LEAVE YOUR EGO AT HOME THEN ENJOY THE PARTY

At Holiday get-togethers we sometimes spend more time worrying about the family we will be interacting with, than the simple pleasure of their company. We are wasting a happy occasion with our non-stop anxieties. Many of these fears are of our own making and actually carry no weight. Other family members who are also attending are probably bringing their own set of worries. All of us are oblivious to each other because we are focusing on our own thoughts about the Holiday. Likely we all feel insecure about ourselves and it registers with fear, anxiety, distrust, and worry. We are not paying the slightest attention to others. We are solely focused on ourselves and our concern of the judgments of others. If we could simply view the Holiday gathering with different eyes we might be able to enjoy the upcoming event. My best to  you with this endeavor. I offer a few of my insights on family bonding.

These are some tips on how to deal with SIL relationships and create a positive culture in your family amongst the siblings and siblings-in-law:

• Competing with your siblings -in-law creates a no-win situation. Being right or wrong is not as important as how well everyone's sense of worth remains intact. Maintain your self-confidence, and be cognizant of the vulnerability in others. Words spoken from the tips of tongues are not profound deliberations.

• Siblings-in-Law as well as siblings compete somewhat, but parents ought to downplay this circumstance. If parents unwittingly encourage this behavior, then it could possibly continue and have an influence on the closeness of siblings. The result may be a competitive relationship amongst their children which follows them into adulthood.

• Siblings-in-law, who choose to misconstrue the mother-in-law's remarks, may get as close to a disaster as anyone could.  This woman is the mother of this young man and she loves him unconditionally, but judgments will proclaim their own erroneous analyses.

• One must be reminded that sometimes we create our own competition. It may not always be the mother-in-law or the sibling-in-law causing it. The mother-in-law or sibling-in-law could become the scapegoat, but they may be innocent.

• Every time a sibling-in-law shares the most recent event in her young child's life does not mean she is boastful. Size is not better. Learning is not intelligence. Athletic ability is not valor. Beauty never denotes inner quality. Why do we fret? We cannot be insecure. Pitting siblings or grandchildren against each other creates animosity and tension.

• A person relishes promising comments and praise of their child. This will also create bonds of friendship with your siblings-in-law. The end result is an ally and a pal you can confide in. Compliments stimulate greater achievement.

• Look for the things you have in common with your siblings-in-law. This will help you to bond with each other. Extend equal acceptance of your nieces or nephews. Refrain from comparing children. They are all unique individuals, with their own talents and personalities.

• Diversity makes life more interesting. With girls, beauty might become another area that causes suffering. Many sisters, as well as sisters-in-law, are compared. How do we decide what beauty, strength or kindness is or is not? Might strength be enduring a childhood illness, accepting rejection by others or rejection from joining a team as well as being the best player on a team? Is strength accepting a job loss without blaming our spouse, enduring the guiding of a difficult child, suffering the loss of a loved one? Our lives are complicated enough and loaded with trials.  Many of us don't recognize our own or the achievements of others. Jealousy creeps in when we believe we are burdened but others have it easier.

• A trace of jealousy may always be present, but it can be kept in restraint. All of us struggle to balance our lives with peace and happiness. We can presume on the surface that others have life easier than we do, but everyone struggles. Some hide the labor better than others do, and some complain less, but the grind is enduring for all. Supporting each other as well as managing the jealous tendencies can make life so much easier.  Remember that praise and gratefulness go a long way in healing pain, frustration, and envy. 

• Families with a culture of competitiveness among adult children will likely foster anger, frustration, and guilt. Be cognizant of the fact that all children in the family can be depended upon to carry out distinct undertakings. Some children are prodigious at inviting their parents for dinner and entertaining them. Other children are present when there is a difficulty. Still others will assume major responsibilities for their parents if the time and need arises. Siblings can't feel they have let their parents down because they didn't do what another sibling did. This will cause disharmony in their sibling relationship.

