Is Technology Destroying Our Humanity?

At one time children were taught to use various modes of speech in any given circumstance. When in the presence of parents, they might use one form while at school another form. When outside with friends, children could break down the barriers and say just about whatever they wanted. The formal speech was used for those in authority, while the respectful courtesy speech might be used with strangers. Today we have no filters used for anyone at any place or situation we find ourselves in. The result is an insensitivity regarding our fellow human beings. It has also resulted in fostering anger, frustration aggression and hurt feelings which diminish self-esteem. Quick replies via technology of all sorts are the current mode of speech. How technology is destroying humanity should be contemplated. It is time for us to control technology rather than technology controlling us.

We leave our house feeling happy. We get into our car and drive to the highway and are met with eradicate drivers who immediately proceed to cut us off and honk their horns in the process. Some are on the phone and others regardless of rules are texting. Our smile decreases slightly. When we arrive at our place of employment, we spot a parking place but we are aware of another driver speeding towards the same parking space. We slow down and turn our car into the further space and think to ourselves the walk will do us some good. We are still happy but tense and alert. As we step out of our car to walk the distance to the entrance, a loud blast from a horn startles us to the core and we feel our heart racing. Our head turns in time to see the angry face of the driver who is sporting ear plugs. The driver shouts out the angry words, “That’s how stupid people get killed.”

               We are not happy anymore. The tension and aggressive mode seeps through our body. We have a meeting in fifteen minutes and we are not looking forward to it. We enter our workplace and are met with the secretary’s quick mechanical good morning as she busily taps on the computer.  Our first thought is to ignore her hello. We begin to retort a reply when we observe her texting.  We continue on our way and feel our whole body tightening. Gathering our materials we realize we are late for the meeting. Upon entering the room, a co-worker slaps down some material in front of us and simply says in a commanding voice, “page eleven.”  Now we slouch into our chair a bit lower.

               The boss looks over at us and comments, “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.” We think to ourselves how old am.  He shouldn’t talk to me like that. We can’t help the warm feeling spreading across our face. At lunch our co-workers laugh as they discuss a fellow worker in a derogatory manner. We smile to get along but secretly think that could be us they are talking about. We leave the lunch room and a companion demands we hold the door because their hands are full. We feel embarrassed we didn’t notice but we wish they had just asked rather than demanded. Creeping back to our workplace we check the time and frown because little time has passed. It is going to be another long day.

               After work we stop at the food store to pick up a few things. At the grocery line we get bumped in the back of the leg. It wasn’t a painful bump but we are surprised the person said nothing.  We turn around and see that the person, who bumped us, is on the phone laughing. They glance at us and quickly say, “Sorry”. The person at the register states what money we owe without even a glance. We begin to say thank you for the change but they have already started to ring up the next person.

               When we get home we are greeted with a nasty response from our child who is busy texting friends, and a superficial response from our husband who is busy on the lap top. The phone rings and it is the bank.  We needed information about changing an account. The person on the other end of the line gives us a spiel. When we question the person they snap a curt response and end by telling us to call another number if we still have questions. They finish with an exasperating reply for us to have a good day and they hang up the phone. Now we wonder if it is us or if the world is crazy.

               Children used to respect their parents and their tone and words reflected this. People used to respect each other and their demeanor and speech expressed this. Many people are now running on the ever spinning treadmill. They are too tired to exhibit the niceties of kindness and empathy.  Being well-mannered is not so much taught as understood. When we are aware of others and have a regard for others, we exhibit a concern and respect for them. If we continue to fill our lives with things that don’t count and don’t have any significance, then we leave little time left for the things that really do have importance. We don’t have to worry about inventing robots to do our bidding. We are becoming like robots.  We are techno savvy at the expense of inner qualities of virtue and morality.

