Fear is worry; Happiness Is Attitude

"It is not work that kills men but worry. Work is healthy; you can hardly put more on a man than he can bear. But worry is rust upon the blade, it is not movement that destroys the machinery but friction. Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody else expects of you." Henry Ward Beecher

When we fear, we are defeated. We pay a price for what might  never happen. We waste the present for a conjured up future. We doubt our own ability  for a brighter day. Most of us are too busy living in the future that we have little time to enjoy the present. Measuring ourselves against others is a waste of time. It only encourages despondency. It is not that we cannot measure up to others. It is simply because we perceive an answer that is truly clouded in a shroud of mystery. We are making it up as we go along. We have an others life envisioned in our minds and expanded beyond truth. We pay the price of envy and jealousy by fearing our own inabilities and destroying our own striving towards success. In effect we have given up the fight and surrendered before we began the challenge. It can't be said enough that life is not about winners or losers. Life is striving for complaceny and peacefulness. It's about appreciating what we have and truly be totally happy with what we have. It's recognizing how much we have. Doing an inventory of the people we love and the things we cherish might be a reminder of how blessed and fortunate we really are. Striving to have more spiritually is a greater goal than reaching for more material objects. If one observes those with a tremendous about of objects, one notices that it is never enough and those people are striving for more material items. Does it end? Do we ever feel content? I believe contentment is the essence of success. Those who cherish what they have are happier than those who belive they need more. Wants and needs are two different animals. My father always said don't ever let "things" own you, you should own the things. As soon as you can't do without some item it owns you. If you can let material things go by the wayside, then they don't own you. Our thoughts should be on a higher good and a  higher self. Strive to be a better you and help others to do the same. It's like a boat taking on water. If we work together to empty out the water we'll make it to shore. If we decide we've done enough and that other person over there should do it then we'll  all sink. So what if we worked harder or longer or faster. We all made it safely to shore. Would it have pleased us to see them swallowed up by the water? Of course not we say. Yet we compete and fear losing or not measuring up to another. Trudging through problems together and rejoicing in victories, focusing only on the goal of a happy spirit, unites and brings us a peace and fearless life. It will be a life well spent.

"The game of life is a game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later with astounding accuracy."  Florence Scovel Shinn

"I have learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our disposition, and not on our circumstances."  Martha Washington

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The Victory In Relationships

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars." E.H.Chapin

"Character is the total of thousands of small daily strivings to live up to the best that is in us." Lt. Gen. Arthur Trudeau

Even having the best relationships with family, we still fight to maintain control of our thoughts and feelings. We all want to be number one and second place is never comfortable. I am working on making it satisfying. I remember as a young adult, visiting family at a wedding or gathering. I was always the one to be present  when a relative needed me or needed to talk. My siblings appeared randomly yet they were sought after first. It was hurtful to miss out on the talks because my siblings overshadowed me. They got the attention and big hugs and kisses and the plans to get together. In the meantime I was basically out in the cold and unnoticed. At the next function of course I would be the only attendee and the relatives were glad to see me. Surfice it to say I never received  the attention my siblings received whenever their prescence was made. I understood logically why  they were welcomed so much because they were missed at most of the other get togethers. Like the prodigal son everyone was happy at their momentary return. As much as all of us get the idea of it we still anger inside at our quick displacement. It occurred to me how many times we all do this to each other. We owe a tremendous amount of gratitude  to others yet we disregard the simple things and mundane tasks we receive from them often enough. The excitement of the new arrival makes us disregard the silent dependable person that we easily relegated to the background without any thought. I have been at both ends of it and see some reasons and some dilemmas with it.

We're looking for acknowledgement of who we are from others. We define ourselves through others. We want the quick stamp of approval and yearn to be part of that persons life or group. Because of our own insecurities we must be accepted by others in order to feel worthy. Being so caught up in this leaves us little time to reflect on the many things we should be grateful for and also the many things we take for granted. Again it leaves us all with the notion of focusing on the positive. We are worthy. We are unique. We are defined by what we do for those of us we don't have to do for. We are defined by reaching out to those of us who can't pay us back. It comes back to me that I am striving to accept what I cannot change. Therefore if I am relegated to second or third place in any or all relationships, I must attempt to deal with that. Those that I love have my unconditional love. That means they don't have to earn it. They don't have to indulge or please me. They can hurt my feelings and I will forgive them and continue to love them with my whole heart. It's not about me and my feelings. It's about my unconditional love for them. Do I fall short, yes. Do I come back  for more, yes. Is it woth the effort, yes. Am I improving, yes. Our lives on earth are about learning how to love truly love unconditionally. When we get it and learn it we come to realize everyone is our family. What a wonderful world we would  have or create if that could become a reality.