Would you say you have a good relationship with your SIL? If so, how do you make it work so well?

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Sibling Rivalry Something Worth Thinking About

If we want our children to have a close relationship, we must learn to refrain from comparing them in any way. As soon as we place them in any kind of a competition, we are chipping away at their ability to maintain a healthy loving connectedness. When a new baby enters a household, havoc begins. The older sibling is threatened. After all they had mom and dad all to themselves. Now they must wait before their needs are met. Why would they want to embrace this new person arriving on the scene? Parents need to instruct the child but do not want to yell at them when they attempt to hit their sibling. You must talk about the new baby explaining how much the baby and they are loved. Keep an eye on what transpires but allow the resident sibling chances to view and touch as well as help with the new baby.

Of course aggression towards the new arrival must be dealt with in a teaching quiet demeanor. The older sibling is not always attuned to the benefits of having a sibling. At the moment the baby is seen as an intruder and a rival. If parents can discipline with kindness the child learns to gradually accept the new baby. If parents yell or constantly punish the older child, he or she resents the new baby.

As the new individual grows and is able to interact more with their sibling, the bonds develop. Now they have a companion in mischief. Parents must now be careful not to blame the older sibling for all of the wrongdoings even if they initiated most of the problems. Both children need to be admonished which will register fairness to the older sibling. Keeping the sibling relationship healthy is important. It also maintains a better rapport in the parent child relationship. As long as children understand they are not being replaced or losing the battle they will openly accept siblings.

There must never be the competition of who is the nicer child, more appealing or capable child or dependable child to mom and dad. Parents must attempt to hinder this attitude with other relatives. A simple reply of, “We don’t compare the kids,” is all that may be necessary. If children believe their sibling is to be blamed for their receiving less attention they will resent the new sibling. If the older sibling is always accused of making trouble, they will retaliate with anger and aggression.

Parents want to discipline their children and should. If you discipline with love especially when it comes to siblings, it allows you to maintain healthy relationships all around. Your children will support each other rather than compete. They will understand their parents love is unconditional and not based on their being more lovable or likable or smarter than their sibling or siblings. Arriving at this state of affairs brings greater harmony to the home and family as well as keeps feelings intact.

            Our attitude of fairness and restrictive competition ought to continue. Children need space to enjoy their own interests. They need the freedom to develop their true identities without the burden of parents’ wishes and desires. In so doing they develop skills of all kinds including empathy and love because they have been taught through their associations with parents and siblings. Rivalry has deceased from their home environment. Most likely it will appear outside of the home but they will have support to deal with those challenges.

            If parents nurture winning, they will foster competition and losers. If they foster life and love they will encourage empathy, empowerment and satisfaction in their children. Their kids will be more tempted to try new things because the pressure is off. If they fail at it they can move on to something else with their egos intact. The legacy we want to endow to our children is one of acceptance and love. They in turn will offer these attributes to others. We will have created strong individuals not easily pressured or controlled. The connectedness of love will be impossible to destroy.

All of us have experienced growing up in a variety of homes and situations. We may have to overcome dilemmas we experienced in those environments. We will most likely be parents one day and the enforcer of the guidelines. It will be up to us to choose wisely. If we are conflicted with the way our parents chose to raise us, then we have the opportunity to improve. We shouldn’t toss out blame or accusations at our parents, but we can improve our game. What an amazing world we will be creating for ourselves and our children and grandchildren. It really is something worth thinking about.   

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HOW COMPETITION SPONSORS DISTRUST

“Divide the fire and you will soon put it out.” Greek Proverb

The competition starts before we are even aware. We begin the competition from the day we are born. Parents actually set up the first rivalry. Babies are judged by who is longer or bigger at birth. It continues with when a baby walks talk’s train’s counts and manipulates articles. Parents may refuse to believe they are remotely in any race but the reality of the matter is from babyhood through adulthood we are programmed to compete.

