Why Are there Tears?

"Think occasionally of the suffering of which you spare yourself the sight." Albert Schweitzer
Having worked with kids for more than twenty five years, has given me insight into their hearts and thoughts. More than sixty-five percent of the kids in certain classrooms are emotionally abused daily. This abuse occurs from the hands of parents or step parents. When so many children are hurting, it is time to ask ourselves
why. Speaking for the children is important to me. Family life appears to be deteriorating. This has created a domino
effect. To fix society we must fix the schools. To fix the schools we must fix the child’s home environment. It is time to look at this dilemma with new eyes. We can’t fix it with the old way of thinking. Our challenge as parents is to look at the facts. We might promote an aggressive attempt at a new approach. Success comes from the love and nurturing at home. Society can’t reteach or rehabilitate broken children easily, or possibly ever,Against all odds, some children grow up in poor circumstances but rise to become superstars. The difference in their home environments was love, encouragement, and support from their parents, or another caring adult. The power of love has been greatly underestimated. Although we all love our children, demonstrating this with hard work is paramount. This means placing our children’s needs first, constant watchfulness, and guiding them with integrity and righteousness. Stopping the unconscious mistreatment of children is my goal. By stopping some harmful choices we make children improve emotionally and academically. It certainly is worth the determination for all of us to make an effort.
"Each day of our lives we can make deposits into the memory banks of our children." Charles Swindoll

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EXCUSES

"Act as if what you do makes a difference, it does." William James

Yes on any given day I can come up with a million excuses to avoid doing anything. I would venture to say I am not alone. It is clearly a problem because it keeps me from interactions with others, accomplishing jobs I had set as goals for the day, completing and making deadlines set by others, and living up to promises I made to friends and family. 

I don't intentionally plan on skipping things I should do. Now that is a pardon for me to feel better. There are definitely times when our justifications are real and not so much a coping out as an they are a real obstacle preventing us from doing what we should do. No criticism intended but gaining a handle on excuses allows us to accomplish so much more. We don't call the friend because we are watching a good TV show or checking our e-mails or sitting on the couch without having to think or talk about anything. 


At work, we find something boring or so difficult it is impossible to begin. At home  our tasks always take longer than what we think and we know this and simply don't want to get started in the first place. The luxury of doing nothing seems to be given only at times when we are sick. Of course at these  times we can't enjoy this free time because we don't feel well. Some of us use others to escape work effort and responsibility. A  divorced father can escape his  obligations by acknowledging his wife doesn't permit  him to see the kids which may be true. what a relief. No lost time or effort on his part and no guilt. A headache or cold ought to alleviate our helping with the household tasks even if we are feeling a bit better. We can take another day. I am guilty of many of these affairs myself. I know I would be further along  with my jobs if I tackled them without thought just responsibility. Some tasks are important like our kids. We need to separate what counts from counting what tasks are waiting. Kids can't wait. They desperately need us and after all we are their parents. So if I can't bend over as much due to a leg injury I can still kick that ball back to my kid and let them toss it again. I can still be there to talk or listen or watch the world around us evolving. That's final no exoneration, I need to go and take care of what matters most.

"Things that matter most should never be at  the mercy of things which matter least." Johann Van Goethe

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Divorce At Any Age Hurts

I heard today from a young friend that her parents were getting a divorce. They had been married over 25 yrs. My friend is married yet so very hurt and yes traumatized. It might seem crazy but divorce hurts the children regardless of age. It brings it back to relationships and understanding. At times, we just don't understand an other's motives, words or actions. Many times we jump to conclusions that are not true. As a DIL I remember times when I felt the  cold shoulder from my MIL and I would think hard about what I might have done to cause it. Now that I am a MIL I wonder why my DIL's might be quiet. I sat down one day and laughed because it occurred to me that maybe they had just had a fight and their attitudes had nothing to do with me. We assume everything is about us. but if we reflect enough we realize that the world is not revolving around any of us. others are not pondering what we do or say. We should not take attitude to heart. It might be coming from so many places and our MIL and DIL relationship does not need this pressure. Believing we are on safe ground with our in-law allows us the freedom to relax and trust in the relationship. Entertaining thoughts of doubt breeds suspicion and doubt. If everything we say and do is never ever done with any malice or revenge, then we are secure in an honest trustworthy situation. Let the awkward moods pass unnoticed. We all have bad days.

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