Happiness and kindness are dissipating. Anger frustration and aggression are increasing. All we have to do is observe what is around us. Nobody holds back their thoughts even if they are harsh and cruel. We are aware of the mechanisms of our many devices, yet less and less aware of the workings of the human spirit. The person we are aware of is the one at the end of our technology device.  The live person in front of us is of no consequence. If we had a choice of humane qualities or accelerated technology, which would we choose. Most people would likely choose the technology. That is why we are now living in the kind of world we live in. The thought for today is to start reflecting on the loss of empathy and the loss of our connections to other human beings.  

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Toss Negative Effort And Save Positive Time

 “A moment’s insight is sometimes worth a life’s experience.” Oliver Wendell Holmes

“Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding.” Albert Einstein

We have such busy lives and busy schedules that we spend very little time thinking before we speak. This of course causes many problems big and small. Our lack of contemplation before uttering words effectively concludes with what I call clean-up. We wind up fixing an assortment of confusion we have made because of our carelessness.

               It takes less time to listen intently when someone voices ideas, opinions, suggestions, criticisms, hurts, feelings or complaints, than to have to chase after the person and have them restate their issue. This is true in every situation involving a verbal interaction. Most of us have our minds set on other things we must do or want to do. Our intellect is just not focused on what the other person is revealing to us. Then we wonder later why we don’t have a clue about what transpired during our interaction with them.

               When husbands and wives are quarreling, it is essential for them to give their full attention to each other. In the end it saves time rather than diminishing  time. Total involvement with the problem at hand, allows us to give our complete ability and effort to work things out. Actually, dealing with one problem or issue at a time is better than contemplating an array of issues. Our mind is clearer and able to focus much better. Our intellect is not cluttered with an abundance of burdens. By listening, a husband and wife will not miss the positive and inviting words of compromise or praise. When we are surface listening we are keying in on the negative words such as ‘you always’, ‘you never’, ‘your fault’, ‘remember when’ and ‘I’ve had it’.

               Most of us have the attitude that I just don’t have time for this. In reality it is the most important thing we ought to make time for. In the end if our problems get resolved quickly, life flows smoothly in other areas. When problems continue to fester and loom on the horizon, other areas of our lives are full of negativity. In any relationship in crises, find the time to reflect and reason with the other person. By making time for the discussion, we are respecting the relationship we have with this other person. If we don’t make time for another, we are patronizing the person’s self-esteem and degrading their relationship with us. Now we have more to contend with.  The most natural result is we are at the receiving end of some pain the other individual sends back to us in retaliation. Reflecting on this for a moment allows us to understand why our differences would escalate from a battle to a war.

               Sometimes difficulties are easy to deal with when we make the time and focused effort. Even when there are more challenging issues, complete exertion and attention to the immediate problem will solve the difficulty a lot faster. Feelings are less apt to get injured because we are sticking with the issues rather than accusing the individual randomly.

Timing is not always perfect but personal problems should be considered an emergency.  In this way they will be dealt with a lot faster. The result will be less confrontation, shorter fighter, less personal attacks, and more intact people when the disagreement is over. Nobody has lost face, lost their self-respect, or been diminished by the episode. In the future the persons involved will be able to deal with disagreements in a shorter period of time. What we need to remember is to pay attention to the other person and consider them worthy enough for us to listen and argue attentively.

“It requires less character to discover the fault of others than to tolerate them.”  J. Petit Sen

DEVELOP CONFIDENCE DISCARD FEAR

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

 Many times we allow others to dictate the rules and pass judgment on us. Of course at work our superiors do it all the time. The problem is bosses are not always correct in their conclusions of our work or behavior. Why one boss finds our work very good while another condemns it is frustrating.  It is because like everything else, it is subjective. My idea about how to go about building something will most likely differ from your ideas about a structure.  The person who gets to dictate is the person with more power.  This does not mean they really have a better plan. It simply means they have the control over the rules. When one dictates the procedures, one also dictates the desired result. Even if we follow someone else’s guidelines, there is no guarantee of the outcome. The only guarantee is that we will take the blame if we are not successful. The truth is many people are diminished and insecure because others fault them at work or in any group project or situation. The result is devastating to the person blamed, who begins feeling inadequate about everything they attempt.