               When we compete we set the stage for a winner and so there must be at least one or more losers. Has anyone proven that there are laurels in keeping down whole food at the youngest possible age? Does walking at ten months make one more special than walking at eighteen months? Is bigger better really? If we answer no but still discuss our child’s size then we are a hypocrite. Think for a minute. No one goes around saying my child is in the ten percent in height and weight. My child walked later than most children. Seriously, if we set parameters all the time, there will be those that surpass them and those that will simply fail. The question is if it is worth out time and effort.

               Jumping further into the future we struggle with school work and the best speakers, writers and math stars. If a child does poorly we begin stressing his or her sports ability. Suddenly we are giving up on school work and in the process brainwashing our child into believing they don’t have the ability to be successful in school. How detrimental it is to discover our realities manifesting due to our own making.

               The same is true of the scholar who is believed to be only good at school work. They come to believe they have no athletic capabilities. When this happens we are not allowing our children to be all that they can be and more. It boils down to competition. We forget the possibility with training the poor athlete may get better or the poor scholar may find his or her niche and discover the cure for a disease. This is not as crazy as it might seem. The crazy part believes we can peg any person into a certain whole and leave them there.

               Grandparents may help in this competition. They begin comparing grandchildren by saying this one will be great in school and this one will be getting an athletic scholarship. This sounds so silly. The children are perhaps toddlers. What happened to the goals of kindness and caring as well as empathy and selflessness? Maybe it is time to reflect on the altruistic attributes.  Children will display what we expect of them. If we expect our child to mess up in high school because that is what teens do then that is what our kids will do. They return to us what we believe. Don’t expect your son or daughter to party through college and just possibly they won’t.

               Parents pit their children against each other every time they compare them. One year in time may find one child with more strength or endurance while another is lacking. It is not necessary to point this out. It is also not necessary to push the child in need to be the same. It is okay to be different. We are not all the same but we all are important and unique. Forcing everyone to love music, dance, sports, book learning or anything else is foolish. Yes we all need to learn and become educated but we can’t force a love of math or science. We can’t force the stamina to work out for an athletic endeavor.

               Siblings can be close friends if parents allow them to simply be themselves. Love your children. That is the only requirement of parenthood that will make all the difference in the world. Others can and will influence your children along the way but at that point, given the firm foundation parents have created ought to maintain them and allow them to weather any questionable time in life. If siblings compete, their brother or sister becomes the enemy.

               Sometimes we might have the ability but not the interest to pursue certain athletic or educational goals.  Other times the timing is not yet right for us. Being a good person first is what we should be striving for. In the end we will find our way. The uttermost person at the top with the best idea cannot always make it happen without those working with him or her to attain the goal. Without all of us the finest thoughts can be laid to rest.

               After all of our growing years are over, the end result is an adult ready to face the struggles of the real world competition. It is sad to find people pitted against each other rather than working together. The fastest worker gets the raise. The best personality befriends the boss. The schmoozer secures his job. The book learned person keeps ahead of the masses. One wonders about the true identity of anyone. We may want to ask the real person to stand up.

               Our importance does not depend on our pushing someone beneath us. It depends on how many people we lift up as equals to us. The baby test needs to be rewritten or dumped altogether. It is time to help each other rather than hurt each other. Children shouldn’t have to begin life believing they are less than others. We need to love them as they are and have faith and belief in them. When anyone receives love they have the ability to bounce it back to others. The more love received, the more love bounced and spread around to others. It will leave us all with only one goal. The goal will be to manifest as much love as we can so that wherever we look we will find it.

“The secret of happiness is to admire without desiring.” F. H. Bradley

“When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.” Tuli Kupferberg

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HANDLING RESENTMENT

"Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organize your life around it." Brian Tracy

At times we believe jealousy is the furthest thing from our minds. The truth is it is always close by and waiting to pounce unexpectedly. We are content to hear of the problems of others. It can make us feel improved. It allows us to think of being contented. We are superior to the person whose problems we are listening to. We gain more support in difficult or unhappy times than when we are celebrating cheerful periods. It is curious but we feel better when another is hurting. We feel jealous when another is rejoicing. At first glance we deny this but on a second glance we face the reality of our thoughts.

