See the Goal

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Probably the most discouraging thing is to repeat mistakes. We all have great intentions of kicking a bad habit or behaving in a different way but many times we resort to the familiar response and again regret our transgression. We beat ourselves up about it after and how our  lack of resolve wasn't strong enough. I am also one of those people who tries again and again to do what I think is right but many times I fail. I at times think I should just forget it because I am incapable of changing but then the old conscious kicks in and begs me to try another attempt  which I do. As I reflect over the years on my attempts I realize that some higher power is at work and that my trials have become more difficult. It is at that moment that I realized that the temptations have had an increase of energy. It then occurred to me that maybe as I passed one trial I have had an increase in intensity. Just  maybe with each baby step of choosing the honorable path, I am encouraged to keep going further in order to perfect my responses. Not sure but it appears that way to me. Of course along the route there are numerous failures too numerous to count. What I am  trying to say is maybe just maybe we are all making progress even when we can't see any movement toward the better. It is never about succeeding on the first second or thousandth time. It's about maintaining the effort to keep trying that counts.

If we do not keep attempting then we'll never succeed. A teeny weensy baby step is worth more than no attempt whatsoever. The message is clear to never give up. We totally lose when we do give up. If we have a temper and yell very loudly then the next time we are a tiny bit less loud than the time before, we have made progress. We may still be yelling quite loudly but the knowledge that  we tried is there with us and a reminder that we are aware of our battles. Isn't half the battle the knowledge that we admit our faults (at least some) and begin to challenge ourselves to alter our behaviors? Stop belittling yourselves. Pat yourself on the back every time you put effort into correcting a fault. Rejoice every time your attempts make even the slightest progress. Rejoice even if you attempted. It's not the destination as  much as the ride to it. You become a better person simply because you made the attempt.

"No one is ever beaten, unless he gives up the fight." W. Beran Wolfe

"The best rosebush after all is not that which has the fewest thorns but that which bears the finest roses." Henry Van Dyke

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OUR UNIQUENESS DISTINGUISHES OUR IMPACT

"One learns people through the heart, not the eyes or the intellect." Mark Twain


It might sound absurd but most of us hide behind smiles and words. Out of fear most likely or a lack of trust, we keep our true identities hidden. It seems sad that so many of us either don't think another would like us if they knew "what we were really like," or "how we were really feeling." Relationships would be deeper if we could get beyond our doubts and fears. That also means all of us need to stop judging others so that they may feel more secure in releasing their genuine feelings. Strong emotions bring out confusion. We ;might be unsure about what we should do. Others know this and most likely that is why most of our emotions are hidden. We present the smile and expected words of camaraderie. Inside the person may be feeling sad, tortured, sick, depleted, scared, unsure, and afraid to release these thoughts even to close relatives. What have we become? All of us have a wide range of thoughts  and emotions and an even wider range of fears. We leave the party intact along with everyone else and go home feeling alone in our depressing thoughts even more so because everyone else appeared to have a great time. Surprise! Most people at the gathering assumed you were having a great time even though  they were not. If we didn't judge, then we could all let our  hair down. The most even tempered, together person, at times feels lost. We are human. We all have doubts and fears especially because we are making choices every day and facing problems to solve every day. Our decisions don't  always fly well with others yet we know they are the right choices to make. Life is full of doubt fear and pain. Let's turn it around and realize we are triumphant in treading down the difficult path.

It's difficult to accept and deal with challenges and getting older,  It's hard to accept responsibility and blame  and children moving on from our homes. Job loss and diseases and sicknesses and loss are challenging to face. It's okay to acknowledge in our hearts that we may not be as happy as our smile indicates. It's also  okay to enjoy the happy moments that come our way. It does not in any way diminish our feelings about personal issues. It should be okay to mention we are not in top form and at times sad or scared or angry or unhappy. It's like releasing it to the universe and accepting any positive feedback that results from this release. Others may understand us more than we think. We hide but not really. Some things are just mute but understood. We can't be afraid to take off the covers of our true self and we can't be so judgemental that we prevent others and ourselves from doing it. Then when we smile it will be real. We may also smile more because it really is okay to have a whole range of feelings inside of us going through us at the same time. It's okay to be human.

