If You Downplay Expectations, You Decrease Stress

It is a mystery why we expect so much of ourselves. It is awesome to have lofty goals but when we expect to accomplish more than what even two people are capable of accomplishing, it is time to release some of the burden. Our own goals are so much higher than any expectations others have for us. The trouble is we fault ourselves when we fail to meet all of our challenges. We also run the risk of becoming so defeated that we give up and stop any attempts to achieve any goals.  

               We are our own worst enemy. It is time to settle down and accomplish what we can accomplish and let go of what is impossible to do. It is always commendable to work for the highest goal but if we fall short of it we need to promise that we won’t punish ourselves with Self-reproach. Guilt is a great reducer of energy, and self-esteem. Other people in our lives suppose we can solve dilemmas. Our children expect us to endlessly help them and to do it with a smile. It might even be at the loss of our own free time. Parents wait for us to take care of some of their difficulties. Sometimes the timing is all wrong but of course aging parents do not always take that as a good excuse.  Elderly parents have more time on their hands to think about their difficulties and tasks that require attendance. The problem is we are the ones that must pay attention to such complications.

               If we are aware of how much attention we place on the troubles of other people we realize that just maybe we are not so bad. We care about helping others who are struggling. We place the needs of our family and extended family before our own. We are good people. It is not the end of the world to put off a task that appears to be too much for us to handle at the moment. If we approach that same task when we are spilling over with more enthusiasm, we will manage to get it accomplished in record speed. Performing our duties when we are too tired to take them on is asking for trouble. In the end we will use up the little energy we have and most likely perform a shoddy job because we are tired and our heart and mind are not attuned to the task.

               Many times work places pressures on us to accomplish work that may be impossible to complete in the given timeframe. People in charge have no idea the amount of time a particular task might take to complete. Their goal is to badger us into working beyond our time to finish the task as fast as we can. They are happy the task got done while we feel defeated because we didn’t finish in the time allotted. We probably completed the job in record time. We are unaware of this fact so it overshadows our pride in our performance. Again we are stressed and depressed as well as of the opinion we did not meet expectations.

               The more we focus on how little we think we are accomplishing, the less we get done. It is truly up to us to b become aware of our work ethic and be more reasonable with ourselves. We can have a bad, sick or mental health day. If we must put something or someone off until a time in the future so be it. The more we take our duties in stride the more confidence we will have in our abilities and the less scattered we will be.

               The burden of never being good enough can drive a person into a health risk. We can believe we are too stupid to accomplish what is required. Our thoughts turn to if only I were smarter or more educated or had more money or a different job. If we don’t change our attitude then it really doesn’t matter if we are brighter, more educated, and richer or had a better job. The outcome is the same. Changing our attitude along with our expectations allows us more freedom and fewer burdens. If we lose our health, we can’t do anything for anyone. Our goal needs to be to help others yes but within parameters. Expect to do and give our best but have guidelines. Let negative comments from others roll off of our shoulders. Keep our goal in site but rest when we must. Become the boss of ourselves. Give but measure the amount we are capable of giving at any given moment. Throw guilt out the window and never ever doubt yourself. Trust yourself and your inner feelings. In the end you will achieve fulfillment for yourself and others.  

Visit my new blog  >>>  blog.pamreynolds.me

Controlling Others With Force Never Works

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." Albert Einstein

Evolving into our own person requires strength of character and confidence in our own abilities to make decisions. Others can unwittingly destroy the seeds of self-esteem planted within us. People assail mastery over others with or without consent. We must realize that with power comes responsibility. We teach our children to include others and to share and take turns when they play, yet we, as adults, at times like to exclude others we don't deem desirable to our standards. We hate to take turns. We like to have it, do it, make it, and force it our way. What we teach our children is what we need  to emulate in our own behavior. If we ask ourselves where the other person's freedom is to pick and choose and do and make, we might understand the discrepancies in our thinking. How would we feel if we were the person always taking what was left? Social intelligence is acquired through thought  processes. But if we don't take the time to think then we will never arrive at the socially moral answers.

