At Holiday get-togethers we sometimes spend more time worrying about the family we will be interacting with, than the simple pleasure of their company. We are wasting a happy occasion with our non-stop anxieties. Many of these fears are of our own making and actually carry no weight. Other family members who are also attending are probably bringing their own set of worries. All of us are oblivious to each other because we are focusing on our own thoughts about the Holiday. Likely we all feel insecure about ourselves and it registers with fear, anxiety, distrust, and worry. We are not paying the slightest attention to others. We are solely focused on ourselves and our concern of the judgments of others. If we could simply view the Holiday gathering with different eyes we might be able to enjoy the upcoming event. My best to you with this endeavor. I offer a few of my insights on family bonding.
These are some tips on
how to deal with SIL relationships and create a positive culture in your family
amongst the siblings and siblings-in-law:
- Competing with your siblings -in-law creates a no-win
situation. Being right or wrong is not as important as how well everyone's
sense of worth remains intact. Maintain your self-confidence, and be
cognizant of the vulnerability in others. Words spoken from the tips of
tongues are not profound deliberations.
- Siblings-in-Law as well as siblings compete somewhat,
but parents ought to downplay this circumstance. If parents unwittingly
encourage this behavior, then it could possibly continue and have an
influence on the closeness of siblings. The result may be a competitive
relationship amongst their children which follows them into adulthood.
- Siblings-in-law, who choose to misconstrue the
mother-in-law's remarks, may get as close to a disaster as anyone could.
This woman is the mother of this young man and she loves him
unconditionally, but judgments will proclaim their own erroneous analyses.
- One must be reminded that sometimes we create our own
competition. It may not always be the mother-in-law or the sibling-in-law
causing it. The mother-in-law or sibling-in-law could become the
scapegoat, but they may be innocent.
- Every time a sibling-in-law shares the most recent
event in her young child's life does not mean she is boastful. Size is not
better. Learning is not intelligence. Athletic ability is not valor.
Beauty never denotes inner quality. Why do we fret? We cannot be insecure.
Pitting siblings or grandchildren against each other creates animosity and
tension.
- A person relishes promising comments and praise of
their child. This will also create bonds of friendship with your
siblings-in-law. The end result is an ally and a pal you can confide in.
Compliments stimulate greater achievement.
- Look for the things you have in common with your
siblings-in-law. This will help you to bond with each other. Extend equal
acceptance of your nieces or nephews. Refrain from comparing children.
They are all unique individuals, with their own talents and personalities.
- Diversity makes life more interesting. With girls,
beauty might become another area that causes suffering. Many sisters, as
well as sisters-in-law, are compared. How do we decide what beauty,
strength or kindness is or is not? Might strength be enduring a childhood
illness, accepting rejection by others or rejection from joining a team as
well as being the best player on a team? Is strength accepting a job loss
without blaming our spouse, enduring the guiding of a difficult child,
suffering the loss of a loved one? Our lives are complicated enough and
loaded with trials. Many of us don't recognize our own or the
achievements of others. Jealousy creeps in when we believe we are burdened
but others have it easier.
- A trace of jealousy may always be present, but it can
be kept in restraint. All of us struggle to balance our lives with peace
and happiness. We can presume on the surface that others have life easier
than we do, but everyone struggles. Some hide the labor better than others
do, and some complain less, but the grind is enduring for all. Supporting
each other as well as managing the jealous tendencies can make life so
much easier. Remember that praise and gratefulness go a long way in
healing pain, frustration, and envy.
- Families with a culture of competitiveness among adult
children will likely foster anger, frustration, and guilt. Be cognizant of
the fact that all children in the family can be depended upon to carry out
distinct undertakings. Some children are prodigious at inviting their
parents for dinner and entertaining them. Other children are present when
there is a difficulty. Still others will assume major responsibilities for
their parents if the time and need arises. Siblings can't feel they have
let their parents down because they didn't do what another sibling did.
This will cause disharmony in their sibling relationship.
Would you say you have a good relationship with your SIL? If so, how do you make it work so well?