                We might think about the child on a sports team who is rarely played, so his job is to warm the bench. He loses precious time to improve his ball skills while the players who get more field time advance impressively. What happens is the athletes playing regularly build their confidence while those players who frequently sit out most of the game, build their self-doubt. At times this can carry over into other areas of their lives. Adults who have trouble getting along with the boss are in the same situation. They can’t seem to get it right or improve whatever their boss is recommending. It would occur to any thinking person that it is not deliberate and the person is attempting to please their boss. After all they don’t want to lose their job. Curiously the insecure person doesn’t know how to get off of the damaging path they are treading.

The person becomes subordinate, has self-doubt and low self-esteem. These feelings add to his or her dilemma. What this person might have attempted before their insecurity fills them with fear. They are already under scrutiny and can’t afford to make any mistakes. They begin doing everything by the rule book without any thoughts of good or bad. In the end they fail totally because the odds have been successfully stacked against them. The sorry part is that they are now diminished as a person and innately feel like a failure. They have lost their self-confidence and desire to try anything new. It carries into all areas of their lives and we now see a depressed person.

At one time this person was relevant and viable and had some self-worth. They felt competent at making decisions. The point is they are still the same person. They simply allowed themselves to be defined as a person, by somebody else. This definition is far removed from who they really are and what they truly are capable of doing. They need to understand this or they will dive into a full blown depression. It is amazing the power one can wield over another without permission. It is astounding that people would hurt another so deeply without a care. If a boss is upset with someone’s work, they might simply get a mentor to intervene. They also might help the person with suggestions in a kind manner. Firing someone or ripping them apart is loathsome. There are other ways to deal with a person that would yield better results, keep their confidence intact and aid the workplace in the process.

Our attitudes, looks, age and personalities unfortunately enter into decisions others make about us. We may not be able to control these matters. What we can control and must control are our own beliefs. Our character is known to us and a higher being. Just because another person ranked higher in the job sphere does not mean they can dictate who or what we are. We must believe in ourselves and our abilities and leave no room for doubt. Having confidence and feeling adequate does not mean we can’t accept criticism and input from others. Even the boss has crossed the line if we feel subordinate, stupid, incapable and immobilized. It really is our choice to refrain from believing this defines us. We are so much more than that. We are so much more than others even know about us. We might have to learn new things but we are capable of learning. Given the correct tools advice and help, we can accomplish much.

If we are uncomfortable in a work situation, we might think about switching areas within a company, switching hours or teams or attempting to find employment elsewhere. We always have choices. We should never feel boxed in. When we believe we have no alternatives, that is the time  we shut down. We might have to look around and search for our answers elsewhere. We might team up with another worker. We should be comfortable asking others for help or we might take a refresher course. What we cannot do is lose our value in our own eyes. All the wonderful things we do, can do and will do are lost if we give up on our-self. One person or one group’s interpretation of what we are is ludicrous. Step back and put the whole scene into focus. Sometimes change is good and might be the right thing to do. We can’t be afraid to step out into the unknown and take the chance. If we reflected we might realize things would not be any worse and they might just be better. Build your self-confidence and trust your own delineation of who you are.

"Don't be afraid to take a big step if needed. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps." Anonymous

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." Dr. Martin Luther King

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IDENTIFYING HEROES

“Friendship is the only cement that will hold the world together.”

I wonder how many people admire rule breakers, or are inspired by them. At times we perceive them as courageous. The truth is they are seekers of a moment of fame. Recognizing what fame is helps us to understand who deserves it. There will never be any mention of those people who deserve a bit of fame for taking care of their neighbors. Such people watch out for them when the wife is left alone when her husband is on a business trip. Kindness is when an older woman is left widowed and has a house to shovel out or a yard to clean. Kindness is when a neighbor gets a prescription for a sick neighbor. These people are not all friends; they just care about a fellow human being. That is altruistic. They are not looking for anything in return nor do they expect anything in return.

