Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts

Monday, March 11, 2013

If You Downplay Expectations, You Decrease Stress


It is a mystery why we expect so much of ourselves. It is awesome to have lofty goals but when we expect to accomplish more than what even two people are capable of accomplishing, it is time to release some of the burden. Our own goals are so much higher than any expectations others have for us. The trouble is we fault ourselves when we fail to meet all of our challenges. We also run the risk of becoming so defeated that we give up and stop any attempts to achieve any goals.  

               We are our own worst enemy. It is time to settle down and accomplish what we can accomplish and let go of what is impossible to do. It is always commendable to work for the highest goal but if we fall short of it we need to promise that we won’t punish ourselves with Self-reproach. Guilt is a great reducer of energy, and self-esteem. Other people in our lives suppose we can solve dilemmas. Our children expect us to endlessly help them and to do it with a smile. It might even be at the loss of our own free time. Parents wait for us to take care of some of their difficulties. Sometimes the timing is all wrong but of course aging parents do not always take that as a good excuse.  Elderly parents have more time on their hands to think about their difficulties and tasks that require attendance. The problem is we are the ones that must pay attention to such complications.

               If we are aware of how much attention we place on the troubles of other people we realize that just maybe we are not so bad. We care about helping others who are struggling. We place the needs of our family and extended family before our own. We are good people. It is not the end of the world to put off a task that appears to be too much for us to handle at the moment. If we approach that same task when we are spilling over with more enthusiasm, we will manage to get it accomplished in record speed. Performing our duties when we are too tired to take them on is asking for trouble. In the end we will use up the little energy we have and most likely perform a shoddy job because we are tired and our heart and mind are not attuned to the task.

               Many times work places pressures on us to accomplish work that may be impossible to complete in the given timeframe. People in charge have no idea the amount of time a particular task might take to complete. Their goal is to badger us into working beyond our time to finish the task as fast as we can. They are happy the task got done while we feel defeated because we didn’t finish in the time allotted. We probably completed the job in record time. We are unaware of this fact so it overshadows our pride in our performance. Again we are stressed and depressed as well as of the opinion we did not meet expectations.

               The more we focus on how little we think we are accomplishing, the less we get done. It is truly up to us to b become aware of our work ethic and be more reasonable with ourselves. We can have a bad, sick or mental health day. If we must put something or someone off until a time in the future so be it. The more we take our duties in stride the more confidence we will have in our abilities and the less scattered we will be.

               The burden of never being good enough can drive a person into a health risk. We can believe we are too stupid to accomplish what is required. Our thoughts turn to if only I were smarter or more educated or had more money or a different job. If we don’t change our attitude then it really doesn’t matter if we are brighter, more educated, and richer or had a better job. The outcome is the same. Changing our attitude along with our expectations allows us more freedom and fewer burdens. If we lose our health, we can’t do anything for anyone. Our goal needs to be to help others yes but within parameters. Expect to do and give our best but have guidelines. Let negative comments from others roll off of our shoulders. Keep our goal in site but rest when we must. Become the boss of ourselves. Give but measure the amount we are capable of giving at any given moment. Throw guilt out the window and never ever doubt yourself. Trust yourself and your inner feelings. In the end you will achieve fulfillment for yourself and others.  

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Friday, January 11, 2013

INFURIATING PEOPLE

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction. Peace cannot be kept by force, it can only be achieved by understanding." Albert Einstein

Being  an observer, I noticed how many of us get fired up about things that are aggravating or upsetting. We tend to dwell on those issues that anger us. The more we think about it and ponder it and discuss it, the stronger the fire gets. It makes us want to correct the problem or so we think. So we lash out at the object of our perceived frustration throwing all of our fire at them. Then we watch them burn to ashes as we walk away. On our way back to sanity we convince ourselves or try to convince ourselves that they deserved it, made us do it. we were in our right to retaliate.

Have you ever noticed that after our storm, we have an uneasiness in our system that won't go away? We review all the things the person did to us in order to justify in our minds that we were correct in our angry actions. We even begin to talk about the person and the incident with others so that we can garner up support groups that agree with us. In the end it doesn't work and the uneasiness won't go away so we confront the object of our anger again because now we blame them for the uncomfortable feelings we are experiencing. It's their fault we got so angry. It's all their blame in the first place. Our actions now color our mood which isn't the happiest. We snap a quick retort at other innocent people.We feel tired and drained, and begin to have a cold or illness coming on. Sleep is restless and the anger and resentment towards our person of hatred increases.

 Does this sound familiar? We have all been in that place at one time or another. Viewing it from a far away place, and a far away time makes us realize it gained us nothing, and cost us a lot of damage to our own bodies. We caused misery for the person we retaliated against. One is left with a smoldering fire that simply won't be distinguished. It almost consumes one's thoughts. I had to ask myself if there was a better way I might have handled the whole situation and anger issue. I talked myself through a different scenario. If I had placed even 10% of the blame on myself, sat down and honestly spoke my feelings clearly and concisely, asked for feedback or a response to my efforts, would it have made a difference? Maybe the person that hurt me was having some deep rooted questions themselves, or going through a difficult time in their lives, or fearful of something that wasn't there. I didn't  stop to think their carelessness or thoughtlessness might not have had as much to do with me as it had to do with their own fears.