              "Envy is a symptom of lack of appreciation of our own uniqueness and self-worth. Each of us has something to give that no one else has."  Elizabeth O'Connor 
In times of trouble people act diminished and less competitive. They give up the fight. That is when we are offering support and feel superior to their dilemma. When times are good for another, we feel beaten and act defeated. In truth we are not a winner or loser in either event. That is the secret. We are choosing our feelings about a given situation. We may feel more like a hero when we are giving help. Likewise we feel more defeated when we require aid. Most of us keep our issues to ourselves and manifest jealousy in response to another’s pleasure. They have what we would like. In our minds they don’t deserve it or they don’t warrant it any more than we do. We ask ourselves why they possess something we don’t have.

               Within this questioning process we feel sorry for ourselves, frustrated about our lot and angry with others we perceive as in a loftier position. We begin to perseverate on how they achieved what they exhibit, and how boastful they appear to be. In reality these people may not be arrogant at all. They may possess certain comforts but are not owned by their possessions. The judgments we project about any given situation is not necessarily the reality of it. Building something bigger than it actually is creates our feelings of jealousy. We attribute all kinds of bad concepts to the situation and people we are jealous about.

               To stop resentment we need to focus only on what is good and what is working in our lives. How much do we have is more important than how much is deficit. Striving for superficial happiness is at the root of some jealous moments. In reality this apparent pleasure may bring an insurmountable problem or work that may leave us defeated. Acquiring an object of desire comes with a price. The price can be higher than we thought and costlier than we wanted to pay. Appreciating what we have is important. If we stop our jealous tendencies, we may stop our low moods. Our lives will be more joyful and we will live in the moment.

               When one settles for something for the time being, wishing to always have something more, one is living in a future time based on a dream. This person is missing the present time completely to the point of destroying it through covetousness. The person cannot cope with what is so they only envy what they are lacking. It destroys self-esteem, energy, cooperation, love and happiness. Jealousy destroys the good time in the present by not allowing you to enjoy another’s friendship, property or talents. People and material items are not to be envied. Our lives are worth so much more. Happiness comes from within and needs to be celebrated from without. Enjoy every moment you have and cherish it because it is the treasure we strive for but never find as long as we fill our hearts and minds with jealous theories that leave no room for true satisfaction and meaning.

"A good criterion for measuring your success in life is the number of people you have made happy." Robert J. Lumsden

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The Victory In Relationships

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars." E.H.Chapin

"Character is the total of thousands of small daily strivings to live up to the best that is in us." Lt. Gen. Arthur Trudeau

Even having the best relationships with family, we still fight to maintain control of our thoughts and feelings. We all want to be number one and second place is never comfortable. I am working on making it satisfying. I remember as a young adult, visiting family at a wedding or gathering. I was always the one to be present  when a relative needed me or needed to talk. My siblings appeared randomly yet they were sought after first. It was hurtful to miss out on the talks because my siblings overshadowed me. They got the attention and big hugs and kisses and the plans to get together. In the meantime I was basically out in the cold and unnoticed. At the next function of course I would be the only attendee and the relatives were glad to see me. Surfice it to say I never received  the attention my siblings received whenever their prescence was made. I understood logically why  they were welcomed so much because they were missed at most of the other get togethers. Like the prodigal son everyone was happy at their momentary return. As much as all of us get the idea of it we still anger inside at our quick displacement. It occurred to me how many times we all do this to each other. We owe a tremendous amount of gratitude  to others yet we disregard the simple things and mundane tasks we receive from them often enough. The excitement of the new arrival makes us disregard the silent dependable person that we easily relegated to the background without any thought. I have been at both ends of it and see some reasons and some dilemmas with it.

