How many times have we began a discussion with someone and ended
up in an angry confrontation, or worse, an escalated battle. It happens.
Especially when we are tired or simply overburdened, we tend to allow
heightened sensitivities to overcome our thought processes. We may want to
straighten out a disagreement or confront another about a sticky situation. Even if we have set the time and place, we
still must reflect on what we want to accomplish in this planned argument. We
are fooling ourselves by thinking we are trying to resolve the conflict, when
we are totally attempting to make our own arguments and win the battle.
We might
have pondered the conflict privately but determined we were not to be blamed.
Having our facts ready to toss out and our opinions set, we basically are
planning our attack. It is an attack because we are not thinking of
compromising or seeing another’s point of view. We are thinking about our own
purposes and are preparing for battle. This onslaught sends our opponent reeling.
They are on the defensive and dig in their heels and fire off their own facts.
The conflict immediately escalates and both sides are out of control. Both
parties walk away feeling the other person was unreasonable. We blame them for
the continued discord. It is difficult to accept any wrongdoing on our own
part. We see another’s faults but rarely view our own. We defend our line of
reasoning and shoot down the opponents arguments. How stubborn they appear to
be.
It is so
difficult to accept any blame. It is so difficult to admit we are not
completely or even remotely correct in our thinking. We are angry and anger
takes over. Questioning our anger is the first thing we need to do. By
reflecting on why we are so angry at this person and why we must prove them at
fault is important in the healing process. To get over this dispute requires
thinking, empathy and giving in to a break-down of predisposed ideas we have
created. By contemplating we come to realize the other person has some good
arguments and main points. By empathizing we enter into an understanding of
their feelings and emotional state of mind. By breaking down the barriers we
have created we make room for accommodating their new approaches.
Exhibiting anger never solves any
problem. Anger never encourages an opponent to accept our viewpoint. Sometimes
we must allow another to do something in their own way even if we believe they
are heading for failure. If one learns from mistakes, it is not failure. In the
end we might be pleasantly surprised to find out we were wrong. In order to keep
peace, both parties must co-operate and learn how to agree to disagree. It can
be simple. We don’t have to choose to make things more difficult. If we want a
relationship with this person, we need to allow them to have their own
opinions.
Our experiences are different. We
bring different schematic to our lives from our childhoods through adulthood. Our
tolerance levels are different as well as our personalities. What is unbearable
for one person is more than tolerable for another. Our likes, opinions, ideals
and goals reflect our own being. Our life lessons are varied and attuned to our
being. We can only live our own life, and choose for ourselves. To make peace
with anyone else we must respect them and their opinions. Stepping down from
our thrones permits us to allow others not only to be wrong but also to be
right. In the end what we want is connection and communication. We want a
relationship that is intact. To have this requires respect and acceptance. Keep
anger from clouding judgment.
Anger at times is the result of
loss of control. Another is challenging our viewpoints or our status. We feel
threatened and retaliate. Fury can be jealousy because the object we desire is
sharing themselves with others. Rage can be due to changes we are not ready to
accept. Anger is a loss of power and influence. Anger can be our own lack of
confidence in our ability to be ourselves. When we fear change we get angry. Those
we love the most are the ones who anger us the most. We need this other person
in order for us to somehow define ourselves. Many times we are dealing with our
own inner issues and our uncertainty evolves into a frustration and anger that
turns from inward damage to outward destruction. Resolve to solve your inner
conflict before it consumes you and spreads outside of yourself. We always have
power over ourselves and can always control our own anger if we choose.
It is
okay to let go, whether we are wrong or right. It is admirable to lose an
argument, even when we know we are correct. It is alright to display our
inadequacies. It is fine to follow once in a while because we don’t always have
to lead. It is okay to love someone even from afar because love is free and
without barriers. We must remember that by sharing love we have expanded it. We
enjoy more support and increased freedom. Love will never be contained and
shouldn’t be restricted. It is a better world to spread love than to disperse
anger. That will always be a choice.