These people who get up every day and go to work for the sake of the family are the famous people. These are the ones media should be focusing on. They make the difference in people’s lives. How many people volunteer time and commitment to others? This goes unnoticed. What we read about,in newspapers and on radios is what is sensationalized. what make headlines and what gets a person on television is being a rule breaker. The person who allows their child to talk back to a teacher because they got their feelings hurt will be all over the news. The person who allowed their child to hold onto the wheel of the car even though the child was underage will be front headlines. The people who kill others because of a job loss or broken heart will have their story printed across the country. What happened to doing the right thing just because it is the decent thing to do?  Why do we not give thoughtful hard working people the same acknowledgement and moment of fame? The altruistic people will be gone because we are valuing something far different.

We must encourage our children to help for the sake of helping. Many times there is a price tag attached. We are not teaching our children to take responsibility of a duty and complete it without a lot of praise. Some kids and adults take no accountability for their destructive attitudes and actions. Most of us live by the directives, pay me and I’ll do it. Yet there are real heroes all around us. How we began honoring sports heroes and television celebrities while disregarding the men and women who give of themselves continually is ludicrous. Although there are many in sports that live good lives there are just as many who seek the limelight and without scrutiny, are offered up as a role model. The problem is at times they have little to offer regarding ethics.

If media continues to give these people even a moment of fame, we will continue to witness the eye catching exploits of those with less than desirable morals. Maybe it is time to refer to the rule book and give praise where it is deserved. I know when we die we will all reap what we have sown. If we chase after elusive people and tenuous items we may find ourselves in a place that is not so beautiful. It may be time to teach our children the power of just being an honorable person. Teach our children the importance of doing something for no repay. The person who will let you pick the first donut, share the last cup of coffee in the pot, help you finish shoveling, and drive you to work when your car broke down, volunteer at soup kitchens, collect money for a charity, volunteer on a fire department  is the real hero only he or she doesn’t know it. Stop idolizing the rule breakers, and those that really care more about themselves and their glory and money. Ask yourself this question, if you needed help which person would you want standing beside you.

“Not in the clamor of the crowded street, nor in the shouts and plaudits of the throng, bit in ourselves are triumph and defeat.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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Avoidance Keeps the Confrontation Going.

 “The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none.” Thomas Carlyle

At various times we have a conflict with a friend or relative. It is common and is usually the result of either person having a bad day. For a variety of reasons we fail to mend the quarrel. The longer it takes us to amend the clash, the worse things get and the more uncomfortable we feel. What began as a disagreement mushrooms into a battle and then war. Neither party wants to confront the opposing foe. Both partners have their pride to maintain and or their determination to prove they are right. The ongoing struggle is enhanced because our next step is avoidance. You would think that avoidance would create a period of reflection and a desire to correct the problems we have with a friend or family member. This is usually not the case. If we do any reflection at all and if we become consciously aware of having any guilt in the matter, we will run away from our opposition in order to maintain our conviction of our innocence. Most likely neither side is without blame. Even if there are degrees of blame, we can still agree to disagree and let an issue dissolve. The majority of the time we choose avoidance which only hurts both of us, continues the hostility, and eats away at our conscience. We might be relaying our innocence to others yet wonders why we cannot sleep at night. Strangely enough, avoidance will promote alienation. Distance dissolves the love we once had and replaces it with  feeling a festering wound. Even if we are beginning to admit to ourselves, our own guilty part to the conflict, we begin to fault the other person for the continuance of the disagreement. We ablosve ourselves of all blame.

Time passes and erodes our strong passions. The episode loses its' glamour and we childish for having been a party to the issues. We avoid the person because we realize it was a stupid argument and we are uncomfortable to have put ourselves in such a situation. It was blown out of proportion.  Apologizing is not a choice because it would be humbling. It would make us appear weak. We are genuinely confused about our desires to fix the problem, without losing face, keeping our pride intact, and gaining back some peace. We are never sure about how it will go if we attempt the first approach. If we get rejected we will feel worse about the whole mess. In the end we back down and miss the opportunity.