"We only know of one duty and that is to love." Albert Camus

"To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded." Ralph Waldo Emerson

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WHEN ENVY ACTIVATES SUSPICION

"Sometimes our candle goes out,but is blown into flame by an encounter with another human being." Albert Schweitzer


How are your Holidays progressing? As one gets older the Holidays seem to manifest bittersweet memories. We all remember people who were with us at past holidays. We remember a favorite dessert a certain someone loved to eat. We recall one's habits and rituals which bring tears to our eyes. It tortures us to live in the past and it actually deprives us of creating special moments with those we are with at the present point in time. Even though it is difficult, we need to look beyond our hurts and even our desires and gain an inner contentment reflecting on the good things we have and the loving people that  are currently in our lives. We really do have that choice. One can choose to dwell on our injuries or rejoice in our loving relationships. Nobody can go backwards in time. I believe we must allow the pain to slip away on the wings of butterflies.
The present is what is. Pain will always be remembered but reliving it hurts us over and over again. It depletes our energy, confuses our minds, and prevents us from allowing our hearts to open up to the surrounding love. Being whole again is invigorating. Being whole again doesn't mean we forget or block anything away. We simply choose to focus on what is right and beautiful in our lives. If there be one individual or animal that loves us we are blessed. if we can't think of anyone then we can easily search and find another person who would so appreciate having a friend. We are not ever alone unless we choose it. Let go of the fear of the unknown. Let go of the fear of embracing  something knew. Sometimes when we observe others having a great time at a gathering, we wish we could be some of those people. What we see is not always reality.

 Many of us at times feel alone in our hurts even amongst a crowd of people. It can become easy to feign happiness. Step into your life and embrace it with open arms. See beyond your doubts, jealousies and fears. Never give up. Never give up. It's just at the moment when you feel the worst, that things might just change for the better. We do have to help ourselves. So open your heart to others and don't fear the unknown. Seriously count your blessings. You might be surprised at how many there are.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain." Vivian Greene

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Break Down Emotional Barriers

"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." Rick Tate

I just need to say I am opened for suggestions or  questions. I have been voicing my opinions and would like to have input from others. I don't have all of the answers but I like to look at every problem and situation and come up with a positive helpful solution because I personally think negativity promotes frustration anger and more negativity. Even if our solutions  to a problem are different, by providing a positive look we are focusing more on a truce or compromising answer. I am not always big on compromising but I'm beginning to understand that peace is awesome and comes through compromise. We can still have our own ideas about something and hold on to those ideas unless they hurt others. Even if we don't convince another towards our way of thinking, at least we can throw  out our thoughts and reflections. By doing so in a compromising unoffensive manner,  we allow others the opportunity  to view and ponder our ideas. if we fight for what we perceive as right we alienate others and they shut down before we can even provide our thoughts to them. I would venture to say that patience is the key to listening and compromising. Maybe we give 60% and another gives 40. The next time we might only need to give 90 while another gives 10. I think that is how we come to solve problems without their being a winner or a loser which is really the real reason we don't like to admit we might be wrong about something. Life is more about learning and moving forward with a greater repertoire than we had the day before. it's not about diminishing others in the process.

"People will not bear it when advice is violently given. Even if  it is well founded. Hearts are flowers, they  remain open to the softly fallen dew, but shut up in the violent downpour of rain." John Paul Richter

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A positive approach is to search inward not outward

"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an enchanted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit." Helen Keller


Was the  holiday expressive or repressive? We survived it. It would be nice if we could say we enjoyed it and I am now convinced I can say it. I focus on my attitude and not the attitude of others. If someone tries to draw me into a controversial discussion I do not take the bait. Sometimes people are just in an honory mood so I keep my distance until it is safe. Did you ever notice as I have that when I am in a bad mood I  tend to take it out on the same person. It seems to happen that some person is most likely the recipient of our anger if they are nearby. Of course if they are not it leaves us with finding another. It proves to me that lots of times my anger might be unjustified and the result of my own mood. I am beginning to feel guilty now if I  upset others and cause a domino effect. It makes me think aout causing a more positive effect. To think how many times I have caused my own terrible holiday experience makes me want to chew out myself. Now I prepare.