"Not in the clamor of the crowded street, nor in the shouts or plaudits of the throng, but in ourselves are triumph and defeat."

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Break The Chains Of Worry And Live Laugh And Love

"When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that blow that did it but  all that had gone before." Jacob Riis
"Life is made of memorable moments. We must teach ourselves to really live...to love the journey not the destination." Ann Quindlen


I think there could be and maybe should be many posts about fear because it consumes a huge part of our lives. We all fear so many things that they are too numerous to count. Let's talk today about fear of our meetings with the relatives. We want the right look, the right words, and to project the right meaning. We worry if our gift is appropriate. We worry about the meaning of the gifts we receive. We fear an other's remarks or jokes or slights. We tense at an other's body language and question an other's mood. Can anyone see  a problem here? We are not in the moment. We  are obviously not enjoying ourselves. We are almost being selfish in a sense because we are so caught up in the relationship another person has with us that we actually miss the reality around us. To question everyone and everything is a distrust. Fear is a distrust no matter what the object or person. If we feel and are enjoying the present then there should be no room for fear. Judgement goes hand in hand with fear.

If everyone chose not to judge another then we might possibly live without our fears. If one thinks they are being judged, fear rises to the surface. Likewise, if we are judgemental, then we most likely expect that others are rating us in some way. Getting  rid of judgements may get rid of our fears. So what if we look older, plumper, poorer, richer, angrier, incompetent, crazy, lost and a zillion other negative attributes. Reflect for a moment. We feel this because we believe others see us like that or will tag us with judgements that we have no control over. If all of us made a pact to stop our judgements of others we could stop fears. That  means that those of us who like to spread gossip and listen to gossip would have to stop and let it go. It's detrimental to the person we are talking about and more detrimental to ourselves.

It's not easy but people might be more relaxed and enjoy those get togetherness more often if they felt no one noticed their extra pounds, extra wrinkles, last year's clothes, gorgeous jewelry, (yes we criticize those with more money) louder voice due to our  frustrations, craziness due to our burdens and tremendous work load, and repetition from our temporary or permanent taxing life of indecision's. We could be ourselves at all times. We would not have to act differently with anyone or at anyplace. maybe some solutions might even come  through for us or by us for another because things would be out in the open and no one would fault us. It is the perfect world of course but if we all attempted a tiny bit, we would be a tiny bit closer to an awesome new world.


"Action conquers fear." Pete Zarlenga

"Each of us will one day be judged by our standard of life, not by our standard of living; by our measure of giving, not by our measure of wealth; by our simple goodness, not by our seeming greatness."  William A. Ward 

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See the Goal

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Probably the most discouraging thing is to repeat mistakes. We all have great intentions of kicking a bad habit or behaving in a different way but many times we resort to the familiar response and again regret our transgression. We beat ourselves up about it after and how our  lack of resolve wasn't strong enough. I am also one of those people who tries again and again to do what I think is right but many times I fail. I at times think I should just forget it because I am incapable of changing but then the old conscious kicks in and begs me to try another attempt  which I do. As I reflect over the years on my attempts I realize that some higher power is at work and that my trials have become more difficult. It is at that moment that I realized that the temptations have had an increase of energy. It then occurred to me that maybe as I passed one trial I have had an increase in intensity. Just  maybe with each baby step of choosing the honorable path, I am encouraged to keep going further in order to perfect my responses. Not sure but it appears that way to me. Of course along the route there are numerous failures too numerous to count. What I am  trying to say is maybe just maybe we are all making progress even when we can't see any movement toward the better. It is never about succeeding on the first second or thousandth time. It's about maintaining the effort to keep trying that counts.

If we do not keep attempting then we'll never succeed. A teeny weensy baby step is worth more than no attempt whatsoever. The message is clear to never give up. We totally lose when we do give up. If we have a temper and yell very loudly then the next time we are a tiny bit less loud than the time before, we have made progress. We may still be yelling quite loudly but the knowledge that  we tried is there with us and a reminder that we are aware of our battles. Isn't half the battle the knowledge that we admit our faults (at least some) and begin to challenge ourselves to alter our behaviors? Stop belittling yourselves. Pat yourself on the back every time you put effort into correcting a fault. Rejoice every time your attempts make even the slightest progress. Rejoice even if you attempted. It's not the destination as  much as the ride to it. You become a better person simply because you made the attempt.

