THE POWER OF PRAYER

"Life's not about waiting for the storms to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain." BJ Gallagher/Mac Anderson

 I have been extremely busy with fear and worry. My daughter whose sons were one and two at the  time, was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is doing fantastic now and will finish her infusions in May. She will have her reconstruction soon. She  and I and the rest of the family are embracing a full recovery and we attribute it to God and the power of prayer. As much as we all like to think of prayer as  hocus pocus, I have come to a full circle with God. I now know he is here walking beside me every step of the way. I am enlightened to be aware of his presence and glory and power. I believe in miracles and I thank God for my miracle. It has been a long grind which is hard to explain to anyone. It has been over a year since the nightmare began and it is only recently I have been able to say my daughter's name in the same sentence as the disease without a total meltdown.

All of us have someone we know in a similar situation. some are better and some are worse. It is really hard to put a measurement on love so I won't try. I don't blame those who run away from it or try to hide and ignore  it because after all if it were something contagious we would all be hiding. Nobody wants it to enter their lives in any  way or form. It entered mine a few times along  my life's way with two aunts, my sister, my mother-in-law brother cousins and friends. When it came to my daughter I was devastated to say the least. Somehow our kids are an extension of us and the better part of us. We spend a lifetime protecting them nurturing them even when they don't need it anymore. It is natural that their hurt is ours. At those times I felt like a ticking bomb waiting to explode as my silent tears dribbled down my cheeks hidden by glasses. I prayed to  God for her total recovery.

My daughter and I survived with God's help but the fear remains and I try to keep it at bay but sometimes it creeps in and on those days I pray. For those who don't understand that's  okay it is impossible to understand because your mind doesn't want to go  on that route for fear of jinxing yourself. It is okay, just about all of us would do the same in similar situations. It is good to attempt to be a comfort to those who need it. I know the number of angels who came to my daughter's support and thus to mine were angels in my book. Their efforts of time meals flowers and visits will never be underestimated.

 I know we can't always pay back to those who helped us but we can all pay it forward which my daughter has already started to do. Being a light for each other is what god wants. I know this in my heart. He doesn't want us to live in  fear and I am working on that one as is my daughter. Fear immobilizes and cripples the  present. We worry about things that may never come to pass. I know that I will have a strong faith when I can let go of my fears, give them to God and trust that all is well. If we let go and let God as I heard one person put it, we will be calm enough to do his work. It has been a roller coaster ride with so many turns up and down that it is hard to attempt to recall the explosiveness of the downs. We both came out of it with a deeper connection to God. You get refined when you walk through the fire. I ask for prayers for my daughter that she may raise her children and live a long life. When anyone asks "Can I do anything?" I always reply, "Please pray for my daughter." The power of prayer is a miracle.
"Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world."
May God Bless all of you. My Best
pam

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SUSTAINING APPRECIATION BEYOND THE MOMENT

“Acts of love are what will bring peace to your life and to the world.” Dr. Lee Scampolsky

Whenever another person does something for me, it fills my spirit with thanks and total appreciation for them in my life. The problem for me and I am sure for most people is to maintain that appreciation past the thankful moment. When we are sick we call on a friend or family member and they come running to help us. When we are feeling better we don’t think as much about them. I know we will help them in return if they need us but the focus of their kind acts shifts to the background of our lives.

When our car breaks down, our pets need to be looked after while we are on vacation, we need a babysitter, cheering up, help in a desperate time of need, someone comes to our aid. Fast forward to a future time and place. The person who has helped us out numerous times suddenly says or does something we don’t like. Now we forget immediately, all the times they were there for us. We get angry and hurt and we lash out and dismiss them with nothing more than a blink of the eye.

If this is something you have done or experienced, you are in the majority group. You go home and try to understand what just happened to you. Maybe they don’t recall your generous time effort and money but you certainly do and you can’t believe how fast they turned on you. I have been at the receiving end of such situations and pondered the numerous things I had done for this person and I found it hard to believe they didn’t count my many offerings of love and generosity of time and money.

Recently I was on the other side of the situation. A good friend infuriated me and I lashed out without thinking. It didn’t escalate but I went home upset and then refused to answer her phone calls or e-mails. For days I reviewed what she had done to me and my fire was fueled. I eventually answered her calls and we talked about things unrelated to our problem. Our relationship was somewhat back on track but I had the feeling it could never be the same.