One moment of stepping back,  reflecting before reacting, compassion before retribution might have saved both of us a multitude of heartache. None  of us in honesty, is  without some blame. We should  never let a small smoldering fire inside of us, increase to the point of no return. In the end it not only consumes our agitator but also us. If I had simply put out the fire with talk, understanding, acceptance and tolerance, I would not have spent so many sleepless nights of anger and  worry. I would not have had an angry attitude towards everyone I met. Instead I could venture to  say my light of happiness would have burned instead and burned brightly without any pain to myself or others. Even when another does not respond to our overtures of reconciliation, we can keep trying and thus keep peace within ourselves. Keep our own light burning instead of turning it into a blaze that in the end destroys us.
"He who angers you conquers you." Elizabeth Kenny Australian Nurse
"There are two  ways of exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up." Booker T. Washington
"The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none." Thomas Carlyle

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Tuesday, December 18, 2012

OUR UNIQUENESS DISTINGUISHES OUR IMPACT

"One learns people through the heart, not the eyes or the intellect." Mark Twain


It might sound absurd but most of us hide behind smiles and words. Out of fear most likely or a lack of trust, we keep our true identities hidden. It seems sad that so many of us either don't think another would like us if they knew "what we were really like," or "how we were really feeling." Relationships would be deeper if we could get beyond our doubts and fears. That also means all of us need to stop judging others so that they may feel more secure in releasing their genuine feelings. Strong emotions bring out confusion. We ;might be unsure about what we should do. Others know this and most likely that is why most of our emotions are hidden. We present the smile and expected words of camaraderie. Inside the person may be feeling sad, tortured, sick, depleted, scared, unsure, and afraid to release these thoughts even to close relatives. What have we become? All of us have a wide range of thoughts  and emotions and an even wider range of fears. We leave the party intact along with everyone else and go home feeling alone in our depressing thoughts even more so because everyone else appeared to have a great time. Surprise! Most people at the gathering assumed you were having a great time even though  they were not. If we didn't judge, then we could all let our  hair down. The most even tempered, together person, at times feels lost. We are human. We all have doubts and fears especially because we are making choices every day and facing problems to solve every day. Our decisions don't  always fly well with others yet we know they are the right choices to make. Life is full of doubt fear and pain. Let's turn it around and realize we are triumphant in treading down the difficult path.

It's difficult to accept and deal with challenges and getting older,  It's hard to accept responsibility and blame  and children moving on from our homes. Job loss and diseases and sicknesses and loss are challenging to face. It's okay to acknowledge in our hearts that we may not be as happy as our smile indicates. It's also  okay to enjoy the happy moments that come our way. It does not in any way diminish our feelings about personal issues. It should be okay to mention we are not in top form and at times sad or scared or angry or unhappy. It's like releasing it to the universe and accepting any positive feedback that results from this release. Others may understand us more than we think. We hide but not really. Some things are just mute but understood. We can't be afraid to take off the covers of our true self and we can't be so judgemental that we prevent others and ourselves from doing it. Then when we smile it will be real. We may also smile more because it really is okay to have a whole range of feelings inside of us going through us at the same time. It's okay to be human.

"We only know of one duty and that is to love." Albert Camus

"To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded." Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Guilt's Power Is Stress Producing

Every day, when you wake up, think about all the wonderful things you should be thankful for. I am as guilty as anyone for finding issues that annoy me. I lose my patience too many times due to silly little things. After reflecting on this I realized I have so much happiness in my life. It occurred to me that it was time to dwell on the positive and let the negative flow out of the mind. In the scheme of things, most of the irritating issues are minor. People are major. If I alienate people I create added stress and anxiety to my life.  The next day I regret any harsh words I spoke. Of course I can’t explain why I spoke them. We all have such situations. Irritations build up as well as obligations. Our minds have trouble keeping everything straight. When some random or not so random person places the last straw on our backs we explode. This can be a mild explosion but if it creates disharmony, it is sad. Most of us want to get along but find it difficult when we are burdened with all of the pressures of life. We may at times believe we are carrying most of the load at home and or at work. We might also feel we are keeping friendships going and working hard for our families with little return. All I can say is that there really is return in the knowledge that you have been doing a successfully great job nurturing and caring for the family. We start in pre-school and end up passing high school and maybe college. We wonder at how we got there. It’s the same with life. When we work hard at something in the end the finished product makes us smile. The important thing is to know what is important and quit judging the items that don’t really matter. Relax and get along. Life is easier, more comforting and filled with more people who care and support you. As they say live love laugh and I say forgive and definitely forget. Count your blessings.

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Mark Twain

“Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” Oliver Goldsmith

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