Unchecked  power and control breeds the destruction of others. Bosses pressure their workforce to perform. If the workers do poorly it is on the workers shoulders to face the consequences. If the workers do well the boss gets all or most of the credit. When people work as a team, the outspoken person gets most of the credit even if all were involved in the discussion. The promotion goes to the loudest wheel. In most interviews, the timid person is the loser. We like aggressive people and we feel confident in their power and control. In a true emergency  it is the thinking person who perhaps makes the right decision but we are simply more comfortable with the fighter. Many aggressive people might be thinkers but not all thinkers are necessarily aggressive.
Having power over another commands us to nurture and aid those we influence.
Mothers-in-Law have the ability to manipulate their sons and Daughters-in-Law can easily bias their husbands beliefs. The man who is caught in the middle between two powerful controlling systems, potentially loses his power completely and might then be blamed for his weakness. We don't see ourselves in any of these struggles. Instead we disdain a peaceful answer as weakness. Fear and guilt are two traveling buddies we can call upon to make our cases when we want the control. At that  point we have lost our reflective process and our humanity.
A  worker cannot function forever out of anxiety and self-reproach. In a relationship of any kind, the constant pressure of proving our loyalties becomes tedious and burdensome. In the end everyone loses. The boss gets less from his worker because the worker gives up on the possibility of ever pleasing his boss. The husband gives up his attempts at a peaceful co-existence for his wife and mother. This in turn causes less attention and  support to our children and ourselves and an atmosphere of dissension.
The answer might simply be to avoid controlling others. Directing and collaborating is fine.  Compromising and discussing alleviates anger and promotes a calmness to the situation. Anyone can feign toughness, loudness, forcefulness and belligerence. Most of us will step out of the way. It takes character, social intelligence, insight and respect for others to work in the opposite direction and bring a positive solution to a vexing situation. The result is an overwhelming uplifting of your whole self and a lightness of mind and body to an altruistic state. Moral elevation is worth more than any award or promotion one could ever receive.

"The highest reward for a person's toil, is not what they get for it but what they become by it." John Rushkin

Visit my new blog  >>>  blog.pamreynolds.me

Keep Thoughts Like A Warm Breeze On A Summer Day

"Watch your THOUGHTS, they become  WORDS. Watch your WORDS, they become ACTIONS. Watch your ACTIONS, they become HABITS. Watch your HABITS, they become CHARACTER. Watch your CHARACTER, it becomes your DESTINY."  Fran Outlaw

Has anyone ever felt like they were floundering? useless? defeated? My thoughts exactly. I started wondering why we get to that point. We worry about what we do because people might misinterpret it. We worry about what we say because it might not register the way we meant it. We worry about what everyone else said and did because we reflect on what they meant by it all. Our thoughts  make us worry. I decided it was time to control my thoughts. I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. We need to stop putting so much pressure on each other. I'm going to accept that what you said or did was meant in the best of intentions even if it came out all wrong and caused me pain. I'll accept that you had a bad day or week or month or even year. I'll accept that you were dealing with family or health issues. I'll accept that you haven't yet learned to let the small stuff float away. I hope in all of this we will always be good friends or good family members.

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend."  Albert Camus

Visit my new blog  >>>  blog.pamreynolds.me

Guilt's Power Is Stress Producing

Every day, when you wake up, think about all the wonderful things you should be thankful for. I am as guilty as anyone for finding issues that annoy me. I lose my patience too many times due to silly little things. After reflecting on this I realized I have so much happiness in my life. It occurred to me that it was time to dwell on the positive and let the negative flow out of the mind. In the scheme of things, most of the irritating issues are minor. People are major. If I alienate people I create added stress and anxiety to my life.  The next day I regret any harsh words I spoke. Of course I can’t explain why I spoke them. We all have such situations. Irritations build up as well as obligations. Our minds have trouble keeping everything straight. When some random or not so random person places the last straw on our backs we explode. This can be a mild explosion but if it creates disharmony, it is sad. Most of us want to get along but find it difficult when we are burdened with all of the pressures of life. We may at times believe we are carrying most of the load at home and or at work. We might also feel we are keeping friendships going and working hard for our families with little return. All I can say is that there really is return in the knowledge that you have been doing a successfully great job nurturing and caring for the family. We start in pre-school and end up passing high school and maybe college. We wonder at how we got there. It’s the same with life. When we work hard at something in the end the finished product makes us smile. The important thing is to know what is important and quit judging the items that don’t really matter. Relax and get along. Life is easier, more comforting and filled with more people who care and support you. As they say live love laugh and I say forgive and definitely forget. Count your blessings.

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Mark Twain

“Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” Oliver Goldsmith

Visit my new blog  >>>  blog.pamreynolds.me