Then I needed help and the first person I thought of was my friend. I felt uneasy about it but I asked and she answered immediately. After the incident I sat reflecting on what had just transpired. My friend was my friend regardless of our recent strained issues. She came through just as she had always come through for me. I then recalled how many times I came through for those who had tossed me aside. I asked myself why we get up and go back for more.

It occurred to me that the reason was love. When you love someone you put aside petty disagreements and take care of their needs. The arguments wait for another day. Enlightenment happened at that precise moment. I began contemplating all the wonderful times my friend and I had shared. I recalled the multiple times she was at my side when I needed her to be. I began to feel guilty about the problems between us and felt like I had created a mountain out of a mole hill.

You see, all the caring acts of kindness create the huge mountain of love. The few acts of meanness create  the small mountain which we can either jump over or climb easily to the other side. I was so focused on the few hurtful incidences and I reviewed them constantly in my mind. I understood how little I had thought about the kind acts of service which she had performed on a regular basis. As soon as the favor was completed, it was out of my mind.

I resolved that day to remember the wonderful things people do for me. I refuse to allow them to go unnoticed. I don’t want to forget the glowing feeling I experienced when these favors were done for me. So when the day comes, as it always does in any relationship, that my friend or relative annoys me or worse, I will be armed to fight the negative thoughts with the remembrance of the good she or he has shown to me.  

Now I am actually applying it to all areas of my life and have a more positive approach to people in general. Sometimes we don’t want others to forget all the things they did wrong at our expense. In retrospect, we forget to remember and sustain the memories of all the things they did and said that were right for us. This is similar to the way we teach our child that we dislike what they did but we still love them. If we can sustain and appreciate love, beyond the moment, we will keep our friends and family close. For Everyone’s information, my friend and I are completely on track without any scratches or scars.

“You can give without loving but you can never love without giving.” Robert Louis Stevenson

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Mark Twain

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Extinguish The Rage

"Speak when you're angry, and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret." Lawrence J. Peter

"Whenever you are in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude." William James

When one feels the smoldering inside of them because another person has ignited some kind of fear, the first thing we might do is question ourselves. That may sound ludicrous but an immediate question may find the reasons why we begin to flare up in anger. I am by no means saying our anger is due to another person's agitation. Just because another person angers us does not give us the right to speed our temper. Controlling our anger is our problem.
To make sense of it we need to understand what triggers our anger and then work on that. If another's tone of voice angers us ask why. Do we recall a parent's or spouse's or sibling's tone in that voice? Did they make us feel inferior or even stupid? That would explain why when we hear that tone from another, we tend to overreact. We might better understand and let go of our quick negative  reaction towards them.

Anger usually originates from fear. We  fear losing control. We fear losing respect, an object, a person, power, friends, position etc.. The list goes on but the fear is basically the same just varying degrees. If we get cut off when driving a car do we begin to think, the other driver deliberately tried to do it and wanted to prove they were crafty. In our minds we visualize them laughing at us, making fun of us. The flame inside of us burns stronger until we feel the need to attack in some way. This might be verbally, causing a barrage of profanities in front of our family or worse we recklessly race to try and cut them off at another area of the road.

reasoning why it bothered us so much may explain the real truth. they were simply taking their shot to move ahead and get to where they were going. We as a person were not intricately involved in their thinking. Most of the time, road rage has nothing to do with an individual person. It's more to do with winning or getting ahead or trying to make time or a zillion other reasons that have nothing at all to do with us. Our reaction has everything to do with our insecurity at being bested.

Why does it bother us when another person gloats about their vacation or job promotion, or new whatever? Does it make us think that they think they are better? Can we remember a time when we gloated about something, anything? Did we want to bother or upset another person? If we can say no to that question, then we should acknowledge that most likely people are happy about their current situation and they do want to brag. Parents perhaps pitted child against child during growing years creating a competitive environment. The bragging may not harm us physically but it sticks in our mind that we just lost some kind of mind game.

Reflect on your anger when you have some time especially when we get angry with our kids. Maybe they interrupted a movie or time with our spouse. Our kids may be acting in ways that reflect our own childhood when parents were admonishing us for a similar situation.We don't  want to hurt our child but we lash out at the imitation of ourselves doing what is now ingrained in us as stupid. Is it really lost?

