a refresher course. What we cannot do is lose our value in our own eyes. All the wonderful things we do, can do
and will do are lost if we give up on our-self. One person or one group’s
interpretation of what we are is ludicrous. Step back and put the whole scene
into focus. Sometimes change is good and might be the right thing to do. We can’t
be afraid to step out into the unknown and take the chance. If we reflected we
might realize things would not be any worse and they might just be better.
Build your self-confidence and trust your own delineation of who you are.
"Don't be afraid to take a big step if needed. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps." Anonymous
"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." Dr. Martin Luther King