By avoiding this person, we don’t have to make any decisions. In avoidance we are decimating a once happy relationship. We are paying a dear price for our pride. We must stop avoiding our opposition.  By being thrown together at work or gatherings, we have the chance to manage and work things out. Most of the time both people involved in the disagreement are sorry.  It is difficult to figure out how to go about making peace. When people are in close quarters, they tend to have more opportunities to fix a broken relationship. The prospects are better and appear to arise without any help. We discover our foe trying to carry a heavy load. Our offer to help washes away a lot of the mud we both slung. We offer a tool or advice to our angry friend.  We both laugh at a joke and find ourselves agreeing with each other. It is easy to repair differences when we are in proximity of the other person. The closer we get to human contact, the easier it gets to resolve the disputes. Suddenly we see our friend or sibling as a person we care about instead of as a stranger. We even wonder how and why the quarrel happened in the first place. We are glad it is finished and we are watchful it doesn't happen again. We go home, feel good and sleep soundly. 

“He that never changes his opinions, never corrects his mistakes and will never be wiser on the morrow than he is today.” Edward Tryon

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” Herbert V. Prochnow  

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What Everyone Ought to Know About Happiness

“Caring about others, running the risk of feeling, and leaving an impact on people, brings happiness.” Rabbi Harold Kushner

So many of us seek happiness and no matter how much money power or fame we achieve, it eludes us. Money can make our lives complicated. We purchase more material objects with our money and they break down and need to be fixed. We buy more tickets to movies, theatres, and traveling places and it basically eats up our time and energy. It isn’t that we don’t enjoy our money or the places we visit. We find ourselves sitting in a chair the next day wondering why we don’t have a big smile on our faces and brimming over with happiness. Instead we are exhausted and want to spend time alone.

Sometimes we strive to spend more time with others we care about, but they are so busy, they have little time to give us. This can make us feel unimportant to them. Searching inward we come to terms with the notion they don’t care about us as much as we care about them. It isn’t a good feeling and it doesn’t bring any happiness. We make new friends, join more groups or clubs, change our hair style, and buy new clothes and attempt to change our mindsets. Many times we end up alone and wondering what we did wrong and why are we unlikable.  The more we do for others, the less they reciprocate. When we need a friend we can’t find one. At times we think we have a giant target on our backs that says deplete me it’s okay. Others appear to have it all together. Maybe if we had more money or a better job or good friends or lived closer to family, things would be different.

We become more introverted and negative. We have little to say to others and they respond with quick retorts. Hasty responses begin to arise and we become consumed with feeling sorry for ourselves. Being so caught up in this state of mind, we completely ignore those standing beside us. We are after all suffering so much more than they are. The tunnel is dark and gloomy. We can’t find our way out. There is no one willing to help. Inadequacy in everything we get involved with is the norm.

Happiness has little to do with money, fame or friends. It truly is what we lite inside us. There is no measurement for fame. Maybe we are the hero in a young child’s eyes, or the one friend always depended upon by another. We may be the example of what a good neighbor is or the example to a stranger of what a kind person looks like. If we are constantly caught up in our own shortcomings and woes, we are unaware of what’s going on around us. So much is happening in front of us that we need to stop turning inward and look outward. We are missing so much of life if we don’t.

Some people who have more than enough money are not a bit happy. Some people with little money couldn’t be happier. Observe the dynamics of this situation. Happiness comes from our frame of mind and possibly from the parameters we set. If we believe we must have a certain amount of money to be happy or certain material gains then those become our restrictions for happiness. Break down the parameters and you allow yourself to be happy. If we feel we need to travel to faraway places to find happiness then again those are the restrictions. Tear them down and you can find pleasure walking in your neighborhood and chatting with the neighbors. When a person believes they would be more appealing if they had a better figure or fancier clothes, they have set their guidelines. Rip up the guidelines and really let the real you shine. Your personality is what gathers attention. Your clothes and figure get the first look but they cannot sustain a grumpy attitude. Suffice it to say you can start an exercise regime to help with the weight.