We're looking for acknowledgement of who we are from others. We define ourselves through others. We want the quick stamp of approval and yearn to be part of that persons life or group. Because of our own insecurities we must be accepted by others in order to feel worthy. Being so caught up in this leaves us little time to reflect on the many things we should be grateful for and also the many things we take for granted. Again it leaves us all with the notion of focusing on the positive. We are worthy. We are unique. We are defined by what we do for those of us we don't have to do for. We are defined by reaching out to those of us who can't pay us back. It comes back to me that I am striving to accept what I cannot change. Therefore if I am relegated to second or third place in any or all relationships, I must attempt to deal with that. Those that I love have my unconditional love. That means they don't have to earn it. They don't have to indulge or please me. They can hurt my feelings and I will forgive them and continue to love them with my whole heart. It's not about me and my feelings. It's about my unconditional love for them. Do I fall short, yes. Do I come back  for more, yes. Is it woth the effort, yes. Am I improving, yes. Our lives on earth are about learning how to love truly love unconditionally. When we get it and learn it we come to realize everyone is our family. What a wonderful world we would  have or create if that could become a reality.

"Not in the clamor of the crowded street, nor in the shouts or plaudits of the throng, but in ourselves are triumph and defeat."

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Break The Chains Of Worry And Live Laugh And Love

"When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that blow that did it but  all that had gone before." Jacob Riis
"Life is made of memorable moments. We must teach ourselves to really live...to love the journey not the destination." Ann Quindlen


I think there could be and maybe should be many posts about fear because it consumes a huge part of our lives. We all fear so many things that they are too numerous to count. Let's talk today about fear of our meetings with the relatives. We want the right look, the right words, and to project the right meaning. We worry if our gift is appropriate. We worry about the meaning of the gifts we receive. We fear an other's remarks or jokes or slights. We tense at an other's body language and question an other's mood. Can anyone see  a problem here? We are not in the moment. We  are obviously not enjoying ourselves. We are almost being selfish in a sense because we are so caught up in the relationship another person has with us that we actually miss the reality around us. To question everyone and everything is a distrust. Fear is a distrust no matter what the object or person. If we feel and are enjoying the present then there should be no room for fear. Judgement goes hand in hand with fear.

If everyone chose not to judge another then we might possibly live without our fears. If one thinks they are being judged, fear rises to the surface. Likewise, if we are judgemental, then we most likely expect that others are rating us in some way. Getting  rid of judgements may get rid of our fears. So what if we look older, plumper, poorer, richer, angrier, incompetent, crazy, lost and a zillion other negative attributes. Reflect for a moment. We feel this because we believe others see us like that or will tag us with judgements that we have no control over. If all of us made a pact to stop our judgements of others we could stop fears. That  means that those of us who like to spread gossip and listen to gossip would have to stop and let it go. It's detrimental to the person we are talking about and more detrimental to ourselves.

It's not easy but people might be more relaxed and enjoy those get togetherness more often if they felt no one noticed their extra pounds, extra wrinkles, last year's clothes, gorgeous jewelry, (yes we criticize those with more money) louder voice due to our  frustrations, craziness due to our burdens and tremendous work load, and repetition from our temporary or permanent taxing life of indecision's. We could be ourselves at all times. We would not have to act differently with anyone or at anyplace. maybe some solutions might even come  through for us or by us for another because things would be out in the open and no one would fault us. It is the perfect world of course but if we all attempted a tiny bit, we would be a tiny bit closer to an awesome new world.


