HANDLING RESENTMENT

"Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and organize your life around it." Brian Tracy

At times we believe jealousy is the furthest thing from our minds. The truth is it is always close by and waiting to pounce unexpectedly. We are content to hear of the problems of others. It can make us feel improved. It allows us to think of being contented. We are superior to the person whose problems we are listening to. We gain more support in difficult or unhappy times than when we are celebrating cheerful periods. It is curious but we feel better when another is hurting. We feel jealous when another is rejoicing. At first glance we deny this but on a second glance we face the reality of our thoughts.

              "Envy is a symptom of lack of appreciation of our own uniqueness and self-worth. Each of us has something to give that no one else has."  Elizabeth O'Connor 
In times of trouble people act diminished and less competitive. They give up the fight. That is when we are offering support and feel superior to their dilemma. When times are good for another, we feel beaten and act defeated. In truth we are not a winner or loser in either event. That is the secret. We are choosing our feelings about a given situation. We may feel more like a hero when we are giving help. Likewise we feel more defeated when we require aid. Most of us keep our issues to ourselves and manifest jealousy in response to another’s pleasure. They have what we would like. In our minds they don’t deserve it or they don’t warrant it any more than we do. We ask ourselves why they possess something we don’t have.

               Within this questioning process we feel sorry for ourselves, frustrated about our lot and angry with others we perceive as in a loftier position. We begin to perseverate on how they achieved what they exhibit, and how boastful they appear to be. In reality these people may not be arrogant at all. They may possess certain comforts but are not owned by their possessions. The judgments we project about any given situation is not necessarily the reality of it. Building something bigger than it actually is creates our feelings of jealousy. We attribute all kinds of bad concepts to the situation and people we are jealous about.

               To stop resentment we need to focus only on what is good and what is working in our lives. How much do we have is more important than how much is deficit. Striving for superficial happiness is at the root of some jealous moments. In reality this apparent pleasure may bring an insurmountable problem or work that may leave us defeated. Acquiring an object of desire comes with a price. The price can be higher than we thought and costlier than we wanted to pay. Appreciating what we have is important. If we stop our jealous tendencies, we may stop our low moods. Our lives will be more joyful and we will live in the moment.

               When one settles for something for the time being, wishing to always have something more, one is living in a future time based on a dream. This person is missing the present time completely to the point of destroying it through covetousness. The person cannot cope with what is so they only envy what they are lacking. It destroys self-esteem, energy, cooperation, love and happiness. Jealousy destroys the good time in the present by not allowing you to enjoy another’s friendship, property or talents. People and material items are not to be envied. Our lives are worth so much more. Happiness comes from within and needs to be celebrated from without. Enjoy every moment you have and cherish it because it is the treasure we strive for but never find as long as we fill our hearts and minds with jealous theories that leave no room for true satisfaction and meaning.

"A good criterion for measuring your success in life is the number of people you have made happy." Robert J. Lumsden

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Sowing The Seeds For Success

"Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it comes and softly sits on your shoulder." Nathaniel Hawthorne

During some recent difficult days, I had a lot of time to think and reflect. I realized that as the saying goes, stop to smell the roses, is undoubtedly true. When we are forced to stop for a moment our greatest reflections come to the forefront of our minds and remind us just what it is we are doing with our lives. Do we spend it being jealous or envious of others? Do we spend it attempting to get even for the wrongs another did to us? Do we spend it making money or fame? None of these things make us happy. Revenge will leave us empty and disgusted with ourselves. Fame and fortune will find us friends who will leave us as quickly as they came. Happiness is inner and comes  from the contentment of our own lives. We really need to dwell  on the positive things in our lives. To do this we must slow down and "Smell the coffee or the flowers" It might just change our focus towards something that is more worthwhile or inspiring. As the saying goes if you are handed lemons make lemon juice. See those around you  as innocent. View any comments or actions as unintentional. It brings peace of mind and allows the potentially guilty party to possibly reflect on their comments or actions and regret and have a change of heart. Either way our mind and  body are at peace.

            I knew one MIL and DIL who were having trouble communicating. Exasperated one day the MIL said to me how frustrating it was to discuss anything with her DIL. She mentioned the many times she asked her DIL to lunch but was always shot down with a negative reply and excusse. She felt hated by her DIL and began avoiding her. I happened to run across the DIL one day and asked how her MIL was faring. She immediately and sheepishly replied she hadn't seen much of her lately. Because she appeared to be saddened rather than happy or angry I pursued to question her why that was so. She stated how she enjoyed her MIL's company but that her own mother resented any time she spent with her MIL. This caused her to feel guilty every time she enjoyed her MIL's company. I gently encouraged her to maintain a relationship with her MIL. It was healthy and in no way diminished her reltionship with her own mother. I told her how wonderful were the moments I spent with my own DIL's. Her face sort of lit up and she resolved to think about what I had said. I'm not sure how it all worked out but I am sure of how we manage to influence others in a negative rather than a positive way.

"In your hands you hold the seeds of failure or the potential for greatness. Your hands are capable but they must be used and for the right things to reap the rewards you are capable of attaining. The choice is yours." Zig Ziglar

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