"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more
complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to
move in the opposite direction. Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be
achieved by understanding." Albert Einstein
I noticed how many of us get fired up about things that are aggravating or upsetting. We tend to dwell on those issues that anger us. The more we think about it and ponder it and discuss it, the stronger the fire gets. It makes us want to correct the problem or so we think. The way we choose to correct an incident can make a difference in the outcome. If we lash out at the person of our perceived frustration, throwing all of our frustration at them, we escalate the blaze and difficulty. We are left with the options of watching our antagonist burn to ashes or we can walk away.
I noticed how many of us get fired up about things that are aggravating or upsetting. We tend to dwell on those issues that anger us. The more we think about it and ponder it and discuss it, the stronger the fire gets. It makes us want to correct the problem or so we think. The way we choose to correct an incident can make a difference in the outcome. If we lash out at the person of our perceived frustration, throwing all of our frustration at them, we escalate the blaze and difficulty. We are left with the options of watching our antagonist burn to ashes or we can walk away.
After the altercation we come back to our sanity and convince
ourselves the competitor deserved it and made us do it. Now we attempt to
convince ourselves we were justified to retaliate. Have you ever noticed that
after our storm, we have uneasiness that won't go away? We review all the
things the person did to us in order to justify the correctness of our angry actions.
Guilt is what appears to be creeping into our minds and we fight to eliminate
it with a deeper examination of past upsets and injustices. Validating our actions is paramount.
We begin to talk about the person and the incident with
others so that we can acquire support and approval for our behaviors. In the
end it doesn't work and the restlessness won't cease so we confront the object
of our irritation again because now we blame them for the uncomfortable
feelings we are having. It's their fault we got so annoyed. Our actions now color our mood which isn't the
happiest. We snap a quick retort at others, feel tired and drained, and begin
to have a cold or illness coming on. Sleep is restless and the irritation and
resentment towards the person of hatred increases.
Does this sound
familiar? We have all been in that place at one time or another. Viewing it
from a faraway place, and a distant time makes us realize it gained us nothing,
and cost us an assortment of damage. We feel emotionally and physically drained
by our actions. Our opponent is likely experiencing the same feelings. The effect
is a smoldering fire that simply won't be distinguished. It almost consumes our
thoughts. We might ask if there was a better way we could have handled this
whole anger situation.
By talking through
various scenarios, we can reflect on a healthier answer to the circumstances.
If we accept 10% of the blame, sit down and honestly share our feelings a more
favorable outcome may be attained. When we acquire back and forth feedback that
is clear and concise it keeps everyone’s ego intact. It is comforting to know
that our opponent is accepting a piece of the guilt regardless of the
percentage. It may be unimportant to give ratios if we are attempting
compromise and peace.
We may consider the fact our opponent may have some deep rooted
questions, or may be going through a difficult time in their lives. Even if their
fear is unfounded, it can be just as immobilizing. Their carelessness or thoughtlessness might
have been their own worries. One moment of stepping back, reflecting before
reacting, compassion before retribution might have saved both of us a multitude
of heartache. None of us in honesty is without blame. We should never let a
small smoldering fire inside of us, increase to the point of no return. In the end
it consumes both of us.
By the simple art of discussion, we can put out the fire.
With verbal communication we may understand, accept and tolerate transgressions
against us. We may eliminate sleepless nights of doubt and worry. We can learn
to have a positive open attitude towards everyone we encounter. Even when
another does not respond to our overtures of reconciliation, we can keep peace
within ourselves. Rather than allowing
fury to burn us into a blaze of ashes we can be a light of comfort for another in
their moment of darkness.
"He
who angers you conquers you." Elizabeth Kenny Australian Nurse "There are two ways of exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up." Booker T. Washington
"The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none." Thomas Carlyle