I remember to ignore remarks that may not hold the meaning I think they hold. I put myself in another's shoes and think about why they are frustrated and being mean. I overlook another's quick temper and mark it off as a possible disagreement with another, or trouble at their place or employment or withing their own homes. I don  not want the responsibility of another's bad mood to cause me a miserable holiday. I also do not want to be swallowed up into their issues. I want to enjoy the happy moments because many times  they are not often enough. More holidays are on the way and really I believe we can make of them what we want. I for one do not want to make them miserable for myself  or others, nor do I want to create a problem with another human being which will torment me far beyond the holiday. The choice is mine.

"Life offers no guarantees...just choices;no certainty...but consequences;no predictable outcomes...just the privilege of pursuit." Tim Connor

"He climbs highest who helps another up." George Matthew Adams

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How to stop jealousy and heal pain

"Shallow men believe in luck Strong men believe in cause and effect." Ralph Waldo Emerson


Everyone might register a trace of jealousy. Even though it might always be present, we can keep it under restraint. All of us struggle to balance our lives. We can presume that on the surface others have life easier. But all of us struggle. Some hard the labor of their lives better than others and some complain less. the grind is enduring for all. Supporting each other as well as managing the jealous tendency's, can make life so much easier. praise and gratefulness go a long  way in healing pain, frustration and envy. praising another actually releases our envy. It can evaporate our insecurities and allow us to see  the good qualities in another without making ourselves feel diminished. Our talents are real we need to recognize them. We don't need to be someone else or live in an other's shoes. When we break down the walls we create for ourselves  we allow ourselves permission to like and love others as well as accepting their love.

"Happiness is not a when or a where; it can be a here and now. But until you are happy with who you are you will never be happy because of what you have." Zig Ziglar

"Caring about others, running the risk of feeling and leaving an impact on people, brings happiness." Rabbi Harold Kushner

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THE EFFECTIVENESS OF COMPLIMENTS

"Envy is a symptom of lack of appreciation of our own uniqueness and self-worht. Each of us has something to give that no one else has." Elizabeth O'Connor


A person relishes promising comments and praise of their child or themselves. This helps to create bonds of friendship and goodwill with your siblings-in-law. The end result likely is an ally and a pal you can confide in. Compliments stimulate greater achievement. They also place negativity into the background where it belongs. Seeing a gas tank half full instead of half empty encourages one to continue forward rather than stopping or worse backing up. If we feel better when we hang out with certain people, it makes us want to hang out with them all the more or at the very least we look forward to a sharing time with them. competition is a start to jealousy and envy. If we don't measure up it leaves us angry and or defeated. We might also resent the other person or want to beat them at something. If we thought long and hard about the negative energy it took us to calm down we would skip it I'm sure. The alternative is to let it eat away at our stamina and nerves and contribute to health problems. At times we create our own dilemma. When we get up in  the morning, do we see the same person as the day before? We haven't changed. We are special unique and one of a kind. We have qualities no one else has. We  do things to help others we might not even know that we did. Any interaction with another person might offer more to that person than we will ever find out. If we were not the to wait on them or help them or greet them, they might never have been lifted out of their depressing mood. When we help others we help ourselves. We can all start with out own families and friends. Why make life more difficult by causing more strife. One compliment can carry a person further than a feather dropped from a high building on a windy day. Enjoy the compliments  others give to you and don't be stingy with your compliments.

"In marriage, with children at work, in any association-an ounce of praise of sincere appreciation of some act or attribute can very often do more than a ton of fault-finding. If we look for it we can usually find in even the most unlikely unlikable and incapable person something to commend and encourage. Doubtless it is a human frailty but most of us in the glow of feeling we have pleased
want to do more to please and knowing we have done well want to do better." Anonymous

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