If we are trying to fix something and it still doesn't work, will yelling at the wife, husband kids make the situation better? Maybe it is time to walk away from the thing and ask for help or work on it when our mind is refreshed. Don't fear not getting it done the way it was planned. Nothing ever goes according to schedule. There really are no deadlines. When one realizes that  our fear of not accomplishing goals and objectives is in our own minds then our frustrations won't lead to anger. Ask yourself a few of these questions today before you fan your fire.

"Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end." Denis Waitley

"Discipline is the habit of taking consistent action until one can perform with unconscious competence. Discipline weighs ounces but regret weighs tons." Jhoon Rhee

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THE EFFECTIVENESS OF COMPLIMENTS

"Envy is a symptom of lack of appreciation of our own uniqueness and self-worht. Each of us has something to give that no one else has." Elizabeth O'Connor


A person relishes promising comments and praise of their child or themselves. This helps to create bonds of friendship and goodwill with your siblings-in-law. The end result likely is an ally and a pal you can confide in. Compliments stimulate greater achievement. They also place negativity into the background where it belongs. Seeing a gas tank half full instead of half empty encourages one to continue forward rather than stopping or worse backing up. If we feel better when we hang out with certain people, it makes us want to hang out with them all the more or at the very least we look forward to a sharing time with them. competition is a start to jealousy and envy. If we don't measure up it leaves us angry and or defeated. We might also resent the other person or want to beat them at something. If we thought long and hard about the negative energy it took us to calm down we would skip it I'm sure. The alternative is to let it eat away at our stamina and nerves and contribute to health problems. At times we create our own dilemma. When we get up in  the morning, do we see the same person as the day before? We haven't changed. We are special unique and one of a kind. We have qualities no one else has. We  do things to help others we might not even know that we did. Any interaction with another person might offer more to that person than we will ever find out. If we were not the to wait on them or help them or greet them, they might never have been lifted out of their depressing mood. When we help others we help ourselves. We can all start with out own families and friends. Why make life more difficult by causing more strife. One compliment can carry a person further than a feather dropped from a high building on a windy day. Enjoy the compliments  others give to you and don't be stingy with your compliments.

"In marriage, with children at work, in any association-an ounce of praise of sincere appreciation of some act or attribute can very often do more than a ton of fault-finding. If we look for it we can usually find in even the most unlikely unlikable and incapable person something to commend and encourage. Doubtless it is a human frailty but most of us in the glow of feeling we have pleased
want to do more to please and knowing we have done well want to do better." Anonymous

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Get Rid Of Your Passive Aggression

"Life is simply time given to man to learn how to live. Mistakes are always part of learning. The real dignity of life consists in cultivating a fine attitude towards our own mistakes and those of others."
Anonymous

Hi I heard from a couople of MIL's. One stated how her son had asked her over to look at his latest work done on the house. Apparently her DIL was not aware. The MIL took the brunt of the anger through passive aggression. Her DIL never looked at her when she was talking herself or when her MIL was talking. She smiled a forced smile but was quick  with  her moves and stiff with her body language. MIL or DIL as well as people in general are guilty of passive aggression. If we think we cover it up we don't. We get the message across to others bluntly. The victim is at our mercy. If the victim complained the aggressor would deny what they were doing and state nothing could be further from the truth. The victim in a sense would become the complainer and one who imagines they are being shunned. We all know when we are getting the proverbial "Cold Shoulder". What do we achieve by doing this to another? We hurt the person at the receiving end. It is demeaning and usually from what I hear, the receiver is confused and trying to figure out why they are a target. Maybe we assume too much. We think they have done something that they most likely didn't do but we make them  guilty until proven innocent. Sometimes we can't prove our innocence. If we simply look for the best in others and assume they are never deliberately trying to hurt us, we all might thrive a lot better. Sometimes it seems that the people who think others are guilty of  saying or doing something negative to them are the people who are doing these things themselves. If we live our lives complaining about others and talking about others and perpetuating a "Cold Attitudes" towards them, it's time to ask ourselves if we are the guilty party. We all will play many roles in our lives. Remembering this should help us to live a more honorable life. A small hurt may hurt another and affect them for the rest of the day or week. In the same way a small gesture of kindness without attitude, may cheer a person for a day or a week. We always have the choice not only to increase our happiness but  the happiness of others.

"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these." George Washington Carver

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