"Action conquers fear." Pete Zarlenga

"Each of us will one day be judged by our standard of life, not by our standard of living; by our measure of giving, not by our measure of wealth; by our simple goodness, not by our seeming greatness."  William A. Ward 

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How to stop jealousy and heal pain

"Shallow men believe in luck Strong men believe in cause and effect." Ralph Waldo Emerson


Everyone might register a trace of jealousy. Even though it might always be present, we can keep it under restraint. All of us struggle to balance our lives. We can presume that on the surface others have life easier. But all of us struggle. Some hard the labor of their lives better than others and some complain less. the grind is enduring for all. Supporting each other as well as managing the jealous tendency's, can make life so much easier. praise and gratefulness go a long  way in healing pain, frustration and envy. praising another actually releases our envy. It can evaporate our insecurities and allow us to see  the good qualities in another without making ourselves feel diminished. Our talents are real we need to recognize them. We don't need to be someone else or live in an other's shoes. When we break down the walls we create for ourselves  we allow ourselves permission to like and love others as well as accepting their love.

"Happiness is not a when or a where; it can be a here and now. But until you are happy with who you are you will never be happy because of what you have." Zig Ziglar

"Caring about others, running the risk of feeling and leaving an impact on people, brings happiness." Rabbi Harold Kushner

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Steps That Light The Right Road

"We can grow by our questions as well as by our answers."
"Our words are seeds planted in other people's lives." John Mason

Hi
Stop to reflect how we at times set up our  own competition. If we begin boasting about our accomplishments or  those of our children we set the wheel in motion. It may not be our siblings or mother or mother-in-law that begins the game. Simple factual information is more appreciated and  recognized than an onslaught of The boss praised me the other day for ............. If we have been refraining from competition then you may just get a few compliments. If you don't receive any attention then I would ponder the sadness of anothers life at that moment that they cannot ring themselves to praise you due to their position in life at the moment. If we have nothing to give, how sad is that. Feel sorry for them instead of jealous. If your the one never finding it in your heart to compliment another think about when it is your turn for honor why others are not as enthusiastic. It takes a very big person to praise and honor another regardless of what is going on in their own lives. It is easy to be happy for another when we think we are better than they are. It takes dignity and a sense of self-worth to praise others even when our own lives may be falling apart. When a person comments about how large their child is or how tall, it makes me wonder if I  missed something. Is tall better than short or is large better than small? Are blue eyes better than brown or dark hair better than light? Where do these notions come from? I think maybe I should think about how many times I have compared and thus started a competition and I didn't even think  about it.

"It requires less character to discover the fault of others than to tolerate them."J. Petit Senn

"Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us." Thomas Paine

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Sowing The Seeds For Success

"Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it comes and softly sits on your shoulder." Nathaniel Hawthorne

During some recent difficult days, I had a lot of time to think and reflect. I realized that as the saying goes, stop to smell the roses, is undoubtedly true. When we are forced to stop for a moment our greatest reflections come to the forefront of our minds and remind us just what it is we are doing with our lives. Do we spend it being jealous or envious of others? Do we spend it attempting to get even for the wrongs another did to us? Do we spend it making money or fame? None of these things make us happy. Revenge will leave us empty and disgusted with ourselves. Fame and fortune will find us friends who will leave us as quickly as they came. Happiness is inner and comes  from the contentment of our own lives. We really need to dwell  on the positive things in our lives. To do this we must slow down and "Smell the coffee or the flowers" It might just change our focus towards something that is more worthwhile or inspiring. As the saying goes if you are handed lemons make lemon juice. See those around you  as innocent. View any comments or actions as unintentional. It brings peace of mind and allows the potentially guilty party to possibly reflect on their comments or actions and regret and have a change of heart. Either way our mind and  body are at peace.