Happiness is not necessarily about being around those we love best in the world. It can be about loving those we are with. The secret to happiness has to do with Contentment with who we are and what we have. Contentment is the key word. That is what powers happiness. If we are content, we will be happy and we will be tuned into others and the world at large. Contented people come from all walks of life and from all economic levels. It is when you own the objects but they don’t own you. You can find pleasure in others and not limit yourself to a chosen few. If you limit yourself then you have shut out a multitude of people and you basically become a snob and a prejudiced person. Only those you have approved of can be your friends or be close to you.

When so many people are searching for love and acceptance it appears to be apparent that there are a lot of caring people looking for friendship. Don’t limit yourself or your power to love and be loved. We all really experience the same doubts, problems and fears. Just about all of us cover them up because we don’t want to display our weaknesses. None of us wants to appear vulnerable. Begin today to feel cheerful inside. Start with counting your positive good blessings. When you begin mulling this over, I would be surprised if a smile was not forming. Don’t let that smile or good feeling evaporate. Remember to begin each day reviewing what you should be thankful for. You will already be full of contentment and things can only get better.

“Happiness is the art of making a bouquet of those flowers within reach.” Anonymous

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Release a Burden by Admitting You Were Wrong

“Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond a doubt that they are right.” Laurens Van der

“I am sorry,” are three little words that are very difficult to say. It is kind of a mystery because we are all so quick to say we know we are not always correct and we don’t always do the right thing. We have no problem admitting we have made mistakes in the past yet in the present it is a different story. It is as if we are a different person and unwilling to admit we were wrong to the person in our vicinity. The earth may shatter if those three words are spoken. How many of us will admit we were partially at fault. We manage to do this a lot. It helps us to know that the other person needs to accept a piece of the fault. It allows us to admit our mistakes in the matter. As sorry as a person might be, they will turn the other cheek if their foe will not take any fault in the matter. Their apologies will be short lived and most likely they will be on the attack mode again.

               One wonders if we have a sense of inferiority when having to admit we were wrong. I think it has to do with the fact that we all get hurt when in a disagreement with another. As a result we are trying to justify why we acted the way we did. We can’t admit total blame because we need to make the other person realize what they did to us. It always turns around to our own hurts. We need to be justified in our poor behavior like we had a right to act poorly because we were emotionally injured. Maybe we were totally having a bad day and this other person said or did something that irked us and caused us to remember past injuries or experiences of injuries. The volatile situation takes off. We do not want to appear vulnerable so we accuse attack and practically force another to take some blame. Because most of us are probably guilty of some blame in the matter, we usually accept our share and both parties walk away renewed and absolved of any wrong-doing.

               What is most refreshing and cleansing for the soul is to admit total guilt now and again when we have legitimately caused the problem. It is powerful and actually lifts one’s spirits above what they were. Total acceptance is like baring one’s soul to another and lowering oneself. Somehow in this process the opposite is attained. By lowering oneself to another, you become lifted and more regal. Magic happens because the other person is surprised, impressed and sometimes ends up admiring your courage.  I am not suggesting anyone do this without belief in their own faults and belief in taking the higher road. The results are usually a meltdown of the barriers we create and a more honest and open discussion. The façade is not needed. We do not have to save face. There is no embarrassment to avoid. In such an atmosphere so much more is achieved. Being ourselves is easier, conflict is lessened, listening is heightened, and this reflective experience allows us to understand more and work towards a positive solution. It is never easy to say we are sorry. It is almost impossible to admit we were wrong. But when it happens we are rewarded with such a release of tension and anger, we are usually never sorry we did it.

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