“Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when
they are convinced beyond a doubt that they are right.” Laurens Van der
“I am sorry,” are three little words that are very difficult
to say. It is kind of a mystery because we are all so quick to say we know we
are not always correct and we don’t always do the right thing. We have no
problem admitting we have made mistakes in the past yet in the present it is a
different story. It is as if we are a different person and unwilling to admit we
were wrong to the person in our vicinity. The earth may shatter if those three
words are spoken. How many of us will admit we were partially at fault. We
manage to do this a lot. It helps us to know that the other person needs to
accept a piece of the fault. It allows us to admit our mistakes in the matter.
As sorry as a person might be, they will turn the other cheek if their foe will
not take any fault in the matter. Their apologies will be short lived and most
likely they will be on the attack mode again.
One
wonders if we have a sense of inferiority when having to admit we were wrong. I
think it has to do with the fact that we all get hurt when in a disagreement
with another. As a result we are trying to justify why we acted the way we did.
We can’t admit total blame because we need to make the other person realize
what they did to us. It always turns around to our own hurts. We need to be
justified in our poor behavior like we had a right to act poorly because we
were emotionally injured. Maybe we were totally having a bad day and this other
person said or did something that irked us and caused us to remember past
injuries or experiences of injuries. The volatile situation takes off. We do
not want to appear vulnerable so we accuse attack and practically force another
to take some blame. Because most of us are probably guilty of some blame in the
matter, we usually accept our share and both parties walk away renewed and
absolved of any wrong-doing.
What is
most refreshing and cleansing for the soul is to admit total guilt now and
again when we have legitimately caused the problem. It is powerful and actually
lifts one’s spirits above what they were. Total acceptance is like baring one’s
soul to another and lowering oneself. Somehow in this process the opposite is
attained. By lowering oneself to another, you become lifted and more regal. Magic
happens because the other person is surprised, impressed and sometimes ends up
admiring your courage. I am not
suggesting anyone do this without belief in their own faults and belief in
taking the higher road. The results are usually a meltdown of the barriers we
create and a more honest and open discussion. The façade is not needed. We do
not have to save face. There is no embarrassment to avoid. In such an
atmosphere so much more is achieved. Being ourselves is easier, conflict is
lessened, listening is heightened, and this reflective experience allows us to
understand more and work towards a positive solution. It is never easy to say
we are sorry. It is almost impossible to admit we were wrong. But when it
happens we are rewarded with such a release of tension and anger, we are
usually never sorry we did it.