            I knew one MIL and DIL who were having trouble communicating. Exasperated one day the MIL said to me how frustrating it was to discuss anything with her DIL. She mentioned the many times she asked her DIL to lunch but was always shot down with a negative reply and excusse. She felt hated by her DIL and began avoiding her. I happened to run across the DIL one day and asked how her MIL was faring. She immediately and sheepishly replied she hadn't seen much of her lately. Because she appeared to be saddened rather than happy or angry I pursued to question her why that was so. She stated how she enjoyed her MIL's company but that her own mother resented any time she spent with her MIL. This caused her to feel guilty every time she enjoyed her MIL's company. I gently encouraged her to maintain a relationship with her MIL. It was healthy and in no way diminished her reltionship with her own mother. I told her how wonderful were the moments I spent with my own DIL's. Her face sort of lit up and she resolved to think about what I had said. I'm not sure how it all worked out but I am sure of how we manage to influence others in a negative rather than a positive way.

"In your hands you hold the seeds of failure or the potential for greatness. Your hands are capable but they must be used and for the right things to reap the rewards you are capable of attaining. The choice is yours." Zig Ziglar

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The Most Important Step You Can Take

Hi
 I began this mother=in-law daughter-in-law investigation years ago and have continued my research. It was amazing to find the issues are the same for every generation. One item that keeps cropping up is communication and interpretation. We all have a dilemma with those. We miscommunicate to others and or misinterpretate what others say to us. MIL's and DIL's do this to each other. With some people we easily work it out but with in-laws we get nervous and shy away. MIL's must step back and realize the playing field has changed. To continue the relationship with their son and his family, she must not interfere with advice. What she thinks is helpful hints may be interpreted by her DIL as interference. The DIL's must understand that for many years MIL was her son's consultant and he trusts her. MIL needs time to accept the changes and DIL should refrain from any judgments for a short while. DIL is privy to the families problems but without the long history of love intertwined.  Time gives the DIL more confidence and the MIL more patience and self-control. Shutting each other out immediately will deprive both women of a multitude of love and support  in the years to come. The women have so much more in common than the realize.

My reflection for Mothers-in-law is, Pay to have certain jobs done if you can afford the money. It will save your son and daughter-in-law aggravation and an abundance of time. Appreciate any jobs they do for you.
My DIL reflection, Appreciate your mother-in-law's busy life when she declines to babysit, and appreciate her even more  when she does babysit.

"The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." William James

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Have CourageTo Stop, Sit, And Listen

"Reputation is what others think about you; character is what God knows about you. Adrian Rogers

Independence can mean different things to a variety of people. This liberty is vital and necessary. Regarding the MIL and DIL it allows one to accept help when one needs it and to refuse it when a person doesn't want aid. We all have capacities and talents. If we trust ourselves and have confidence, we recognize at times, the need to acquiesce to another so as not to decimate their independence. Even if certain ideas are more appealing or are proven to be better, silence may be our best ally. We can't push our ways onto another. We can be right and we can be wrong because we are independent of another. Security and confidence produces a kindness sprinkled with patience. We have nothing to prove. When we have the need to make a point or win an argument we are less confident full of anxiety due to our inner feelings of inadequacies. It doesn't mean we are lacking at all. It does exhibit a need for inner contemplation and a sense of questioning why we feel inferior. Being wrong is a learning experience and diminishes us in no way. Being right engages a moment of praise and nothing beyond. Pride can be more destructive in the long term than failure is in the short term. It may take courage to speak against the crowd but it really does take more courage to keep ourselves quiet and to listen. Tomorrow  is another day with more opportunities to show what we are. Reputation is others' opinion of you. God knows what we truly are. What do you think is more important?

"Not in the clamor of the crowded street, not in the shouts and plaudits of the throng, but in ourselves are triumph and defeat." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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Sagging Self-Esteem

Never use love as a tool of manipulation. A young man willing to please his  wife may unwittingly hurt his  mother. The same young man who has always consulted and trusted his mother's input may incense his wife who perceives his decision as disloyal to her. Again MIL needs to back off and DIL need to chill. There needn't  be jealousy between these two  important people. Both have a permanent place in his heart. One is a part of his past family and the other a part of his present family. Both can be a part of the future family.

"Does your self- esteem ever drag? Remember what you are worth." Max Lucado

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