"No one is ever beaten, unless he gives up the fight." W. Beran Wolfe

"The best rosebush after all is not that which has the fewest thorns but that which bears the finest roses." Henry Van Dyke

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OUR UNIQUENESS DISTINGUISHES OUR IMPACT

"One learns people through the heart, not the eyes or the intellect." Mark Twain


It might sound absurd but most of us hide behind smiles and words. Out of fear most likely or a lack of trust, we keep our true identities hidden. It seems sad that so many of us either don't think another would like us if they knew "what we were really like," or "how we were really feeling." Relationships would be deeper if we could get beyond our doubts and fears. That also means all of us need to stop judging others so that they may feel more secure in releasing their genuine feelings. Strong emotions bring out confusion. We ;might be unsure about what we should do. Others know this and most likely that is why most of our emotions are hidden. We present the smile and expected words of camaraderie. Inside the person may be feeling sad, tortured, sick, depleted, scared, unsure, and afraid to release these thoughts even to close relatives. What have we become? All of us have a wide range of thoughts  and emotions and an even wider range of fears. We leave the party intact along with everyone else and go home feeling alone in our depressing thoughts even more so because everyone else appeared to have a great time. Surprise! Most people at the gathering assumed you were having a great time even though  they were not. If we didn't judge, then we could all let our  hair down. The most even tempered, together person, at times feels lost. We are human. We all have doubts and fears especially because we are making choices every day and facing problems to solve every day. Our decisions don't  always fly well with others yet we know they are the right choices to make. Life is full of doubt fear and pain. Let's turn it around and realize we are triumphant in treading down the difficult path.

It's difficult to accept and deal with challenges and getting older,  It's hard to accept responsibility and blame  and children moving on from our homes. Job loss and diseases and sicknesses and loss are challenging to face. It's okay to acknowledge in our hearts that we may not be as happy as our smile indicates. It's also  okay to enjoy the happy moments that come our way. It does not in any way diminish our feelings about personal issues. It should be okay to mention we are not in top form and at times sad or scared or angry or unhappy. It's like releasing it to the universe and accepting any positive feedback that results from this release. Others may understand us more than we think. We hide but not really. Some things are just mute but understood. We can't be afraid to take off the covers of our true self and we can't be so judgemental that we prevent others and ourselves from doing it. Then when we smile it will be real. We may also smile more because it really is okay to have a whole range of feelings inside of us going through us at the same time. It's okay to be human.

"We only know of one duty and that is to love." Albert Camus

"To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded." Ralph Waldo Emerson

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WHEN ENVY ACTIVATES SUSPICION

"Sometimes our candle goes out,but is blown into flame by an encounter with another human being." Albert Schweitzer


How are your Holidays progressing? As one gets older the Holidays seem to manifest bittersweet memories. We all remember people who were with us at past holidays. We remember a favorite dessert a certain someone loved to eat. We recall one's habits and rituals which bring tears to our eyes. It tortures us to live in the past and it actually deprives us of creating special moments with those we are with at the present point in time. Even though it is difficult, we need to look beyond our hurts and even our desires and gain an inner contentment reflecting on the good things we have and the loving people that  are currently in our lives. We really do have that choice. One can choose to dwell on our injuries or rejoice in our loving relationships. Nobody can go backwards in time. I believe we must allow the pain to slip away on the wings of butterflies.
The present is what is. Pain will always be remembered but reliving it hurts us over and over again. It depletes our energy, confuses our minds, and prevents us from allowing our hearts to open up to the surrounding love. Being whole again is invigorating. Being whole again doesn't mean we forget or block anything away. We simply choose to focus on what is right and beautiful in our lives. If there be one individual or animal that loves us we are blessed. if we can't think of anyone then we can easily search and find another person who would so appreciate having a friend. We are not ever alone unless we choose it. Let go of the fear of the unknown. Let go of the fear of embracing  something knew. Sometimes when we observe others having a great time at a gathering, we wish we could be some of those people. What we see is not always reality.

 Many of us at times feel alone in our hurts even amongst a crowd of people. It can become easy to feign happiness. Step into your life and embrace it with open arms. See beyond your doubts, jealousies and fears. Never give up. Never give up. It's just at the moment when you feel the worst, that things might just change for the better. We do have to help ourselves. So open your heart to others and don't fear the unknown. Seriously count your blessings. You might be surprised at how many there are.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain." Vivian Greene

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